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[Mephisto]

Why is the food thread locked o.O

Damn. I liked that one. I hope it's not because of the short seitan tangent (seitangent?).

[Iduno]

A food-related tangent to a food thread probably isn't enough to get it locked, but neither should egg sandwiches (the last post). Did a bunch of stuff get deleted before it was locked?

Did they mean lock a different thread instead?

[TamerVirus]

Why is the food thread locked o.O

The go-to answer is "blame the OP"

[Kagus]

Why is the food thread locked o.O

Seitanism.

@Kagus: wait, I'm not sure I follow, the person who poked you was the same gal you were talking about having caught feelings for? Or a different "she" who just returned from Finland?

(I was gonna say "from overseas" but then I realised you're on the same continent and probably share a border or some shit, damn you Europeans are crazy)

Yeah. She, the girl I'm set to have the talk with tomorrow. She, the one who ghosted me for nearly three weeks because she couldn't handle me admitting I had feelings for her (even though I said that I knew nothing could come of it and that I just needed to spend some time apart to settle down. I was, among other things, still together with my ex at the time). She, the one who has been absolutely mortified at how she handled that situation, and said that she really wants to patch things up between us because she desperately doesn't want to lose me because of how good a friend I am.

She, the one who later forgot how sound works and had a conversation about how she "kinda wants to be in a relationship, kinda just wants to suck some dick" while I was sitting six feet away from her. She, the girl who came up behind me and did the ol' shoulder-poke switcharoo while she was shopping alongside Mr. "I proudly eat ass"; whom she has a "if we're not married when we're 30 let's hook up and have kids" agreement with and whose room she bunked in for a weekend while she was visiting him out on the coast. She, whose carnal relationship with her roommate/chauffeur (not Mr. Ass) I discovered when she made a comment on a Men's Humor post about what the best breakfast to have after morning sex is, and tagged him in it. She, the one who is currently upset with said roomie/driver/fuckbuddy because he's apparently catching feelings for her too and has been giving her the silent treatment whenever she "brings someone else home".


She, the girl who is making me extremely unhappy with myself because I absolutely detest slut-shaming and would love to live in a society that was more open and accepting of sex. But I guess feelings don't like to be reasoned with.

[Dunamisdeos]

Why u like her tho

[hector13]

Why u like her tho

She makes his groin feel funny.

[heydude6]

Why u like her tho

She makes his groin feel funny.

I don't think Kagus would be this upset if it was just a physical thing. The internet generally has you covered as far as those needs are concerned.

[hector13]

Why u like her tho

She makes his groin feel funny.

I don't think Kagus would be this upset if it was just a physical thing. The internet generally has you covered as far as those needs are concerned.

Kagus is also aware of the irrationality of his feelings, and presumably has considered his experience relating to her in the last few weeks in regards to compatability.

Infatuation is a silly thing, though something we apparently have no control over.

[heydude6]

Why u like her tho

She makes his groin feel funny.

I don't think Kagus would be this upset if it was just a physical thing. The internet generally has you covered as far as those needs are concerned.

Kagus is also aware of the irrationality of his feelings, and presumably has considered his experience relating to her in the last few weeks in regards to compatability.

Infatuation is a silly thing, though something we apparently have no control over.

If that’s the case, then distance is probably the best thing for him. I doubt she has the emotional maturity to have a good conversation that gives closure. It’s like the conversation is more for her sake rather than for his.

[Yoink]

Yeah. She, the girl I'm set to have the talk with tomorrow.

Ah, okay. Does she actually live in the area, like is it feasible that she may have just been doing her own shopping and bumped into you? Or do you think she engineered this "chance" meeting? Because if she just happened to see you in the same store, you can hardly hold it against her for saying hi. She seems like a very extroverted person to begin with, and awkward avoidance tends to be, well, awkward for any of us.


As for the rest of it, I'm just hoping y'all can preserve your friendship, which as far as I can tell was quite healthy before hitting this little speedbump.
You seem to be unreasonably jealous of her relationships, but I don't hold that against you because well I know how The Feels can get you feelin', and for her part I really don't think she's handled your "admission of affection" very well, but I think it's entirely possible that she doesn't really understand where you're coming from and so finds it hard to deal with.   
You both need to make an effort to understand the other person's position and then I reckon you'll be golden.

[heydude6]

Maybe your right Yoink. My past experiences might have just made me too cynical.

[Kagus]

Why u like her tho

She's intelligent, funny, outgoing (I've met just about everyone in what passes for my "social network" here either directly or indirectly through her, and she's put a fair amount of time into coaxing me out of my usual shell), adventurous, full of life, generous, has got these big soft eyes that you could get lost in and not come out for days, a smile that lights up the whole damn room, and is just generally drop-dead gorgeous in addition to being a person who makes you feel good to hang out with.

And, in contrast to most other women I've met, she treats (or at least treated) me like an actual goddamn human being. I'm not used to that, so it tends to stick (as if I wasn't already an absolute sucker for nice eyes).

Ah, okay. Does she actually live in the area, like is it feasible that she may have just been doing her own shopping and bumped into you? Or do you think she engineered this "chance" meeting? Because if she just happened to see you in the same store, you can hardly hold it against her for saying hi. She seems like a very extroverted person to begin with, and awkward avoidance tends to be, well, awkward for any of us.


As for the rest of it, I'm just hoping y'all can preserve your friendship, which as far as I can tell was quite healthy before hitting this little speedbump.
You seem to be unreasonably jealous of her relationships, but I don't hold that against you because well I know how The Feels can get you feelin', and for her part I really don't think she's handled your "admission of affection" very well, but I think it's entirely possible that she doesn't really understand where you're coming from and so finds it hard to deal with.   
You both need to make an effort to understand the other person's position and then I reckon you'll be golden.

No no, this was definitely happenstance... Even if she wanted to try and engineer such a thing, one thing she most definitely is not is an orderly and structured person who can plan stuff out.

I am unreasonably jealous of her relationships, yes, and it's pissing me right the fuck off. It's none of my business, and she's had every right to do her thing.

The thing is, if it's none of my business, why do I keep hearing about it? I don't think she's thought through how her actions can potentially affect other people, and I'm just in a particularly vulnerable position to be hurt by all of it thanks to my own background.

If that’s the case, then distance is probably the best thing for him. I doubt she has the emotional maturity to have a good conversation that gives closure. It’s like the conversation is more for her sake rather than for his.

That's kind of the whole point of this talk, though. She wants to have a chance at apologizing for how she's acted, and I want to have a chance to formulate my side of things and -more importantly- evaluate if she does have the emotional maturity for me to even bother with trying to patch things up between us.

Either it's a big step towards clearing the air, or it's a big clarification that this is never going to work and I can put it more or less out of my mind.

And it's generally a chance to behave like an adult, a state of being that I aspire towards.

[birdy51]

Oof. I feel for you. I have had a similar sort of situation myself that left me heartbroken several times over the course of a few years. Sweet, wonderful girl who I still adore. Horrible, horrible communication etiquette that left me wondering what the hell was going on, blaming myself, and wondering why she kept falling for the most douchiest of douches who ever douched. I can't say I regret falling in love with her; she is genuinely a cool person and makes you feel like a million bucks when you are with her. But I have come to realize that's a quality they stretch to nearly everyone. She does genuinely care. But she also genuinely cares for an incredible and ever growing social network of people.

Grah, that's probably just my own revelations though. Eventually, I think you'll have to find your own, even if that answer hurts like hell and takes months on months to reach. Be forthright, plan ahead. Write down what you have to say if you need to. If either of you need to disengage and get some distance, do it or let it happen. Have a few mechanisms of coping ready; a pen and paper, somebody who you can vent with, video games. Echoing Naxza, this doesn't reflect negatively on who you are. We're all human for better or worse. So, just be you and be ready to let the chips fall where they have to.

[Kagus]

Her response does not determine your value as a human, partner, or friend. You do that. Remember that, whichever way the answer goes.

This is a big one for me. I've always had issues with my self-esteem, and the timing of this all happening right when I've ended the 5-year relationship I had with my ex, I'm all sorts of vulnerable and craving validation. I was honestly kinda hoping to have my own little romp with someone before The Talk, if only so that I'd feel more secure with myself and not quite as tied up to her opinion of me...

But I think I should be more or less safe. At this point, I'm mostly just pissed at how she's handled the situation, and by extension how she's treated me as of late. This really is mostly a chance for to redeem herself at this point, and I mainly just have to focus on being an adult and not being mean even though that's how I want to act right now.


As for my safety net (so to speak), one really good thing to come from this whole debacle is that I've gotten to know someone else in the friend network a lot better and gotten past her somewhat standoffish exterior to find that she's a priceless friend and amazing person overall. She's been filled in on the situation and has been incredibly supportive through all of this, plus my breaking up with my ex, plus my moving into the new apartment. I don't really know what I would've done without her nudging and pep-talking me through it all.

So I'm going to try my hand at making pulled pork today, which should be ready shortly after I've had the talk. Provided everything is edible, I'll be bringing the results up to the friend and we're gonna have a little pulled pork party to celebrate my trying to improve in the culinary arts. Terrible movies and good video games will probably be involved.


Win or lose, it's how you pull your meat that matters.

[Kagus]

So, just finished with the talk. There was some deeply unnecessary bullshit right at the last minute, but all in all everything went better than expected.

That said, I'm a bit ashamed of myself, because I apparently managed to completely mishear whatever she was talking about that day in the bar welcoming the other bartender back... There was no "kinda just want to suck some dick", nor any bringing home of new people. Additionally, she did not spend a weekend with Mr. Ass, she never even went out to that part of the country (however, she and Ass do apparently have a little bit of history from way back when, so my radar isn't completely malfunctioning). When the time came around, she was still in a pretty dark place and just couldn't manage to make the trip, so she quietly stayed at home and studied 12-14 hours a day instead.


Sooo... Aside from that bit of awkwardness, we managed to clear up some big things. I'm still going to need time to clear my head a bit, but she's still the person I became friends with, and there's a chance we can actually recover that at some point down the line.

Yeah. Gonna call that a win. And now, the pig...