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[Teneb]

Why can't you just wish someone a happy [YOUR HOLIDAY HERE]?
It would certainly seem more sincere than trying to dance around including everyone with some vague generalisation of jolliness.   

Well, if I walk up to a random person and wish them a merry Saturnalia, they'll either be very confused (most likely) or be outraged because how dare I not celebrate the "birth" of their Lord and Saviour Jesus.
(birth is in quotation marks because it's unlikely it was actually at 25th of December)

My conservative friend at work knows I'm an atheist and sorta heckles me by saying have a blessed day and stuff, which I don't mind. I've started saying assorted things back like, "May the Grace of our lord Lucifer be with you!" "The Allfather gazes on you favorably!" "The Emperor Protects!"
Anyone else I say thanks and you too if they give me that sorta sentiment because it's a nice thing they're saying. It's the thought that counts, not their adherence to a religion or anything.

Usually I'd agree with you. Unfortunately, the region I live in is having a spike in neopentecostal zealotry (and to lesser extent catholic zealotry too) who will actually attack people over it. So it's not only rather opressive that I need to hide my religion in order to not be assaulted, but I cannot even complain that the majority groups are doing the same thing they'd get offended if I did because they'd screech about "christophobia" (I am not making this shit up).

What does "Neopentecostal" entail? I'm not too lazy to look it up, I did look it up, I just don't believe the Wikipedia page.

Looks like it's an error in translation by me because in portuguese they're called Neo-pentecostal or Neopentecostal depending on your mood. Turns out in english it's called Neo-charismatic

It's not very present in the US, but 'round here it's very numerous.

There are few varieties of it which are quite alright, but they are few and far in between compared to shit like the Igreja Universal do Reino de Deus (Universal Church of the Kingdom of God) and its pals, who embody the very worst aspects of Televangelists and the Satanist Scare of decades past. They focus a lot on priests receiving relevations from their god, perform public exorcisms, often have people sing very poorly at full blast (about an hour ago I was clearly listening to it happening from over a block away), faith healing, and displays of overt religious emotion over intellectual study of their own damn faith.

The zealots among them, who unfortunately are not a vocal minority, will actually attack people because they look maybe probably LGBT and often invade and destroy temples of afro-syncretic religions like Candomblé.

[heydude6]

In a nutshell, Pentecostals are a lesser known Christian sect

[Kagus]

My headset completely obliterated itself when I was taking it off earlier.

The bridge is made of a single piece of hard plastic, so it would get pissy every time it bent. And since it's a headset, intended for human heads, it bends every time you put it on or take it off. Today, it had had its last, and half of it just completely snapped off... Nice clean break. Curiously, didn't even break on the hairline fracture that had already formed on the other side... Nope, new spot, straight through. Blammo. This makes for a lifetime of about two months since coming out of the box.


So... Anyone got any headset/-phone recommendations? I've been thinking about getting a wireless one so I don't have to worry about bent/stressed cables. Not that that ended up being a problem this time around, buuut... Yeah.

[Dunamisdeos]

In a nutshell, Pentecostals are a lesser known Christian sect

So basically God gives everyone a special superpower and you are required to figure out how to use that superpower to find your place in church and therefore life. If you do not have a readily classifiable superpower, you are either not faithful enough or have not selected one from the below list.

Superpowers range from prophecy, speaking in tongues, being good at giving money to the church, and faith healing.

Spoiler: Above translation (click to show/hide)

Fortune telling in a group setting, babbling loudly and translating oneself as the literal voice of God, fucking conartistry, and actually killing people by pretending you can cure their cancer by bapping them on the face. Bap bap bap congratulations you're still dying that'll be 500$.

I am sure there are pentecostal churches that are not distilled from only the very shadiest extracts of raw televangelist chicanery, but I have not met them. I am biased, and I acknowledge it.

EDIT: Oh wait I forgot, women can't wear pants, or makeup. Like not even outside church, you are not allowed. The pants police will get you. Also women have to have long hair.

[Hanslanda]

Man they're missing out. Women with short hair are just so incredibly hot.

[Il Palazzo]

That's Satan in you talking, Hans.

[Kagus]

Man they're missing out. Women with short hair are just so incredibly hot.

Pixie cut spelled backwards is Satan's touch.

[Dunamisdeos]

That's Satan in you talking, Hans.

You can tell it's Satan because he's using plain English.

God only talks to us in a string of verbal typos.

[Teneb]

That's Satan in you talking, Hans.

You can tell it's Satan because he's using plain English.

God only talks to us in a string of verbal typos.

There's a reason no one ever accused latin chants of being satanic messages when played backwards.

[Hanslanda]

That's Satan in you talking, Hans.

In that case...

HAIL SATAN!!

[Il Palazzo]

Oh, shucks, guys. Sorry. I misspelled Santa.

[Rolan7]

...Hailing frequencies are already open, colonel.

[Teneb]

...Hailing frequencies are already open, colonel.

"Listen here Santa, these souls belong to hard-working, God-fearing Americans and they won't be taken by an illegal alien such as yourself! Your disregard towards the national borders of our great nation will no longer be tolerated! You may think that by bribing pure American children you can get away with your corrupt ways, but we are on to you! You don't even try to hide your Communism, wearing it openly in your red uniform as you fly around through witchcraft! I say no more! Marines, open fire!"

[wierd]

"We are registering an exponentially growing cloud of debris captain. Analyzing...  Composition is predominantly organic polymers, with traces of metallic compounds. Minimal energy readings.  Refining scan--...  Captain, it appears to be raining tickle-me-elmos, stuffed teddy bears, barbie dolls, action figures, and ... socks...  all across the tristate area.  How shall we proceed?"

[Teneb]

"We are registering an exponentially growing cloud of debris captain. Analyzing...  Composition is predominantly organic polymers, with traces of metallic compounds. Minimal energy readings.  Refining scan--...  Captain, it appears to be raining tickle-me-elmos, stuffed teddy bears, barbie dolls, action figures, and ... socks...  all across the tristate area.  How shall we proceed?"

"Destroy them! Not only they may be packed with terrorist explosives, the flood of free toys will ruin our market economy in this hour of great sales! By God, think of the investors!"