I have recently been plagued by a very elaborate "dream related" wtf. I am uncertain how to parse or proceed with it. It's a bit NSFW, so I will spoilerize it.
OK, first up-- As many may already know, I do not really have sexual impulses, desires, cravings or other related things. I am not a furry either, so keep that in mind when reading what follows.
Recently, I had a very complicated and lucid dream narrative that basically boils down to my deciding that humanity as we currently exist is so horrifically conceited and spoiled by being the only kind of sentience on the planet, and being sufficiently disgusted with this, and with our (as a species) unwillingness to do the right things that nature and science are telling us to do in terms of climate change aversion, living within natural boundaries, etc-- that I (dream self) had invested my ENTIRE being to appropriating every scrap of human knowledge, compounding it into very dry volumes of reference literature and directly committing anything and everything possible directly to memory, becoming fluent in proto-indo-european root languages, and building a crazy device to create a wormhole to a past-timeline parallel universe (because even though this was a dream, the reality that you cannot alter your own past is impossible due to paradox generation was there.)
The dream was from a quasi-3rd person perspective, and had an "internal narrative monologue" type structure, reminiscing on how these events shaped the future.
Without getting into too many details (even though the absurd attention to details, causal ordering structure, and cosmic-spiritualism vs personal ego were all major thematic elements without which were the underpinning of the dream narrative), it was a story about how what started as my own ultimate selfishness to disconnect from a "dying" world and a "jaded, divisive, and spiritually dead people", was actually the closest thing to absolute selflessness possible, as I was letting "everything go, but taking everything of real value to give to somebody else, so that they would not make the same mistakes" so that the universe (which, via the many worlds hypothesis being true) could cross pollinate a timeline, such that not only a persistently stable intelligent population that is centered around pro-social, inclusive, and "acceptance of difficult realities with aplomb" (like the acceptance that you cannot use fossil fuels to power a civilization, etc) but also enable a local manifestation of that cosmic consciousness as a real being, and realize that the entire journey was actually being brought into the service of that being for that purpose.
So, what started as a desire to prevent the genetic, cultural, and social oblivion of H. Neanderthalensis and H. Denisovans, out of selfish reasons of intense misandry over the behaviors of H. Sapiens (so that the may different points of view about how society should exist, and the earth be used would not be lost, and thus prevent the misguided and foolish mismanagement of a single species monopolizing the planet in stupid and life ending ways) took on some very wild hues, as I introduced those species to metal tools, agriculture, domestication of animals, reading and writing, and the like--- but keeping their existing social dynamics (which was built around an almost bonobo like use of sex, including flagrant homosexuality and polygamy/polyamory) and in the process, also getting snookered into making decidedly furry "animal people" in the process.
Thats leaving out huge chunks, but needless to say, I would up involved in a VERY polyamorous relationship with 6 other males and various females, of various species, as a pillar of society trying to help guide a now VERY diverse set of sentient peoples as a cohesive whole, at a very accelerated rate of technological introduction, while preventing overpopulation, and ecological catastrophe, the use of incrementally self-induces cryogenic suspended animation to allow the civilization to continue to mature until the next period where I would be needed to intervene (with the ultimate goal of guiding all of the disparate peoples into becoming a single, cosmopolitan super-culture) culminating in the emergence of "the goddess" in the form of a highly sophisticated quantum computer plugged directly into the cosmic background itself and it being involved, it informing me that it had been manipulating reality to cause this outcome to occur, that it as not the computer, but that the computer was just the most efficient conduit through which it could manifest as a true intelligent actor in a specific world-tree, and that it's ultimate goal was to find a way to survive past the eventual heat-death of all quantum universes which are what it is actually comprised of, and that in order to do so, a perfectly inclusive culture would be required to spread through the cosmos (which could perfectly incorporate any species it encountered), to cause all sentience in that world-tree to work toward that common goal for mutual survival.
Yeah.. Total what the fuck.
I do not normally have such deeply recursively themed, let alone absurdly sexual, dreams.
I am not sure how to parse this, or even to rationalize why I had it to begin with.
Minus the last paragraph, I occasionally have dreams where I shepherd a pre-sentient species through many aeons, guiding them with my outrageously biased worldviews in an attempt to create a perfect society, learning all the way.
That's the thing-- Unlike a normal dream that just wanders all over the place, this one was very structured from the very beginning, and can be given the tone of "I did not set out to become [a world leader and cult messianic figure], I just wanted to [prevent a catastrophe then fade into anonymity], but that is not what happened." Along with "If I had known that this former would happen, I would have done things differently-- but I am honest with myself, and this history, so here is how it went down, warts and all." with overtones of "You can deny the agency of a universe where every possible thing is actually physically real, even if not in your branch of reality, but that does not make 'god' dead, nor make you the master of your own destiny. What you think you do for yourself, you really do for the universe, as it treats you the same as any other matter inside it, and you only exist because it decided that you should."
Yes, it was seriously heavy on sex, relationship complications, inter-racial tensions, and all that stuff-- but it was the fact that it was so very structured, and all the actions that happened in the dream narrative caused certain things that were said to become real, as if guided by an outside agency, which then later appears and basically says "yes, you just THOUGHT these things, but I arranged everything in such a way that you could think no other way, and I made your own excuses to yourself TRUE, and did so for my own reasons."
One of the features was that I insinuated myself as a 'prophet' or other enlightened agent of the 'goddess' (who was just the lead deity of the group I first encountered, likely shaped heavily by the omnipresent (but we know next to nothing about it!) "ashura goddess" religion of early stone-age europe), in order to explain how I could know so many things-- only to then be told at the end, that "Yes, that was true. Your bullshit world you came from? I caused it to be that way, just to create YOU, and cause you to come here and circumvent a cycle of waste and destruction, to create something better."
etc.
The 'goddess' personage is a-temporal, or rather, 'exists in all facets of time simultaneously', but established time as a means of establishing order, for the purpose of understanding all things, in all of their myriad forms and manifestations (including itself.) It does not have capricious or changing thoughts. Everything has already been decided, and everything is in motion, but some world lines double-back onto others to create more interesting or more favorable ones--- and the one of my origin was exactly one of those-- it existed exclusively to promote and cause the circumstances that I so loathed and detested, to create a being (If not me, then some other-- that was another theme) that would be 100% opposed to it to the point of being willing to abandon it wholesale and dedicate its entire being to preventing it in others, then transplanting that being into worlds where outcomes would be more favorable, by enabling the physics required. I just happened to be that being, and my belief that I was a selfish actor, making things up for my own self interest was a convenient means of applying the influence my presence would cause. "she" was just very careful that I would also just so happen to also be telling the full truth without realizing it, or knowing it, since all possible worldlines and interactions were manifestations of her thought processes, including my own actions and will.
It was a very profound story arc, in which a deeply non-religious person comes face to face with god, and realizes to their stark consternation and confusion, that they have been a VERY FAITHFUL follower, like they claimed to be (but felt they were lying about) all along, and that all that was needed to continue being perfectly faithful, was to be themselves, as they always have-- and in so doing, accept the agency and control of a divine being.
So, it was not merely a "Yeah, I dreamed I was large and in charge", it was more "I dreamed that I wound up 'in charge', but actually the perfect servitor of something bigger, and beyond my comprehension-- and I am at peace with this."
The whole thing came out of the blue in a completely unexpected way. I have not been cogitating these kinds of ideas, or at least not consciously (since clearly, my subconscious totally was! QED) and the use of sexuality in the forms presented, in all of its gory details and explicit forms as being "normal life", and "something to be embraced, not ashamed of, or repulsed by" are not in line with my actual personal perceptions, (as I wound up becoming quite sexually active indeed, and in reality have no impulse toward sex-- it is quite possibly one of the furthest things from my mind at any given time!) and so 'jarring' and difficult to comprehend or process.
I am sure a psychotherapist would eat this shit up like candy, but for real, I just have no clue how to parse that dream. It was so unlike any other I have ever had, and had thematic elements I really have no experience with, in such .... generous proportions... that even now I am taken aback by it.
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Topic: Things that made you go "WTF?" today o_O (Read 14549305 times)