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My family is an absolute cluster. Sister, two brothers, and I won't speak; whole family unit shattered, long term. At least they stayed away ... "stayed." They tried to "help" (abuse) me for their benefit & my detriment. They disappeared for years, disowning everyone. Now they need things and magically they are back.... They have "grandkids" for mom and dad, so lo and behold, the heterosexuals are magically accepted back.... Years of insults, abuse, disownment, financial misdeeds, and too many things to list here, are all just ... forgiven and forgotten? Meanwhile I stayed, helped mom and dad create a stable real estate and business situation (they deny I did anything but was it me or their repeat failure selves?), and I'm just sorta tolerated, sometimes. Maybe. I'm a burden, I'm sure?
Got a new job; got a new little house; dug myself & everyone around me out of every problem, and am still digging. I also got injured; I'll be fine, eventually; I hope. Meantime, I can't move my own stuff into this home or do some of the maintenance and required repair. I'm so useless and lazy that I got injured doing work? Let's see if anyone helps....
One brother disowned us all, got married, never told his wife and new kids about us or us about them, for over 10 years. His wife finds my mom on facebook ("people with your last name?"). She invites herself .... Brother is still a jerk to mom; slowly forces her to do less and less to have any relationship with him, after he disowned her. He is weaseling his way back in for when they croak.... Can't air vacate his lungs, forever?
12 years since I talked to him; it would be too soon. I still won't talk to or look at him, ever. I am "unreasonable" for this. He disowned me (whole family), dropped off the face of the earth after messing up my life, badly. I have to do anything, of any type, for him, again? When his knees have worn through the floor, he may have begun to beg enough to warrant forgiveness at a future time if, when, and to the extent I so choose. So far, he hasn't apologized, won't, "did nothing wrong" and so far as I'm concerned can rot. This is the happy version....
Don't know how to feel about this. My emotional intelligence will process it to the best outcome scenario practicable. In the same breath, disdain.... Slow, steady, serrated disdain.... What to ever say to this person (note, not "brother")? Several expletives? Crass, crude. Sadly, he's a polished con man, and I know he's getting money from mom and dad while they whine about finances. I worked for them for a long time, unpaid.... Continue handing him cash while saying you have none...? Look at me suggestively? Enter awkward silence, stage left. Silently, "no." I should fix the mess I'm wrongfully blamed for, again?
Yes, it's all you.... Never me, except badly. All that education, experience, and excellence equal exactly zero.... Amazing how once I got a job and any resources I immediately started turning things around despite being worthless. Nevermind that cognitive dissonance. What's that? Exactly. Maybe I'll fade away and they'll all gain the benefit. I'm sure. Happened before, and will happen again. I get called when there's a problem, looked at expectantly, and usually insulted (almost always). Yet, now, I actually physically can't do things (see also, injury) for the next few months. Mentally, I can, but who needs that? Helped society and it hurt me? Typical outcome.
Zen. Compute variable factors; calculate probabilities & impediments; formulate solutions; adapt to inequality; minimize loss. That's my life.
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