I find myself unable to use images on the forum anymore. I don't know what it is, but links to-from image hosting sites don't seem to work like they used to. Has something changed? Is there something else I need to do to use images?
Well, you wouldn't be a good hedonist if you were ashamed about it.
Seriously though, as much as people make a big deal about people's natural shame instinct being used as a vector for bullying and abuse, it's one of the most useful emotions for creating productive members of society. Shame gets people out of the house so they don't have to say that they live with their parents, for just one example. The shame of being unemployed makes people get jobs, if not the direct benefit of being paid.
shame is a tool.
the power it has aside, if you dont use it another will.
shame can be productive, but it can also be used for waste
how you direct your shame says alot about you
Shame? Or guilt? Or both? They are distinct.
Shame is something society inflicts on you. You can internalize it, but a person who has never met another human could not feel shame. Guilt is something you feel regardless of whether society approves. No one is ever feels guilty because they are naked, you can only ever be ashamed of nakedness. Meanwhile you can't feel shame when something is socially-recommended (I'm thinking of a caste system, but obviously it applies to a lot), but you can feel guilt about it.
Hedonism is a shit philosophy and it produces Romans
Oh no. "Romans" he says. How terrible.
And then I found my girlfriend and I found true realization, because at this time, I was not worried about my own pleasure anymore. Its really interesting how the focus shifted. I was now far more worried about how much of a good time I was providing to my partner, and the feeling became mutual. We truly got to know and enjoy eachother.
When you start to derive pleasure just out of the fact you're giving pleasure to someone you truly love, thats when you find out that all those fancyful stories of great sex weren't a mystical ramblings created for playboy articles after all. You get pleasure from giving pleasure, and that creates a feeling of fulfillment that I wouldn't trade for anything else. Everything that comes before, during it, and after become part of the whole experience, and a true part of your life.
Ok. In almost all of the sex I've had in life (with one particular, selfish exception) I spend my time being very worried about whether I am doing enough and worried about my partner's pleasure.
They enjoy it a lot, but I didn't, at all; I was fine with that for a while, because my aim was making them feel good. But with time it became tiring and tedious. Work. And so eventually, I withdrew from having sex altogether.
So fit me into your pattern. I know that part of it is that the harder I focus, the harder it is to enjoy anything. Can't relax, have to focus. But that's just work, not fun. And it doesn't matter what my partner does because I'm too focused on making them happy to let them make me happy. And so the thought comes to me: "just relax". But of course one cannot simply
make yourself relax, anymore than you can
make yourself think deeply.
It's been a while since I thought about this...