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[itisnotlogical]

So my mom went to the doctor and got told she had this, that and the other thing wrong with her, all very serious things she's been afraid of for a while. Got a scary bottle full of little white pills and a return trip is scheduled.

I.... don't feel anything. And I haven't felt anything for a pretty long while. My sister has pretty frequent and horrific asthma attacks, and miscellaneous home trouble that results in midnight trips to her neck of the woods. I'm not even bothered unless her kids are in trouble (THAT always gets me really upset, I love the little guys). I just bring my headphones or try to catch some sleep.

I'm worried that I'm some kind of sociopath because I don't feel worried, or stressed, or concerned, or sad about this kind of thing. I think of serial killer documentaries where they explain how they're able to do fucked up things because they don't feel like regular people. Nothing in my home life seems to shake me at all, and I'm afraid that's some kind of warning sign.

I kind of "wake up" when I'm out and about, I can laugh and cry and worry and get pissed if I'm among peers or strangers or by myself. I feel normal then and I feel the things I 'should' feel. But at home or concerning most family, nothing.

[Descan]

Plenty of people feel the same kind of lack of empathy (and in their entire lives, not just at home, like it sounds like with you?) without turning into serial killers, bro.

[itisnotlogical]

NO I'M A FREEEAAAAKK LOCK ME AWAY

I guess lack of empathy is normal in a lot of cases. It just feels weird because it's my family.

[Descan]

I meant that there are plenty of people with symptoms of clinical psychopathy who, besides a lack of empathy and a more "cold" personality, are otherwise fully functioning members of society. IIRC a psychopathy-researcher who discovered a characteristic scan of the brain in psychopathy patients also found that he shared the same scan-type, and that he probably also had psychopathic tendencies. :v

More-over, it doesn't sound like you have psychopathy, because you don't consistently have that lack of empathy.

[Lenglon]

not feeling isn't necessarilly a bad thing. A lot of ER doctors/nurses don't empathize with their patients, and it helps them stay calm while dealing with horrible stuff. Like a lot of thoughts or feelings or desires, its not about how you feel, its all in what you do with that feeling.

[hops]

not feeling isn't necessarilly a bad thing. A lot of ER doctors/nurses don't empathize with their patients, and it helps them stay calm while dealing with horrible stuff. Like a lot of thoughts or feelings or desires, its not about how you feel, its all in what you do with that feeling.

I think that's just kind of a cultural thing? Individualism and such?

[Gentlefish]

not feeling isn't necessarilly a bad thing. A lot of ER doctors/nurses don't empathize with their patients, and it helps them stay calm while dealing with horrible stuff. Like a lot of thoughts or feelings or desires, its not about how you feel, its all in what you do with that feeling.

I think that's just kind of a cultural thing? Individualism and such?

More like empathy fatigue, a totally real and pretty horrible thing in the medical industry. They treat so many patients with horrific problems that they just go "Oh, he has a knife in his head and that guy's guts are literally on the floor. When's lunch, again?"

[hops]

I mean, maybe it's because I'm raised in that culture, but I kind of see it more as a professional apathy. Like you understand it as a tragedy, but professionalism trumps your conceern and as you do not know that person, it's kind of their own story to tell and you're just simply a professional who will serve them as much as possible without having to care too much.

[Reelya]

NO I'M A FREEEAAAAKK LOCK ME AWAY

I guess lack of empathy is normal in a lot of cases. It just feels weird because it's my family.

How do you feel about those people as people? There's also the Just World Fallacy, and that could be relevant. It's a really interesting area of psychology. Basically people changing their opinion of those who are suffering in order to avoid bad feelings themselves, and it's often counter-intuitive. e.g.

- subject gets electric shock for answering questions wrong. Observers are neutral towards them as a person. Because the punishment has a clear cause - the wrong answers.

- subject gets electric shock completely at random, and this is made clear to the observers. In this case, the observers start lowering their estimation of the "self worth" ofthe subject. So in other words if they can't find a rational reason for the shocks, they lower their "value" on that person so that it's "fair" for them to be shocked.

- subject gets electric shocks given by the observer. Now, you get the same devaluation of the person, execpt much more so. So they've lowered their valuation of them to make the unfair shocks "fair", and again to absolve their guilt for doing so.

This even extends to rape victims. A rape victim in "slutty clothes" gets no negative valuation, because it can be easily rationalized as "you shouldn't have worn those clothes". but a rape victim in tidy clothes, she actually gets labeled as of lower worth. This was actually found in the studies, and it sort of contradicts a few assumptions we normally make about what's called "victim blaming".

Basically the observers didn't want to accept that just anyone could be raped at random, they needed to either blame the clothes or blame the person. This suggests a more complex story - the typical "don't dress like that" rape advice serves a purpose for women. Telling women "things you can do" to protect yourself might actually give them a sense of agency. People want to believe they can minimize their risk through choices. e.g. women might not want to believe that random rapes just happen and there's nothing they can do. Rather than calling "protect yourself" advice "victim-blaming", activists might have this the wrong way around, if you go by the psychology research.

[Frumple]

Or it's just people getting used to what they do. Humans can normalize a lot of crazy shit, particularly if they're regularly exposed to it. Ain't gotta' be apathy or fatigue or whatever, just... getting used to it. The whatev' becoming part of what they see as common occurrence, which leads to notably different reactions towards it.

... that said, the family thing sounds more like depression or just not being particularly fond of parts of your family or somethin'. I've got relatively close family I'd have trouble mustering more care than I would for a stranger if I found 'em bleeding out in a ditch, and I don't think that's particularly uncommon. Blood relation, even a close one, doesn't necessitate you have much concern for the person in question, and it's entirely possible for past interaction to even build up a fair bit of antipathy. Either can lead to just kinda' going "eh" when shit happens to 'em.

Basically, it sounds less like sociopathy or whatev', t'me, and more like you just kinda' dislike your mom and sister, itis, or at least are so used to their issues on particular subjects it's not really a concern to you anymore. Come to the point you don't have much in the way of emotional attachment to 'em, at the very least on certain subjects. Which is okay, really. Not actually anything particularly unusual about that sort of thing.

[ChairmanPoo]

I mean, maybe it's because I'm raised in that culture, but I kind of see it more as a professional apathy. Like you understand it as a tragedy, but professionalism trumps your conceern and as you do not know that person, it's kind of their own story to tell and you're just simply a professional who will serve them as much as possible without having to care too much.

I don't see it like that. When you're in a tense situation the practical side takes over, and you make the decisions with a cool head, which does not mean at all that that you don't care what happens to them.

There is another issue altogether which is that a doctor will like some people better than others (and viceversa) but being a professional it shouldn't affect the standard of care.

[hops]

Well, I suppose I phrased it wrong, but I meant like as far as you're concerned, what only matters is that you aren't the one who make their situation worse by messing up your job.

[Yoink]

-Feels stuff-

Sounds to me like your Feels-gland is just overworked and worn out. Seems like a fair few stressful things going on, there.
Of course, I could easily be wrong here! I don't know you in person or anything. It's just, in a stressful home environment it's easy to become inured to it all.

[martinuzz]

Empathy and showing emotion really is a cultural thing. In many countries, not showing any sadness over the death of someone close to you will get you strange looks, and people will think you're a sociopath.
In other countries, showing emotions over the same thing and shedding tears in public will get you branded with a hysteria label and institutionalized.

[Neonivek]

Empathy and showing emotion really is a cultural thing. In many countries, not showing any sadness over the death of someone close to you will get you strange looks, and people will think you're a sociopath.
In other countries, showing emotions over the same thing and shedding tears in public will get you branded with a hysteria label and institutionalized.

I am not exactly sure that is an... accurate interpretation of other countries, assuming that is true.

At least... so far that Showing emotions might be ok... it might be the "In public" part... Though "Institutionalized" is something else entirely...

Ok, no too much WTF in here... I can't think of many ways such a society can function. I need evidence so I can know what this insane place was!