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[Shadowlord]

As for the college application, my mum read mine, scrapped it and wrote a new one for me. She's an unbelievably good writer so she wrote a better one, but she could a) have said she was doing it and b) not deleted my one off the computer.

The whole point of writing a college essay is lost if your mom does it!
Is she planning to micromanage your entire life?

Today I discovered that one of the doctors at the local urgent care clinic is, well...

He's a bit of a kook. He asked me what book I was reading (Ciaphas Cain: HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, for those curious), and when I explained that it was sci-fi he recommended that I check out the Ancient Aliens program on the "History" channel. I thought he was recommending some science fiction of his own, but he, in all apparent seriousness, informed me that the show had several PhDs on it (so they must be telling the truth) and described how modern humans are alien hybrids.

I'm going to be as charitable as possible and assume that he's competent enough in his own field and that his "theories" are relatively harmless nuttiness.

Its possible we are hybrids.

If you believe we were seeded by aliens in some sort of endeavor to create crossbreds/experiments/clones of themselves, than suggesting that we could crossbreed enough to have their dna is ... not the most batshit thing ever.

And, if you do that 'what-if' thing that people can do, than what if homoerectus was peoples and the more refined aliens gave us dexterity and intellect?  Or, what if they were the homo-erectus and we were the scrawny little people-apes?


I mean, it possible, and if certain conditions existed than it could even be likely.

What conditions? It sounds like you're assuming a whole lot of shit, imagining that evolution doesn't exist, and ignoring occam's razor. Well two can play at that game! Maybe we were created due to two powerful beings being granted near-godlike power, at which point they [Censored!]ed so hard that it birthed a new universe, world, and life!

[Yoink]

I thought we're still talking fiction. In which, you know, the employer is some reincarnated dark emperor who can only be slain by a child of pure heart.

LOAD THE BABYCANNON!

[Teneb]

What conditions? It sounds like you're assuming a whole lot of shit, imagining that evolution doesn't exist, and ignoring occam's razor. Well two can play at that game! Maybe we were created due to two powerful beings being granted near-godlike power, at which point they [Censored!]ed so hard that it birthed a new universe, world, and life!

Oh please, it is know that the universe is merely the dramatic reading of the ultimate shitpost.

I thought we're still talking fiction. In which, you know, the employer is some reincarnated dark emperor who can only be slain by a child of pure heart.

LOAD THE BABYCANNON!

No one said they had to be alive!

[Sirus]

On a final note, I had never been so eager to leave a doctor's office before. I was half-afraid that the dude would continue to talk my ear off about ancient aliens, and I only got away when I pretended that I was worried about getting to a pharmacy before it closed.

[King Kitteh]

Though goodness there are quite a few definitions... From being "Pure", untempted by sex, which is incredibly rare (ACES and Children)... To being "Untempted" which is outright impossible.

Then he can wear armor made out of dirty dirty magazines   

If we're going by the 7 deadly sins here, I also have some other ideas.

Pride: Employer wears armor made of mirrors.

Gluttony: Employer wears armor of sub sandwiches OR sub sandwich cards that are eligible for a free subsandwich.

Wrath: I dunno, ninjas are pretty violent, right? Atleast according to Britain and their "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles". Maybe he can cosplay as a ninja.

Envy: The child wants to kill the employer, so if the employer kills himself the child will be envious.

Sloth: Wear a snuggie®

[Neonivek]

I thought we're still talking fiction. In which, you know, the employer is some reincarnated dark emperor who can only be slain by a child of pure heart.

A child of pure heart is one untouched by greed. Money is their kryptonite. The employer simply needs to wear armor made of money, it's a full proof plan!

I like to say that the bare minimum to have a pure heart is to be without hatred (well hatred of anyone).

Though goodness there are quite a few definitions... From being "Pure", untempted by sex, which is incredibly rare (ACES and Children)... To being "Untempted" which is outright impossible.

That's more or less fiction for you. It's like Goku apparently being pure back when he was a kid, even though he hurt a lot of people. Though I suppose prior to him growing up he didn't really kill any of them.

Alternatively, he was animalistically dumb. Now, I want to see a fantasy story where the bad guy gets killed by a dog.

Goku also falls under the list of characters whose involvement in sex seems... sex offendery

Not on Goku's part mind you... on Chichi's... In that I don't think Goku has the ability to comprehend sex. HECK he didn't even know what marriage was when he got married (it kind of makes their relationship kind of really sad... I don't even think Goku, even now, knows what a Wife is...)

[pisskop]

ive caught more flak for alien posts than i do for my realfeelz posts

[IcyTea31]

What if one's heart is pure evil?

[Flying Dice]

What conditions? It sounds like you're assuming a whole lot of shit, imagining that evolution doesn't exist, and ignoring occam's razor. Well two can play at that game! Maybe we were created due to two powerful beings being granted near-godlike power, at which point they [Censored!]ed so hard that it birthed a new universe, world, and life!

Oh please, it is know that the universe is merely the dramatic reading of the ultimate shitpost.

Humanity is what happens when Gaia enters the planet-spirit equivalent of a shitpost contest.

[Putnam]

got one of those solifuges in here

um

the arachnid, not the person

these

my brother's freaking out lol

i don't care beats centipedes

[Yoink]

Obviously, the BABYCANNON uses pressurized magma as a propellant.
Or perhaps the babies are pumped full of magma before loading the cannon?

[Tack]

I dunno, 'pure heart' probably means it shouldn't be cooked, charred, scorched or blackened prior to being weaponized.

[Amperzand]

So the babies need to be placed in ablative sabots before loading, so as to survive launch by pressurized magma?

[Orange Wizard]

got one of those solifuges in here

um

the arachnid, not the person

these

my brother's freaking out lol

i don't care beats centipedes

Fuck me, that thing's horrible

Burn it all

[Arx]

Man, it's a great feeling when you ask someone for help with an abstruse paragraph of maths and they explain that that's a topic that under normal circumstances wouldn't be covered for a few more years. This lecturer is literally the least competent I have ever heard of.