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[Frumple]

... or just get along with your parent(s). Also a fairly viable strategy for enjoyable road trips.

In wtf news, today I have cooked the saddest pizza I've ever seen, and that's with a period of time in which I was trying basically all pizzas purchasable within easy driving range trying to find one that microwaved decently. Lean Cuisine's "vegetarian" pizza (which... isn't. It's a cheese pizza.). Looks like it's mostly cardboard, feels like it's mostly cardboard, functions like it's mostly cardboard. Lost around an eighth of it trying to pry it off the cooking surface included. It's like a little depressed rectangle of pseudo-pizza that just wants to lay down, go to sleep, and stop trying to be food.

Doesn't actually taste that bad for microwave-intended pizza, though, and for all the texture on the hands is terrible and cardboardy the texture in the mouth is alright, if a bit crunchy on the edges. It's the ugliest pizza that could, I guess.

[GiglameshDespair]

Depending on the rennet used in the cheese, it might not even be vegetarian.

[EnigmaticHat]

In wtf news, today I have cooked the saddest pizza I've ever seen, and that's with a period of time in which I was trying basically all pizzas purchasable within easy driving range trying to find one that microwaved decently. Lean Cuisine's "vegetarian" pizza (which... isn't. It's a cheese pizza.). Looks like it's mostly cardboard, feels like it's mostly cardboard, functions like it's mostly cardboard. Lost around an eighth of it trying to pry it off the cooking surface included. It's like a little depressed rectangle of pseudo-pizza that just wants to lay down, go to sleep, and stop trying to be food.

You're thinking of vegan, cheese is generally vegetarian.

There are some places in America where incredibly thin pizza is considered good.  As in, "so thin you can barely tell the bread is more than paper", and the cheese/sauce aren't much thicker.  A lot of the pizza I found in Boston was like that, although I stopped looking once I became lactose intolerant.

[GiglameshDespair]

I read it as though it is vegetarian, it hasn't got any distinguishing features to make it specifically vegetarian rather than just a cheese pizza.

[EnigmaticHat]

Oh, right.

[Frumple]

Yeah, it literally says "vegetarian" on the box. Its vegetable ingredient (note the singular) appears to be tomato sauce. If there's anything else in this thing it's powdered or some sort of spice. Basically someone took a cheese pizza and called it vegetarian because it didn't have any meat in it.

[GiglameshDespair]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Sirus]

Why microwave pizza though? o_o

Seriously, that's basically the worst way to cook/reheat pizza.

[Loud Whispers]

that's how you get soggy pizza

[Frumple]

This one was intended to be microwaved -- box pretty much explicitly said, "Don't cook this anywhere else." Note the Lean Cuisine. They tend to do frozen dinners ostensibly for people trying to diet. Someone else bought it for folks to try, and it had been in the freezer door for... a while. Months.

As for more generally, there was a period where a microwave has the only cooking method I had comfortable access to, and I still wanted to eat pizza occasionally (well, and not eat out, which is fuckoff overpriced). Since, well, it's quicker, easier, and generates less cookery to be cleaned than cooking in the oven. Do cook in the oven more often than not, (because yeah, it's better, and a bit easier to melt cheese and add ingredients and whatnot) but occasionally I get the hankering.

Totino's, by the way, is what I eventually settled on, which had bonus points for being just about the cheapest pizza on the market and the one that comes out least terrible when microwaved. Nuke for about six minutes, depending on oven strength. Comes out with a consistency roughly that of melted cheese (hence my offhand name for it is "melty pizza"), except maybe some crunchy-ish parts at the center. Very good for mixing with other things due to the texture (it's my primary other ingredient for mac&cheese&pizza, ferex), also pretty edible with some extra cheese and lemon pepper (and whatever else is on hand). It is pretty much the worst way to cook pizza, but it's the best option of the worst, that I've found. In that it's actually pretty edible instead of being... not.

[EnigmaticHat]

Yeah, it literally says "vegetarian" on the box. Its vegetable ingredient (note the singular) appears to be tomato sauce. If there's anything else in this thing it's powdered or some sort of spice. Basically someone took a cheese pizza and called it vegetarian because it didn't have any meat in it.

Right.  So like gluten free rice.

[Lord Shonus]

This one was intended to be microwaved -- box pretty much explicitly said, "Don't cook this anywhere else." Note the Lean Cuisine. They tend to do frozen dinners ostensibly for people trying to diet. Someone else bought it for folks to try, and it had been in the freezer door for... a while. Months.

As for more generally, there was a period where a microwave has the only cooking method I had comfortable access to, and I still wanted to eat pizza occasionally (well, and not eat out, which is fuckoff overpriced). Since, well, it's quicker, easier, and generates less cookery to be cleaned than cooking in the oven. Do cook in the oven more often than not, (because yeah, it's better, and a bit easier to melt cheese and add ingredients and whatnot) but occasionally I get the hankering.

Totino's, by the way, is what I eventually settled on, which had bonus points for being just about the cheapest pizza on the market and the one that comes out least terrible when microwaved. Nuke for about six minutes, depending on oven strength. Comes out with a consistency roughly that of melted cheese (hence my offhand name for it is "melty pizza"), except maybe some crunchy-ish parts at the center. Very good for mixing with other things due to the texture (it's my primary other ingredient for mac&cheese&pizza, ferex), also pretty edible with some extra cheese and lemon pepper (and whatever else is on hand). It is pretty much the worst way to cook pizza, but it's the best option of the worst, that I've found. In that it's actually pretty edible instead of being... not.

A toaster oven is infinitely superior to a microwave and has similar convenience factor.

[Frumple]

Also not allowed in many dorms. Due to the whole greater fire risk thing. Things seem to cook slower, too, in my experience. And be harder to clean. Etc., etc, etc. Next step down in terms of convenience, heh.

Being fair, I haven't really used the things too much. Some, but not terribly much. More versatile than a microwave, just also more nuisance.

[Rolan7]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Oh, that's where that's from!  I learned it from a friend and started saying it, hehe.

Thin pizza can be really good, depends on the toppings and quality of course.  But I prefer to get chewy, satisfying pizzas which are mostly bread.  As long as I eat slowly and burn the carbs off it's pretty ideal.  Also cheese sauce instead of tomato sauce is great sometimes.

Sometimes I just get a frozen pizza and pour a bunch of spinach and hot seasoning powder over it.  Or whatever other things, mushrooms or sliced onions etc.  I think it tastes better when I make a token effort.

[Graknorke]

Thin pizzas are infinitely better sorry. At least, by the measure of anyone who isn't American.