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[Neonivek]

Ugh! I am so nervous now that I put up a pathfinder game up.

Everyone talks about how there are too many players and not enough DMs... but that doesn't mean you will get any players xD

Ohh well, I have three bumps to go and so far my ad hasn't dropped off the page.

Any suggestions?

[UXLZ]

Don't screw up.

[Neonivek]

Don't screw up.

Well it took me three attempts to have a game that didn't end because I screwed up.

First time was because I bogged down the roleplay and made the players feel like they were being overly railroaded.

Second time was because I tolerated a player I should have tossed IMMEDIATELY

Third time was because some players got jobs

[UXLZ]

Easy fixes.

> Broad overview rather than finer plot points. Try to improvise a bit, though there's an art to railroading players without making them feel like they're being railroaded (or rather, guiding them), and it's also good to keep consequences in mind. Set up a crypt in a town that you wanted players to investigate and they choose not to? Turns out there was a necromancer in there, and after the players leave the town it gets wiped out by undead.
Alternatively you can use the setup at a later point in time, or have someone try to kidnap one of the players and bring them there, and so forth. Until you'v actually set something in stone, it's all fluid. Use that to your advantage.

> Yeah, just toss fuckwits like Flyme's problem player ASAP. All they do is ruin things.

> Sabotage your player's careers? :v

[BlackFlyme]

Duly noted. Not sure what I can do about it. But wait, it gets worse!

Spoiler: Off to NeverNever Land (click to show/hide)

>Everyone comes to in desolate wasteland. Attempts to discern location yield nothing.
>Only thing of note is a massive tower off in the distance. We cannot see the top.
>Hear sounds of battle off in the distance; run towards it.
>See a lightly armoured figure in combat with two medusae.
>Sexy, unclothed serpent ladies.
>We help the lightly armoured guy.
>Giving a CR7 mythic tiers doesn't magically make them equivalent to level 20s.
>Mysterious figure reveals himself to be a dragon so large that it is several categories above colossal, the largest category in the game.
>Says he is the herald of one of the gods. I forget which one.
>We ask where we are. "How could you not know? You are in Planescape!"
>As thanks, he takes us to the plane of Bytopia.
>Implying he totally couldn't have handled that himself, even though he is stronger in human form.
>Go to search for someone who could tell us what the shiny thing is, as Dragonman didn't know.
>Come across a gnome fisting Hades.
>DM lets joke go on for too long. He had his hand in a portal to the plane of Hades.
>Describes in graphic detail of all the soot and slime coating his arm before letting us in on the joke.
>Ask him to look at the shiny thing. He says it is some sort of device that lets you do a lot of stuff in Planescape.
>Can't remember what it's called, can't be assed to look. I don't think it is from Pathfinder.
>He demands we give him it, we say no and head to the tavern for rest.
>During the night, DM asks us to roll perceptions. Those who pass hear the Bard and the Cleric having sex.
>DM rolls, reveals to us out of context that Bard is now pregnant with twins.
>Still don't know she's a succubus.
>Next morning, we hear the entire bar in an uproar.
>The blood war between demons, daemons, and devils has ended, and all have united under Asmodeus, the ruler of devils.
>Even neutral entities have jumped to Asmodeus' side. Even neutral deities that oppose evil.
>Some even have paladin orders. How the hell does that work?
>Decide that best course of action is to planeshift to Heaven.

Spoiler: Character Assassination: Deicide (click to show/hide)

>Climb mount Celestia, or whatever it's called.
>Apparently all gods reside in huts at the top. Walk into one real loud one.
>All good deities discussing what to do about the fact that it is now good versus everything else.
>Eventually meeting adjourns, and all except Paladin/Cleric's goddess disappear, plus the god of revelry, who fell asleep during the meeting.
>Fighter worships god of revelry, asks to share a drink. God beats him over the head with a mug.
>Because that's totally what a god of revelry and comradery would do.
>He then disappears, and our goddess asks us to come to her hut to discuss a course of action.
>Reveals that Bard is a succubus. No-one really cares.
>Wants to be Cleric's baby-momma to earn redemption.
>We walk into goddess' hut. It's a massive pool inside.
>Goddess starts giving us a strip-tease, talks about what is going on.
>Asmodeus has somehow taken over Sigil.
>His goal is to release Rovagug. A god so evil and destructive that he literally has no allies.
>Even the most evil of gods helped to seal him away because he is just that evil.
>Wait, if the devils and demons have sigil, and have banded together, then why don't they just pour out of the Worldwound and take over the material plane?
>"They decided to close the wound"
>Thanks for filling your plothole with another plothole.
>Goddess starts swimming naked, asks us to go back to the gnome and get him to get us into Sigil using his portal powers.
>Explains how the Lady of Pain decided she finally wanted to be recognized as a deity, and have followers and worshippers of her own.
>Wizard starts swimming with goddess, and starts fingering her.
>Lady of Pain handed Sigil to Asmodeus, so that he could help her.
>Fucking WHAT!?

[UXLZ]

Your... DM... Is just... SO bad. It's insane. It reads like an incredibly shitty fanfic. And the wizard randomly fingering the goddess, I mean like, the hell? That's just so obviously wish fulfillment (I mean, it was his past character. Plus, why are there two DMPCs?)

Direct him to /d/ and move along. Don't play with this guy. Eventually he's gonna start nicking stuff from FATAL, and if you don't know what FATAL is... Well, go to 1d4chan and look it up. Here's a hint about what to expect: Roll for anal circumference.

[Gunner-Chan]

His game is about 2 sessions away from turning into Dungeons and Bad Dragons.

Though I feel like, at least having a succubus character wear very little does kinda make sense. Though cape and ONE BELT Is too silly, at least go for the belts as clothes look...

[Sergarr]

So wait, the bad guy has not only stopped the Blood War, he has also allied with frikking Lady of Pain?

TALK ABOUT A MARY SUE

[UXLZ]

I wonder if the DM was setting up a tent while he was describing his bard. I mean, I like redheads, but that's absurd.

Also, yeah, belts-as-clothes can be cool, but it's best in my opinion if there's just like, a plain black bodysuit underneath, covered in belts. Showing lots of skin is never really that interesting.

Sergarr: This DM/player is one of the worst I've ever heard of, what do you expect? Definitely a Whizzard, and Flyme strayed into his magical realm.

[Tawa]

Direct him to /d/ and move along. Don't play with this guy. Eventually he's gonna start nicking stuff from FATAL, and if you don't know what FATAL is... Well, go to 1d4chan and look it up. Here's a hint about what to expect: Roll for anal circumference.

Oh god, he's right. Man, you gotta get out of there before this dude starts pressing quadratic equations and 1d1,000,000 rolls on you to find out if the woman he forced your character to have sex with is pregnant.

[Draignean]

Wa, eh... I don't.

Christ, I don't even know where to go from there. Honest to God. I'm a 3.5 guy, not a pathfinder, so I'm not sure what some of those objects/places are, but Mother of Dead Gods that's terrible. I'm a fairly conservative DM, but I'm a pretty damn liberal player, and I'd just be slackjawed at a player finger their goddess.

Admittedly, campaigns with high-level players take some serious work, so a couple of plot holes are forgivable. I mean, after you get past a certain point the necessary enemy power level to maintain tension becomes DBZ silly. Hell, a couple of minor plot holes are to be expected if you've got a DM that doesn't railroad and gives players a mostly free hand, but...

Have you asked him to consider running a low level campaign? Actually building a campaign where you can't handwave things with deities and supernatural beings every half-step is a great way to learn how to make a real campaign.

[BlackFlyme]

Asmodeus is a canon god, doing very uncharacteristic things. All of the deities are acting uncharacteristic.

The Lady despises deities. Would be more than happy to strike down someone who tried to worship her. To let a deity into Sigil, let alone give up control over it, would be absolutely absurd.

The Gods Must be Crazy?

And aside from trying to start a lesbian scene between the investigator and the succubus, and turning my paladin into a woman via magical junk-changing full plate, that's about all of the overtly sexual stuff.

Except for gushing about the succubus. He does that at least once an hour. Like I said, he claims to have done a lot of "research" on redheads to figure out what he wanted the succubus to look like.

There's still more to the story, but I'm out of time for tonight.

E: He ran a low-level campaign once. It was also bad. His DMPC could go from a level 7 bard to a solar, the most powerful angel in the game. At will.

He also threw us up against a half dozen ropers, which can each perform six touch attacks in a round, which each deal 1d6 strength drain. Was almost a TPK.

He was never good at balance. One player quit after losing his character three times. Twice in one session, even.

[flabort]

I'll respond to Flyme's GText story in a moment. Once I finish reading.

First my WTF: Why doesn't any of this signing-up-for-college stuff make sense?!
I find the list of classes, and the list looks tailor made for me. Only there's too many of them, or something, and I'm told that that isn't actually the program. What? But it's arranged in a logical order and in steps that I feel I can handle. Yeah, I guess it didn't make sense that all of them started with "COMP", but why doesn't it make sense that so many of them are 400 level?
So I'm pointed to the real "Programs" section, where I find one that includes some of the courses I saw on that list, but there's very few of the important ones (like COMP206 Introduction to C++ is missing), and there's something called an "Electives" section and an "Options" section and AAHH! I'm overwhelmed and none of this makes sense and why can't this be a straight forward thing?!

[UXLZ]

Draignean: As far as I can tell, the Wizard dude was his last character (the DM). There's the Bard DMPC, and the Wizard NPC/DMPC. As I said, overt and obvious wish fulfillment.

E: How the fuck did he justify that? (The Solar thing.)

[BlackFlyme]

Draignean: As far as I can tell, the Wizard dude was his last character (the DM). There's the Bard DMPC, and the Wizard NPC/DMPC. As I said, overt and obvious wish fulfillment.

E: How the fuck did he justify that? (The Solar thing.)

He was the son of a god. The campaign was about us stopping his evil twin brother, who was also a solar.

He described it as a fantasy version of Mass Effect. Except we lost, because we couldn't find allies.

Everyone we were supposed to recruit were irredeemably evil, and were put down because of it, so we lost because we had too little support.