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[Frumple]

They might still be attached that way, though...

[BlackFlyme]

Y'all want to hear about 'that guy' DM and his magical realm?

Spoiler: Introductions (click to show/hide)

>It all started after we killed evil lord what's-his-face #9834 from taking over the world.
>Together, us six adventurers from some small town of no real importance had accomplished the unaccomplishable. Shut up, it's totally a word.
>The first of us is Delirious, the helf-elven mercenary Fighter, and his trusty adamantine elven curved blade, Tetris.
>Next is our aasimar Cleric, Dicker, who tended to our wounds and gained a hard-on for killing undead the second he found out his goddess hated them.
>Followed by Vandal, our ratfolk Rogue/Wizard who did just about everything so that no-one else could have fun.
>Then there is... Uhh... Our catfolk Investigator. Not really memorable. Stupidly high AC though.
>One I do remember is Shitaki, the human Ninja. He tripped things, and liked to stay invisible all the time.
>Finally, there is I, the aasimar Paladin. I hit things, with the help of my trusty horse, Horse. Not really, it was just a glorified meat motorcycle during the entire campaign.
>I finally got around to statting and gearing Horse after the campaign was over. It is a beast, and I regret not using him.
>After our mission had been completed, we parted ways.
>Anyways, the player of Vandal wanted to run his own campaign, with all of our characters returning. Unfortunately, we obliged.

Spoiler: An Adventure Renewed (click to show/hide)

>Five years had passed since the group had last been together.
>No-one did much. Paladin went on a pilgrimage. Cleric went on an undead hunting safari.
>Fighter kept on fighting, Investigator did nothing.
>Ninja went home to his emperor, and trained more ninjas.
>Wizard stole the big bad evil guy's tower for himself.
>Suddenly, one day we were all attacked by demons that literally appeared out of thin air!
>Yea, I know, it's stupid. Just roll with it. It's not that bad yet.
>Forced to fight a demon one-on-one, whatever shall we do?
>Paladin obliterates a pit fiend without breaking a sweat.
>Investigator can't hit for shit, but can't get hit due to high AC. Eventually nickel-and-dimes it to death.
>Cleric spends several turns self-buffing, gets to a point where he can no longer be hurt.
>Outraged, the demon levels an entire town to goad the Cleric.
>Fighter gets dominated by demon.
>"Oh wait, don't half-elves have a resistance to mind effects?"
>"Damnit! Okay, fine." Fighter is fine, cuts demon in two.
>Ninja gets stunlocked by demon.
>Ninjas_have_poor_fort.png, HFW: (;-;)
>Other ninjas nearby see this, and use the Ninja's friendship bracelet to port in Cleric.
>Before porting, Cleric uses his own bracelet to port in Paladin.
>Round_Two_Bitches.avi, today is the day of the paladin.
>Cleric arrives in ninja-land, doesn't understand a word they are saying. No points in linguistics FTW.
>Sees demon, knows what to do anyways. Uses a prismatic sphere, which turns it to stone.
>Battles are over. Cleric uses bracelet to port everyone in.
>Where's Wizzy?
>Go back to BBEG's lair. Now a large bustling town thanks to Wizard.
>No-one has seen Wizard for weeks. Assumed he was studying in his library as normal.
>Enter tower. Pretty much destroyed. Found Wizard in library. And kitchen. And in various other rooms.
>Cleric uses true-resurrection, hears a voice in his head.
>Voice says that this was the last raising of the dead he could ever perform.
>OhShit.jpeg, running DarkSouls.exe
>Ask Wizard what happened. "Demons, dumbass."
>"We should go find out why we were attacked!"
>Nah, I was planning on just sitting here and waiting for the next wave of them.

Spoiler: Quick, To the Other Side of the World! (click to show/hide)

>All somehow back in ninja-land
>Not even sure of how we got to tower in the first place. All Aboard the Magical DM Railroad?
>Ask what to do next. Wizard has an idea.
>Overheard demons talking about where they were going next.
>Off to Katapesh, which is a ways a way the fuck south from where the country the adventure started in.
>"Wait, aren't we in a completely different continent?"
>"Right, that's why the Ninja's emperor has commissioned a magical flying boat that can travel from here to where we need to be in less than a day"
>Couldn't one of us just use teleport? Nah, that would imply logic. Magical flying speedboat time!
>Arrive in city of Katapesh, the capital of the country Katapesh.
>That's actual canon. Probably the only correct use of it in the entire adventure!
>Ask around to find out who may know of the demons' target. Beggar boy says he can show us to the regent for some silver.
>Cleric gives him 300 gold for showing us the way. Kid is probably one of the richest people in their district now.
>Ask guards to let us through, and they oblige after learning of who we are. They call the regent, who has a feast prepared for us.
>See slaves. No es bueno.
>Get angry over slaves.
>"But slavery is law here!" the DM says. "As lawful characters, you respect it!"
>Cleric and Paladin follow a goddess of freedom. DM shit won't fly.
>"But wait!" the DM implored; "You hear the voice of your goddess in your head!"
>She said that she is fine with slavery, and for us to ignore it.
>Eating feast, regent calls for entertainment to be brought out.
>Half naked, obviously starved bard comes out and is made to sing. DM says we are fine with it again.
>Bard does not sing well enough for regent's liking. Backhands her, and has guards strip her and start whipping her to make her sing better.
>All the lawful characters are forced to applaud by the DM.
>Fighter is chaotic good, and so is the only one allowed to step forward and call bullshit.
>Wrestles guard with whip, begins whipping him in return.
>Get booted out of the castle, but are welcomed to return whenever (??)
>Learn that regent has no real power, but the council that puppets him is even worse.
>Wizard and Cleric sneak into castle, asks Bard how we can free her.
>Told that the only way to win the regent's favour would be to win a gladiatorial tournament.
>We enter, and are faced up against a bunch of level twelves and one level twenty.
>Numpties go down easy. The level 20 rage prophet almost murders the fighter with one full attack action.
>We win, barely. Regent asks what we want as our prize. We want Bard.
>Tell Bard our situation. She somehow knows where to go.
>Leads us out to the desert, towards an abandoned mansion.

Parts 1 to 3, out of "I have no idea"

[Gunner-Chan]

No no. I got a better idea.

You tie the fallopian tubes together. Stick it in his throat. And then hang him up somewhere by his balls! Poi!

It's the peice of shit missletoe replacement nobody wanted and now everyone got! Poi!

[Teneb]

Y'all want to hear about 'that guy' DM and his magical realm?

Spoiler: Introductions (click to show/hide)

>It all started after we killed evil lord what's-his-face #9834 from taking over the world.
>Together, us six adventurers from some small town of no real importance had accomplished the unaccomplishable. Shut up, it's totally a word.
>The first of us is Delirious, the helf-elven mercenary Fighter, and his trusty adamantine elven curved blade, Tetris.
>Next is our aasimar Cleric, Dicker, who tended to our wounds and gained a hard-on for killing undead the second he found out his goddess hated them.
>Followed by Vandal, our ratfolk Rogue/Wizard who did just about everything so that no-one else could have fun.
>Then there is... Uhh... Our catfolk Investigator. Not really memorable. Stupidly high AC though.
>One I do remember is Shitaki, the human Ninja. He tripped things, and liked to stay invisible all the time.
>Finally, there is I, the aasimar Paladin. I hit things, with the help of my trusty horse, Horse. Not really, it was just a glorified meat motorcycle during the entire campaign.
>I finally got around to statting and gearing Horse after the campaign was over. It is a beast, and I regret not using him.
>After our mission had been completed, we parted ways.
>Anyways, the player of Vandal wanted to run his own campaign, with all of our characters returning. Unfortunately, we obliged.

Spoiler: An Adventure Renewed (click to show/hide)

>Five years had passed since the group had last been together.
>No-one did much. Paladin went on a pilgrimage. Cleric went on an undead hunting safari.
>Fighter kept on fighting, Investigator did nothing.
>Ninja went home to his emperor, and trained more ninjas.
>Wizard stole the big bad evil guy's tower for himself.
>Suddenly, one day we were all attacked by demons that literally appeared out of thin air!
>Yea, I know, it's stupid. Just roll with it. It's not that bad yet.
>Forced to fight a demon one-on-one, whatever shall we do?
>Paladin obliterates a pit fiend without breaking a sweat.
>Investigator can't hit for shit, but can't get hit due to high AC. Eventually nickel-and-dimes it to death.
>Cleric spends several turns self-buffing, gets to a point where he can no longer be hurt.
>Outraged, the demon levels an entire town to goad the Cleric.
>Fighter gets dominated by demon.
>"Oh wait, don't half-elves have a resistance to mind effects?"
>"Damnit! Okay, fine." Fighter is fine, cuts demon in two.
>Ninja gets stunlocked by demon.
>Ninjas_have_poor_fort.png, HFW: (;-;)
>Other ninjas nearby see this, and use the Ninja's friendship bracelet to port in Cleric.
>Before porting, Cleric uses his own bracelet to port in Paladin.
>Round_Two_Bitches.avi, today is the day of the paladin.
>Cleric arrives in ninja-land, doesn't understand a word they are saying. No points in linguistics FTW.
>Sees demon, knows what to do anyways. Uses a prismatic sphere, which turns it to stone.
>Battles are over. Cleric uses bracelet to port everyone in.
>Where's Wizzy?
>Go back to BBEG's lair. Now a large bustling town thanks to Wizard.
>No-one has seen Wizard for weeks. Assumed he was studying in his library as normal.
>Enter tower. Pretty much destroyed. Found Wizard in library. And kitchen. And in various other rooms.
>Cleric uses true-resurrection, hears a voice in his head.
>Voice says that this was the last raising of the dead he could ever perform.
>OhShit.jpeg, running DarkSouls.exe
>Ask Wizard what happened. "Demons, dumbass."
>"We should go find out why we were attacked!"
>Nah, I was planning on just sitting here and waiting for the next wave of them.

Spoiler: Quick, To the Other Side of the World! (click to show/hide)

>All somehow back in ninja-land
>Not even sure of how we got to tower in the first place. All Aboard the Magical DM Railroad?
>Ask what to do next. Wizard has an idea.
>Overheard demons talking about where they were going next.
>Off to Katapesh, which is a ways a way the fuck south from where the country the adventure started in.
>"Wait, aren't we in a completely different continent?"
>"Right, that's why the Ninja's emperor has commissioned a magical flying boat that can travel from here to where we need to be in less than a day"
>Couldn't one of us just use teleport? Nah, that would imply logic. Magical flying speedboat time!
>Arrive in city of Katapesh, the capital of the country Katapesh.
>That's actual canon. Probably the only correct use of it in the entire adventure!
>Ask around to find out who may know of the demons' target. Beggar boy says he can show us to the regent for some silver.
>Cleric gives him 300 gold for showing us the way. Kid is probably one of the richest people in their district now.
>Ask guards to let us through, and they oblige after learning of who we are. They call the regent, who has a feast prepared for us.
>See slaves. No es bueno.
>Get angry over slaves.
>"But slavery is law here!" the DM says. "As lawful characters, you respect it!"
>Cleric and Paladin follow a goddess of freedom. DM shit won't fly.
>"But wait!" the DM implored; "You hear the voice of your goddess in your head!"
>She said that she is fine with slavery, and for us to ignore it.
>Eating feast, regent calls for entertainment to be brought out.
>Half naked, obviously starved bard comes out and is made to sing. DM says we are fine with it again.
>Bard does not sing well enough for regent's liking. Backhands her, and has guards strip her and start whipping her to make her sing better.
>All the lawful characters are forced to applaud by the DM.
>Fighter is chaotic good, and so is the only one allowed to step forward and call bullshit.
>Wrestles guard with whip, begins whipping him in return.
>Get booted out of the castle, but are welcomed to return whenever (??)
>Learn that regent has no real power, but the council that puppets him is even worse.
>Wizard and Cleric sneak into castle, asks Bard how we can free her.
>Told that the only way to win the regent's favour would be to win a gladiatorial tournament.
>We enter, and are faced up against a bunch of level twelves and one level twenty.
>Numpties go down easy. The level 20 rage prophet almost murders the fighter with one full attack action.
>We win, barely. Regent asks what we want as our prize. We want Bard.
>Tell Bard our situation. She somehow knows where to go.
>Leads us out to the desert, towards an abandoned mansion.

Parts 1 to 3, out of "I have no idea"

Did you omit the DMs extremely detailed description of the bard (a mention is fine, I guess), or did that happen in parts 4+?

[BlackFlyme]

He mentioned her as an absurdly beautiful redhead who wears nothing but a cape and a belt.

Which are actually her wings and her tail, because succubus. Her disguise is well above 50, so no-one would ever know.

The descriptions come up randomly throughout game-time, and aren't worth mentioning.

[Neonivek]

I am half tempted for the next game I run to describe all the characters as incredibly sexy people in almost fetishistic clothing.

[UXLZ]

*strangled noises*

That guy SUCKS. And this is coming from someone who tried to make a campaign that was a continent-sized Hunger Games-esque scavenger/treasure hunt, the players of the game (the PCs and NPCs) led by a magical map each group was granted one of and watched/sponsored by the various gods and powerful entities of the multiverse. The supposed end reward being the granting of (almost) any wish. Neat concept, baaaaad execution. Shoulda brought them in at level 7 or something, not level 3. (DnD 5e)

What game was this, again? Pathfinder?

[Sirus]

He mentioned her as an absurdly beautiful redhead who wears nothing but a cape and a belt.

Which are actually her wings and her tail, because succubus. Her disguise is well above 50, so no-one would ever know.

The descriptions come up randomly throughout game-time, and aren't worth mentioning.

I disagree. If you want people to understand just how much this guy inserts his fetishes into everything, these descriptions are important. Plus it's just plain dumb

[majikero]

You seriously should direct him to website that cater to his kind of "needs".

[Neonivek]

You seriously should direct him to website that cater to his kind of "needs".

I am not sure there are any good sites about seeking psychiatric help.

[majikero]

I'm talking about his fetishist RP urges but I guess that works too.

[BlackFlyme]

Pathfinder, aye.

Spoiler: It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, it's--What the Fuck!? (click to show/hide)

>Wandering around desert for a few hours, see a group up ahead being assaulted by some flying things.
>Approach closer, roll perceptions.
>Just about everyone gets it. Even Horse.
>Gnolls. Riding dragons! How could this be?
>No ranged support, lol. Have to ready actions to swing as the gnolls use flyby attack.
>Paladin detects evil. Gnolls are, dragons aren't.
>Cleric uses some anti-evil ray, kills a gnoll.
>Horse lands on ground, breaks its neck.
>Party's face when: O_o
>"That dragon was a horse!?"
>Actually ingenious use of archetypes to be a dick with gnoll cavaliers.
>Few horses survive, all gnolls are dead. Calm horses with handle animal, give them to the gnoll's victims to ride to safety.
>Continue on to mansion, eventually see it.
>Was not expecting there to be servants still there.
>Inform them of master's death. They don't care, still keep the place maintained.
>Doorman won't let us in. We all try diplomacy, intimidate, and bluffs.
>"WTF, we got well over 40 on some of those rolls!"
>Bard walks up. Fondles doorman. He lets us in.
>Explore a bit. Notice everyone avoids basement. Go to walk down.
>Warned that no-one is allowed down there, and those that go down never return.
>Well, now we have to.
>Walk down, see pressure plate on ground.
>"Disarm it? Investigate it? Nah, let's just force the paladin onto it. He's got good saves, right?" Assholes.
>Step on, lots of grinding noises made, but nothing seems to happen. Continue on.
>Walk into next room. Filled with golems. Plate triggered hidden walls.
>Wizard stonewalls the enclaves that they were pouring out of.
>Send Ninja and Investigator down the hall to grab what they can from the office and flee.
>Rest hold off the golems.
>Ninja grabs everything shiny. Investigator finds odd remote in a desk.
>They look around. Glass office, glass hall.
>Seemingly endless in all directions. Nothing but machinery building golems and pushing them against the stone wall.
>Suddenly loud banging. Investigator turns towards sound, and sees a colossal adamantine golem running at breakneck speed towards the party.
>Machinery breaks as the golem runs through it. The entire mansion shakes.
>The ground shakes for literally miles around.
>Everyone books it upstairs. Servants ask what the hell is going on.
>Investigator pulls out remote, asks who can use magic devices.
>Ninja takes it, yells "STOP!" at the remote. It works.
>We also discovers it summons a flesh golem. But flesh golem are putz at this level, so meh.
>Ninja pulls out shiny thing, we all stare at it.
>Everyone feels the urge to touch it. We are all blinded by a flashing light.

[UXLZ]

As much as I enjoy reading about all these things, Flyme (becuase I'm a sadist or something. :v) you seriously need to just stop playing with this guy. As far as I can tell he has totally ruined or intentionally attempted to totally ruin every single game he has been in or DM'd. If an intervention won't work, cut him loose. I think I remember you saying that you played with him because he was an old friend/member or whatever, but it sounds like he's just ruining the RP experience for you (and everyone else.)

[Sergarr]

As much as I enjoy reading about all these things, Flyme (becuase I'm a sadist or something. :v) you seriously need to just stop playing with this guy. As far as I can tell he has totally ruined or intentionally attempted to totally ruin every single game he has been in or DM'd. If an intervention won't work, cut him loose. I think I remember you saying that you played with him because he was an old friend/member or whatever, but it sounds like he's just ruining the RP experience for you (and everyone else.)

Have you considered the possibility of Flyme being into masochistic RP experiences?

[UXLZ]

Considered? Yes. Deemed unlikely it was. Flyme continuing to play out of obligation it seems. Really shit, that DM is.