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[Ddynamo]

Here's the entire story of Legolas by Laura. Copied and Pasted. Take a drink every time the words 'and, 'said', 'meanwhile', or 'then' are used.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Legolas was riding along the woods and one day he found a baby whaped in colth so he got off his horse and went to the baby and then Legolas said"who left you here little one"and then the baby just cryed and then Legolas pick her up and hold her and then the baby stoped crying and then Legolas said"your name is going be Laura"and then Legolas and the baby went onto the horse and went back to the castle where he lived.Legolas said"father mother I found this little baby in the woods and then Legolas mother got up and walked down and said"how can people put baby in the woodsand to die".Then Legolas father said"we are going to keep her"and then Legolas was happy for someriseing.

 10 Years Later

 Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".Then Legolas said"whats a matter"and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".Then Legolas said"Ok"and then Legolas said"first you get dresses and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".

 Mean while Legolas and Laura was horseriding and then Laura said"Legolas whos that"and then Legolas looked and it was Gandalf and Strider.Legolas said"that is Gandalf and Strdier"and then Strider said"Legolas"and then Legolas said"Strider long time seen" and then Strider said"hows you"and then Legolas said"I am fine"and then Gandalf said"whos this then"and then Legolas said"meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby".Laura was shy at first and then Legolas said"Laura come and meet Strider and Gandalf"and then Laura said"hello I am Laura".Legolas said"she is the princess"and then Strider said"she is so cute"and then Legolas said"that will be my falut"and then Gandalf said"why"and then Laura said"he protects me thats why"and then Legolas looked up and said"I think we should go back to the castle"and then Laura said"I can feel it too".

 Legolas said"do you want to stay for a night"and then Gandalf and Strider said"yes please"and then they had tea and went to bed.During the night Legolas ask the gards to keep an eye on Laura's room.Mean while the Orcs climed up the window and grabed Laura and then Laura woke up and screamed and then the gard went into her room and saw lots of Orcs and then Legolas ran down the hall.Then Legolas said"where is Laura"and then the gards said"the Orcs took her".

 Mean while the Orcs was back at Mondor and then Laura said"put me down"and then the Orcs did and then the Dark lord came out of the fire and said"welcome Laura"and then Laura looked at him and said"no it can't be"and then she tryed to run away but the Orcs got her.Then the Dark lord said"put her into the cell and bet her and also do what ever you want with her but do not kill her".Then the Orcs took her to the cell and trow her into the cell and then they shut the door.Laura go up and went to the window and looked out and she was wishing that Legolas or someone will save her.Mean while back at the castle of Milkwood Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save Laura.Mean while Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the Orcs striped her and then he raped her and then Laura said"go away you bastard".Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura.

 Few hours later

 Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor to save princess Laura.Mean while in the cell where Laura was been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right arm but not her left.Then Laura said"I feel so cold"and then she can't see very well.At the frount gates of Mondor was Legolas and the others and then they said"let Laura go"and then the Dark lord said"no"and then Legolas said"right lisson I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find another way in.Then Strider said"alright" and then Legolas started to clim up.Mean while Strider and the others ran into Mondor and went into the castle.Gandalf said"I'll will go and kill the Dark lord and you and the others go and help Legolas".Strdier said"becareful"and then Gandalf said"I will don't you worry about me".

 Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura is.Legolas said"Laura are you in there"and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.

 Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked"and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

 Then the fright began

 Legolas got out his bow and arrows andstarted fireing at them.Then Legolas saw some swords and said"Strider is that you"and then Strider said"yes it is"and then Legolas and the others started to kill the Orcs.Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the Dark lord.Gandalf said"I wish Frodo and Merry and Pippen and Sam was here"and then a sword came out of nowhere and said"some wished us here"and then Gandalf turned and said"Frodo baggins why you doing here".Then Frodo said"we came to help you and also we got rid of the ring"and then the Dark Lord said"oh no"and then the magical powers from Gandalf distoryed the Dark lord.

 Mean while Legolas and Strider and the others was helping Laura down and Strider took off his cape and put it around Laura.

 FEW HOURS LATER

 Legolas and the others are on the way back to the castle.Legolas said"we must go to Rivendell to get Laura better".Then Gandalf said"I think you are right"and then they turned around and went to Rivendell.Legolas looked down on Laura and put his hand onto Laura's head and she was bruning up.Strider went aside of Legolas horse and looked and said"she is getting wose"and then Legolas said"I know".

 FEW HOURS LATER

 They were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side everyday intill she wakes up and then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips and then she moved her arms around Legolas and then Legolas said"all you alright"and then Laura said"yes I am".Legolas said"I am soo happy"and then Laura said"Do you want to be my boyfriend"and then Legolas said"yes I will be your boyfriend"and then Laura and Legolas kissed again.Laura said"what happened to me Legolas"and then Legolas said"you got kidnaped by the Orcs and they raped you and also bet you almost to death and then the Dark lord gave you some posion"and then Laura said"why I can only move on arm"and then Legolas said"your left arm is broken".Then the door opened and it was Strider and then Laura said"Hello Strider"and then Strider said"I see you are awake"and then Laura


(Yes, it really ends abruptly. Don't blame me please)

[nenjin]

Spoiler tags would be grand for that 16 point or whatever font.

[TD1]

"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can"

The Dark Lord version of "you can do the thing?" 

[pisskop]

Wait, did an elf just raise a baby as her father for ten years until she got kidnapped by orcs, raped, and then saved by elf magic?  And then Legolas decided to date said 10 year old?

[wobbly]

...whaped in colth....

Is it meant to be read with a lisp?

[smjjames]

Wait, did an elf just raise a baby as her father for ten years until she got kidnapped by orcs, raped, and then saved by elf magic?  And then Legolas decided to date said 10 year old?

Sounds like something that could happen in DF by way of some bug.

[smeeprocket]

So this is a thing, with multiple books...

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=dino+porn

[smjjames]

What led you to searching for those? lol

And um, yeah, it's like one of those really niche books I guess. and no I haven't read them, if the previous sentence implies that.

[Ddynamo]

Wait, did an elf just raise a baby as her father for ten years until she got kidnapped by orcs, raped, and then saved by elf magic?  And then Legolas decided to date said 10 year old?

I'm more concerned with this bit.

they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me

....what.

[smeeprocket]

What led you to searching for those? lol

And um, yeah, it's like one of those really niche books I guess. and no I haven't read them, if the previous sentence implies that.

I read a cracked article about them

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/10-real-book-covers-from-dinosaur-on-human-sex-novels/

yes he bought the books, and wrote about some of the... anatomically difficult scenes.

[Orange Wizard]

Oh yeah, I remember those books. They read like a bad fanfic, and have a habit of ignoring certain... restrictions. Which, to be fair, is kind of necessary when you want to fit a T-Rex dong in there.

[Bauglir]

Wait, did an elf just raise a baby as her father for ten years until she got kidnapped by orcs, raped, and then saved by elf magic?  And then Legolas decided to date said 10 year old?

No, no, no. Notice that at the quotes enclosing what Legolas said to his father and mother never actually close until after a 'Then Strider said"' that occurs after the kidnapping and suchlike, but before the rescue. So the entire story between there is Legolas' narration.

I assume the author is something like 10 years old? In which case it's probably a bit worrisome that rape is such a standard trope that it apparently occurs to her as an ordinary way of adding drama to the plot.

[Aseaheru]

Well, thats one for the WTFHISTS,IMR list...

[smeeprocket]

Wait, did an elf just raise a baby as her father for ten years until she got kidnapped by orcs, raped, and then saved by elf magic?  And then Legolas decided to date said 10 year old?

No, no, no. Notice that at the quotes enclosing what Legolas said to his father and mother never actually close until after a 'Then Strider said"' that occurs after the kidnapping and suchlike, but before the rescue. So the entire story between there is Legolas' narration.

I assume the author is something like 10 years old? In which case it's probably a bit worrisome that rape is such a standard trope that it apparently occurs to her as an ordinary way of adding drama to the plot.

ahh from the mouths of babes...

[Orange Wizard]

Pretty sure Bauglir's a dude.