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[MadMalkavian]

A college girl with tattoos and a ponytail who lives in the apartment above me waved at me this morning. I'm still not certain what that was about nor if I should feel awkward or amused with myself. I'm thinking awkward.

She was creepy then?

No that wasn't it. What little I remember of her appearance and demeanor was cute and bubbly. I'm just socially awkward and inexperienced when it comes to socializing with people within my age group on terms that don't involve me being bullied, assaulted, manipulated or having stuff stolen from me. I'm not used to people my age acting friendly towards me for the most part.

Then what's the deal? If she's being nice to you then just go make a friend. If you're aware of your inexperience then you should be attempting to gain some rather than avoid every chance of it. I see you talking about how awful your life is every day on the forums, but never about any of the things you've been doing to try to improve it. Take some initiative and make yourself happy! You're telling yourself it's too late, but you're wrong. It's never too late. Make a promise to yourself, and try to improve your quality of life rather than wallowing in your self-inflicted misery.

I'm working on it at my own damn pace. Don't rush me. Besides, I am happy. At least I was. Now I'm somewhat annoyed. I'm not going to get into specifics about it as I don't want to step on any toes but it should be made known that I have depression and sometimes I exaggerate. I'm using the word "sometimes" liberally as I unintentionally exaggerate all the time.

Like I tell people all the time or at least when I'm completely lucid I don't know what I'm saying half of the time and this is largely because I'm either unintentionally exaggerating my problems or I'm not completely lucid or in the right state of mind to actually be able to hold a conversation and not make an ass of myself.

I don't know how to explain it any better without diagnosing myself with something the doctors laugh at me for even bringing up the possibility of but needless to say something that happened in my childhood fucked me up mentally and as a result there are moments of time where I'm not certain if I'm really me. To sum it up take everything I say with a grain of salt if it is posted in General Discussion, especially if it is a rant of some kind, because nine times out of ten I don't know what I'm saying because I'm not completely lucid.

There's a reason why I identify with Clan Malkavian. This is it. There's also a reason why I identify with Clan Gangrel. I'm antisocial and introverted and nine times out of ten when I'm offline I want to be alone because I don't like being around most people. I mean I want to make friends but I haven't found the right opportunity, largely because they don't exist in my neck of the woods.

Even if I don't make friends though I'm okay with being alone because I have more fun by myself than I do with other people, especially when I have difficulties with remember what a person's face looks like. I've got some degree of propoagnosia thanks to my Asperger's and because of it I have even more difficulties connecting with people than just my inexperience or my past history. I can remember other things about a person's appearance but it's still hard connecting to people when you cannot even remember what they look like when they smile or frown.

That's kind of why I'm glad sometimes that I don't have very many people in my life because it just means I can work on strengthening existing bonds instead of worrying about fashioning new ones. I'm pretty certain I'll be fine even if I don't have a lot of friends. As long as I have someone to rely on I'll be fine. I can rely on my mother, my best friend and my doctors for the time being. That's more than enough for me.

in b4 someone calls this a rant. It's a god damn explanation that I'm making while I'm still lucid. I don't want to have to make it again.

[mastahcheese]

in b4 someone calls this a rant. It's a god damn explanation that I'm making while I'm still lucid. I don't want to have to make it again.

(I was about to make a comment about how you said that every thing you say in a rant should be taken with salt, but that would just be mean, and unnecessary.)

But really, I can sortof understand how you feel. I mean, I don't have Asperger's, but I understand the not liking people part and just wanting to be alone. I never got along with anyone I met, and if someone was ever nice, it was only because they wanted something from me, so I quickly grew to never trust people.

The first person I met who was actually nice to me was the girl I'm now married too. I never started conversations because for one, I never talked to girls, and had no idea of anything related to it. And two, my general hatred and distrust of people. But she would talk to me, and eventually we became best friends, and she was the only person I could trust, or enjoy being around.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that taking things at your own pace is good. Don't try to force anything, and don't try to be someone other than yourself, if they are interesting in getting to know you, then eventually they will try to do more than just wave, and you can handle it as it comes. Don't worry about looking like a jerk, if someone isn't capable of accepting your flaws, then what right do they have to your strengths? I know I'm not the best person in the world, I could give you a pretty massive list of things I despise about myself, but my wife doesn't see that in me, and if someone cares about you, then they won't see you as having flaws.

[Gentlefish]

Let me put it this way:

You have all the right in the world to do what you want.

I'm saying this as a genuine answer to the fact that you feel uncomfortable with what everyone said. Or some other not-good feeling. I've found I'm terrible with words. Like, at the worst moments.

You can do whatever you want. You want to stay inside? Do it. Have only a few friends? Awesome. I really only have peers that I talk to and then my girlfriend right now.  And she's nine hours away by drive. I wish I had a few friends.

I'd ask if you were aware when you're lucid but that just sounds stupid and also prying. So I'll just say instead that you're an awesome person because you're alive and life is magical and stuff and you should be able to appreciate it how you want. And I hope that you are able to appreciate life the way you want to some day. Everyone should.

tl;dr You're awesome cuz life is awesome and you should live how you want to because you're the way you are which isn't like anyone else and that's so cool it isn't even funny.

Also I feel you on the not recognizing faces. Literally everyone looks the same on TV no matter how long I watch a show. I can only really tell people apart by their hair style and color.

[mastahcheese]

Also I feel you on the not recognizing faces. Literally everyone looks the same on TV no matter how long I watch a show. I can only really tell people apart by their hair style and color.

Oh gosh, and voices.
At work, I hear customers over the intercoms, and literally it sounds like there are only 3 different people of each gender in this state, because all of the voices sound so frikkin' similar it's not even funny.

But yes, you said it in a very good way. And hit on a lot of stuff I had completely forgotten to cover.

[Parsely]

I'm sorry for being bold with you Malk, or if I'm uninformed of the entire situation, or completely stupid, but I've seen too many people who were amicable, funny, and smart behind closed doors destroy themselves with such self-depreciating talk, and it really is the mental picture of yourself, the way you consider yourself, that can help make you the person you want to be. I'm trying to encourage you mate.

mastahcheese is right. Some people are assholes, you see a lot of assholes walking around every day. But not everyone is a horrible person. For every godawful one there's a kind one, an understanding one, someone who gets it. If you see someone being an asshole, then hey-ho check the bastard off your list, but if someone tries to be nice to you, try being a bit open to them. If they can't accept you as you are, nothing lost, but if they're the nicest person you ever met? Look at all you've just gained. Look at what mastahcheese gained by letting that token person in. Hell, look at what I've gained (well, I've never exactly told any of you guys before but I like to keep my personal life to myself unless someone's really persistent). All you've got to do is give someone a chance.

You don't have to listen to anything I'm saying, you have that right, but just know that I believe in you. For all that it's worth, this person right here believes in you.

[MadMalkavian]

Thank you guys for understanding. I appreciate it.

[Gentlefish]

Absolutely. You seem to be a pretty awesome person. Just remember that there's a world of opportunities out there. Literally, and not in the figurative manner. I've often told myself that I can just pick up and move to somewhere else if it doesn't feel right where I am. And I can. It's just that it does feel right. And even if it didn't, it probably wouldn't be worth the hassle. But I could! Seattle would be a nice place to go.

on another note:

unless someone's really persistent).

Target acquired.   

[Parsely]

on another note:

unless someone's really persistent).

Target acquired.   

nurrrrrrrr D:

[RedKing]

Huh. Didn't even notice what day it was. I guess 12 years does make a difference.

[Neonivek]

I have a long day today... but unfortunately I havn't gotten much sleep at all...

Woke up with my body producing a lot of heat... What I SHOULD have done is cranked my AC to a low temperature and basked in some extra cold air... then turned it off.

[Jopax]

A mix of rage and WTF. And it's once again about Photoshop. It's acting up, but I can't figure out how or why.

Basically, every now and again. within say 15 minutes or so, the brush will act crazy, it'll either be biggest possible mark, regardless of how much I pressed it or it will leave small straight lines, regardless of how I moved it about. Now I can't figure out if it's the stylus, tablet or Photoshop, but my biggest bet is on PS since this is the first time I've had this kind of issue.

[Frumple]

Huh. Didn't even notice what day it was. I guess 12 years does make a difference.

... if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have noticed either

Though it did take a minute or two of going, "What?" to figure it out. Kinda' stopped considering the day significant, like. The year after.

[Furtuka]

Suddenly realized I'm getting a callus on my index finger from pencil holding

[Neonivek]

Ok fine here is a WTF for a lot of you

There is this game I really am interested in (point and click SOMEWHAT in the style of the Quest for Glory series... with mage characters) and I heard that they were intentionally delaying the game.

And I couldn't be happier!

[Gentlefish]

I woke up this morning suuper nauseous and crazy hot-feeling but my skin was cool to the touch by my own hands.

I'm feeling okay now but I'm worried it could be flu D:

Just checked my temperature, too. 97.8. A little low but that's normal for me. I had a week below 95.5 once.