Here's a tip, kids: Never learn enough about medicine to understand Wikipedia entries on what you have and what they're prescribing you to "fix" it.
Just DON'T.
Long story short: They think I have one of the kinds of bacterial infections that you usually get from overuse of antibiotics when you're in a hospital or nursing home. I haven't been on any antibiotics in months, nor have I been in a hospital or nursing home in months. Nor have any of my family. So that's the first WTF. Left untreated, it could kill me.
Better yet? The antibiotic they're prescribing (yes, I'm already aware of the irony of using an antibiotic to kill something that's mostly a problem because of antibiotics) "is listed by the US National Toxicology Program (NTP) as reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen". HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, WHAT? D:
Also, it rarely but occasionally causes
Stevens-Johnson syndrome, also known as "your fucking skin dies and falls off".
And it has been linked occasionally to serotonin syndrome, where your body rapidly builds up toxic levels of serotonin. Despite what you might think, no this does not mean you get an epic buzz and die super happy. Instead, symptoms include very high fever, rapid heartbeat, muscle twitching, agitation and "hyperactive bowel sounds".
GREAT. That's how I always wanted to go out: like an Ecstasy overdose but with way more farting.
Jesus...I know these are extremely rare complications, but still....
I much preferred it when medicine = "Take this magic pill and you'll be all better!" than "Roll d100: On 01-97, you steadily improve over 1d2 weeks. On 97, your skin falls off. On 98, you get cancer. On 99, you burst into flames. On 00, you do all three of the above
simultaneously."