And since this is the WTF thread, I think I will fully elaborate on the fortune 500 support job.
For about 7 months of last year, I worked for
NetApp. They are a fortune 500 company that sells high end datacenter grade storage solutions to other fortune 500 companies. They also have a FILTHY policy on how they do their hiring-- Namely, they do not hire direct, but instead "Contract to hire" through other agencies, like
Convergys. In order to get a "real job" there, you have to go through 2 years of hell working for one of those call center whores, being a call center whore. I was such a call center whore. In addition to Netapp's own policies, contractor sub-employees have the rules of their actual employer (whoever they were subcontracted through) imposes on top of those. That means not only do you have bosses on the side you are contracted to work for, you have bosses on the contractor side you have to appease too. So, not just one sticky ball of tape to deal with in terms of management, but TWO.
For now, let's focus on just Netapp's side. In order to give a customer are replacement part, UNDER WARRANTY, you have to go through the following process:
1) Prove that it is under warranty.
2) Prove that the part actually failed (EXHAUSTIVELY)
3) Create a PRE-APPROVAL template that contains at least 4 documented data sources indicating that actual failure occurred --AND WHEN-- but also that the data you collected INDICATES failure-- AND what other troubleshooting or remedial steps you have taken prior to requesting a replacement-- Then sending that to your Senior support Engineer level 2 (SSE2) for pre-approval, THEN send the SAME data to the ACTUAL hardware approver after filling out a hardware request template, which requires EVEN MORE things-- Then hope you dont get denied because the hardware approver (
is an idiot) thinks that you need to try (
some bullshit troubleshooting for clearly documented failures, like jiggling the power cable, when the PSU itself is reading that line voltage is OK, but that the supply's internal electronics have failed) Thinks you have not fully investigated the issue.
4) Hound the HW approver to stay on task, since you have literally 30 minutes after sending the approval form before it expires for them to review the request and approve or deny before you have to start at step 1 again, and the HW approvers are ALSO L2 and L3 support, and get calls!
5) Once you FINALLY get approved, then you have to fill out the hardware requisition and delivery templates, and hope that SAP does not crash when you update the servie ticket.
and of course--
6) You have to do all this WHILE ON THE PHONE WITH THE CLIENT, WITHOUT TELLING THEM ABOUT THE PROCESS.
Because heaven forbid that somebody ACTUALLY GET a replacement power supply when it literally expels smoke.
And yes-- that is an ACTUAL case I worked.
Oh, yes-- Did I mention that you have several managers and corporate executives who think it is lots of fun to just eavesdrop on calls to see how the poor support reps are handling these fucktastic balls of red tape, and are ever so eager to fire you?
And the best part--
After you successfully resolve a support case, you get at most, 4 minutes to button it up before you MUST take another call-- and that Fortune 500 companies expect you to figuratively lick their shit encrusted assholes? (and that the previously mentioned eavesdropping corporate overlords expect you to do so, without violating process?)
Also, during this time, you are expected to be working other cases simultaneously that have been sent to you via the automated dispatch system, so you are getting bombarded with literally 300 emails a day, ALL OF WHICH YOU MUST READ, AND ACTIVELY RESPOND TO.
You are also expected to sit and monitor an internal IRC session in case somebody needs your personal field of expertise for a consult on how to resolve their case, or in case a priority 1 case comes up that needs instant resolution. (Of course, without violating process mind.)
Did I mention that the templates change week to week, because management cant decide on standard forms?
Oh-- and the guy on the other end of your support call is probably in India, and does not know a %$#%ing thing about how the storage controller works, and expects you to administer it for him remotely, even though that is something IS NEVER, EVER, EVER, DONE. (Basically, he wants you to do his job for him, as he struggles to handle a PuTTY session.)-- because the Fortune 500 company who owns the datacenter is too cheap to hire people that are both local and competent. (YES! That's right! The guy in India is REMOTE ADMINSTERING the storage controllers, that are physically located in a data center half the world away, so even if you WANTED to have him jiggle a power cable, HE PHYSICALLY CANNOT.)
(No, for real, one case had a datacenter that was literally READY TO CATCH ON FIRE, because more than half the cooling units in their disk shelves had failed, and THEY WERE IGNORING IT. Many shelves were completely without a functional cooling unit, and were only being passively cooled through direct contact with adjacent shelves in the rack, who were functioning on only one of the spec'd 2 cooling units each. Oh, and ambient temperature sensors showed that the ambient temperature in the datacenter was over 80F. WAAAY out of expected tolerances. That's the level of incompetence I am talking about. They had been ingoring this problem FOR TWO YEARS. I had to go through the above red tape process for FIFTY, yes, "50" PSUs for their datacenter to make it healthy again, fully documenting the failures of EACH AND EVERY ONE.)
So yeah-- After my stint there, I was ready to murderfuck the people around me, and my loathing of corporate america has only deepened to an almost black shade of sanguine hue.
And of course, to get a job doing ANYTHING over on the Netapp side, you have to deal with that clusterfuck for 2 solid years, before you are even ELIGIBLE, due to the hiring/contracting agreements they make with their hiring firms.
I had to quit before I went all unibomber or something.
The local nursing home? Sure, there's some days where every resident seems to need to poop at exactly the same moment, but it's a cakewalk in comparison.