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[Flying Dice]

semi-bottled up emotions causing a spontaneous breakdown of your mental emotional barriers?

I'm kind of dubious about bottled up emotions being an actual thing that cause problems. Emotions aren't like a liquid or a gas in that they can build up, they're there and then they're gone. Being sad a week ago isn't going to affect your feelings now, unless you're thinking about past sadness, or if the cause of the sadness is still around.

But what if you're the sort of person who continually returns to memories of every little stupid mistake you've made, every insult you've ignored, and every opportunity you miss. And you feel the rage and sadness every fucking day because your brain doesn't know when to take a hint and stop reviewing stuff you'd rather forget. I can't imagine what my life would end up like if I was ever (directly or indirectly) responsible for someone's death; I'd probably end up driving myself to the point where I would be in a constant war between the desire to suicide and the moral obligation to stay alive.

So yes, what you said could be true for someone with no emotional depth the ability to completely ignore bad memories.

[Mr Space Cat]

why?
just why?

Hell yeah, Scandinavia would be number one! I'd expect some feat of badassery like that from the homelands of the Vikings.

Now I need to move there sometime... unless it's mostly the screaming metal. Then I'll just stick with Texas.

Dude, in those red (high metalicity) countries, your parents might actually name you Gottfrid Svartholm Warg, and not mean it as a joke.

I actually like Scandinavian names. Better than christening your firstborn child as "John Doe" to fit in with "John Smith" and "John John" the neighbors' children like here in Americuh.

[Neonivek]

That map MUST be made up. There are so many locations where that information would be impossible to find out.

[Jervill]

Speaking of Scandinavian names, I finally figured out what my surname means.  It is a horribly mangled anglicized version of a Norwegian name that makes my name combined with my first name completely badass.  The problem is, I don't want to share it over the internet in such an obvious place.

[Flying Dice]

I actually like Scandinavian names. Better than christening your firstborn child as "John Doe" to fit in with "John Smith" and "John John" the neighbors' children like here in Americuh.

I think you mean 'Jayden Doe'. Or perhaps 'Ayden Doe'. Actually that second one would be handy; a greeting and a name in one package.

[Graknorke]

But what if you're the sort of person who continually returns to memories of every little stupid mistake you've made, every insult you've ignored, and every opportunity you miss. And you feel the rage and sadness every fucking day because your brain doesn't know when to take a hint and stop reviewing stuff you'd rather forget. I can't imagine what my life would end up like if I was ever (directly or indirectly) responsible for someone's death; I'd probably end up driving myself to the point where I would be in a constant war between the desire to suicide and the moral obligation to stay alive.

So yes, what you said could be true for someone with no emotional depth[/i] the ability to completely ignore bad memories.

I dwell on past things I've done badly all of the time. It just doesn't really affect me so bad. I hate about 1/2 of the decisions I've ever made, and I'm always thinking how I could have done those better or just not done at all (slightly worryingly, sometimes to the point of speaking to myself what I know I should have said then. In public too), but it's not like a big emotional deal or anything. The thing I do is mostly to rationalise everything as having been a past version of myself, so it's not fair to blame either me or them for what they did.
And anything I can't rationalise I just completely ignore/cover up with fake-real flippant disregard.

I'm not sure if you noticed, but responsibility isn't one of my strong points.

[Flying Dice]

See, I can still remember an incident when I was in preschool, all of three years old, and some other kid laughed and said that I didn't know how to read because I didn't read aloud. Note that this was a particular point of pride for me, because I was even more of a bookworm as a child. I was reading things like the Hardy Boys books when I was preschool age (actually, I think I still have a few dozen of them in a box in the attic...), and I had a much shorter fuse back then. But I just stared at the kid, didn't say anything, didn't even laugh in his face.


My mind still reminds me of that on occasion with the typical, "What the fuck were you thinking? Why didn't you respond?" I was three damned years old and my brain won't let me forget about it and move on. -___-

[kaijyuu]

Some things are so stupid that stunned silence is the proper response.

[Putnam]

brain: 'hey, remember that thing you did 5 years ago that was embarrasing?'

thankfully i don't

[Neonivek]

George Orwell would say Flying Dice that the reason this happened is because you didn't know the words and the history of the past and the future of the present was conspiring against you for the status quo

[Sirus]

I understand, FD. I got in trouble once as a kid because I was more used to reading in my head instead of out-loud. Even when told to read out-loud, my voice would fade away because I could read faster silently

Some things are so stupid that stunned silence is the proper response.

THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

[kaijyuu]

I still remember an incident in high school where I made a terrible joke and was the only one laughing at it. That awkward 3 second silence after I stopped giggling... D:

Oh, I also cried in front of the class in 4th grade because I didn't get the right color of binder from the teacher. Back then nothing embarrassed me, but those years taught me to fear my peer's judgement of me, so it became embarrassing later.

[Sirus]

I still remember a time when I accidentally made a girl cry. This was something near 12 years ago, mind D:

[Flying Dice]

The nice part is that I remember particularly satisfying or amusing memories just as well. Shame there aren't more of them.


Like the time in fourth grade where some kid had been bugging me for hours. Keep in mind that by this time my reputation as a doormat had been well and truly established. I had taken my temper firmly in hand and decided to take the high road. This kid, he just didn't let up. So I ended up going off on him so loudly that he ran out into the hallway and hid. The teacher automatically assumed that I had been provoked, because I was normally so quiet and polite.

Again, completely and utterly petty, but still one of my favorite memories.

But most of them are of me being socially awkward or not responding to physical attacks. Or that stupid fucking thing where kids (and too many adults) think that not having reflexes makes you "manly".

[Graknorke]

Aah, I still remember getting told that I'd gotten into some special scheme in my primary school, I was pretty damn pleased, I was then skipping (why, past me? Why?) through the room, tripped over a chair leg, landed flat on my face, and then a chair that was on a table nearby fell off aftr I hit the table with my arm. Just as I was about to get up too. So I ended up falling flat on my face with a chair slammed into the back of my head.

It's great now because I can remember it as it it wasn't even me (well, technically it wasn't. The guy who did that is totally different from the one typing this message. He was all happy and pleased and things, instead of putting on the obligatory poker mask.), so it's like watching other people get hurt, but from a first person perspective.