Got chewed out for not doing most (or all) of the household chores because I a) work from home b) have lulls of downtime while automation runs where I'm not specifically working c) she does all of the clerical work for home/critters (and generally doesn't pass these tasks off to me because we have similar control issues)(or I don't have the login credentials to, say, cancel a subscription, seriously) and d) she's not yet accustomed to an eight-hour workday.
Yeah, I've got the capacity, I suppose, but not necessarily the willpower to do it all on my own? Especially when my workday actually requires my full attention or focus. It's a little unfair to be the househusband (metaphorically) when I also have a full-time job. I also got chewed out for not looking at/adoring her more, which a) fair, I could do more, but b) she's almost always asking me to do some task for her or asking for my attention while I'm actually working and I can't be doting while I'm doing or c) it's a little hard to be physically close with a pitbull physically between us.
Also got chewed out for always having my nose buried in a screen (this is true and hurts me as much as it hurts her) including when we're trying to spend quality time like watching TV in bed (which she did not inform me needed to or was supposed to be quality time).
I make dinner all week and run the house while she's down with the covid vaccine/migraines/etc and the one day I have anxiety bad enough to keep me from going into Walmart, I get torn into because she took on a bunch of chores without asking for my help(which she admitted she took on because she had enough work to do at work that she couldn't focus on any one thing), told me that I wouldn't have done them on my own anyways, and that I need to do more and appreciate more.
She admitted some of it was irrational, but she still felt that way. I think there's some resentment because I can get away with doing other leisure activities during work and there's lots of chores to do all the time and because i'm doing leisure activities and not chores, I'm not providing enough.
Just... Kind of venting. Not really looking for advice. The solution is to do more of the chores and much of it will settle since the new dogs are settling and the moving is settling (and it's really difficult to dote on a partner when you've got chores like moving and new dog things consuming all day), but I was frustrated because she was asking me to do all kinds of tasks all the time and I felt she wasn't doing enough and she felt like she was doing all kinds of tasks all the time and I wasn't doing enough.
The petty part of me is pissed that I get asked to do things like put things away or hand her stuff because she doesn't want to get up and walk across the room to do it some 10-20 times a day, but I lack initiative to have all of the other tasks handled on my own, and I can't say no to tasks like that because I never say no to tasks like that and so doing so seems petty and offensive and is Not Funny At All even when it is petty. Also, there's usually a reason she won't do something when I ask for a favor (and I don't ask much, another problem, since I'm problematic about not relying on other people), so it's not usually worth the effort of asking. She also generalizes 'over there' or 'that thing' or 'she said he'll be by today' without context and I'm left guessing what the context is and then she gets irritated that I'm irritated that I don't know what she's talking about and she says I'd only know if I looked at her more often, which I can't really do because I'm either a) working b) driving the car for both of us or c) doing tasks she asked me to do. Shit, hon, it's hard to see the homeless guy with the light-up flowers when I'm looking for oncoming traffic during a turn, and I can't tell a goddamn thing about which way I'm supposed to turn if you're communicating directions by physically gesturing from in front of you in the passenger seat!
And the two times I've brought up grievances where I've felt quite hurt (like she's being antagonistic or needling me or demeaning me), she's gotten upset and retorted like 'if you feel this way, why are you dating me? If I'm just your antagonist, why are you still with me?' and that seems super overblown when I'm trying to indicate that I am hurt and isn't how you solve problems, but here we are.
Fuck, I had a lot to uncork. Sorry.
TL;DR relationships are hard and I need therapy.
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Topic: Things that made you go "WTF?" today o_O (Read 14569589 times)