I was suffering from anxiety yesterday, so I was feeling really anxious, but I also had a social situation which I absolutely had to sit through, there was no way around it. Everything turned out alright, but I was still anxious afterwards.
Thinking on it, I realize now the handicap that the anxiety gives me. It's not just that it's making me uncomfortable and stressed, but also that it is locking my emotional state in place for a while. It really does seem to be the case that nothing I do can relieve this anxiety except for time, so I have to endure it for that length of time. During that stretch of time, because my emotional state is locked in place, I can't rely on that portion of my brain for guidance, so I have to outsource everything my emotions would do to the intellectual portion of my brain.
I had talked before about my "Flow chart" where every social situation is dictated logically by the flowchart, which works because the flowchart is made by years of trial and error, and it has a pretty rough idea of how avoid social faux pas and social problems. The flow chart is not actually good at interacting however, just at avoiding social trouble, and when the purpose is to interact meaningfully with people, the flowchart is terrible. Anxiety is forcing me to use the flowchart because I can't trust my emotions, so I have to try to deduce my way through the social encounter, making me much more rigid, stilted, and awkward than I really want to be. I want to tear myself away from that intellectuality, because it just isn't doing me any good, but having random anxiety seems to be the next hurdle to overcome towards becoming a normal person.