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[Vector]

A girl said she used to have a crush on me. When I told her I had a crush on her since I knew her basically. But she doesn't now. Why?

always more fish in the sea

[Rose]

Yup. Go browse tinder or something rather than worrying.

[MrRoboto75]

A girl said she used to have a crush on me. When I told her I had a crush on her since I knew her basically. But she doesn't now. Why?

always more fish in the sea

And a fuckton of plastic, apparently.

[Iduno]

https://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=285

[heydude6]

A girl said she used to have a crush on me. When I told her I had a crush on her since I knew her basically. But she doesn't now. Why?

(rhetorical question)

It’s not the biggest surprise, there’s all sorts of possible reasons why. Maybe she got into a relationship with someone else, maybe she grew and changed as a person and the qualities she looked for in a person changed with her, maybe you changed, maybe the original crush was vapid and based on some idealized version of you and she eventually realized that, maybe she’s grown tired of hot flings and wants someone for the long term.

Unrequited crushes don’t usually last. Not if the crusher is still growing as a person. As you meet more people and have relationships with them (not necessarily romantic ones), you’re going to develop a more refined opinion on what you want from a significant other, and you’ll look back on your previous obsessions and wonder how you could have possibly fallen for them.

It’s just life. Sure you may have missed out on a potential relationship, but at best it would have only lasted until they grew as a person and their needs became too complex for you. It’s the past now. And just because they had an inkling of feelings, doesn’t necessarily mean there was a meaningful way you could have acted on them.

[bloop_bleep]

A girl said she used to have a crush on me. When I told her I had a crush on her since I knew her basically. But she doesn't now. Why?

always more fish in the sea

People say that, but like. She's literally pretty much the only girl I've ever actually liked. And that she also used to have a crush on me when I had a crush on her is just stupid and annoying.

Plus the whole thing talking about how there are plenty of choices and how it's all practically interchangeable doesn't jive with me. It seems so stupid and banal to me in that case. I don't like the idea of settling. There could be an amazing potential partner, and you could say a few wrong words and it doesn't work out. And then everything afterwards seems just idiotic, like you couldn't be bothered to actually get the right thing so you just half-ass it. Like every positive thing gets suffixed with "but it could've been better".  I probably won't get Tinder or anything like that for that reason. It just feels banal and methodical. Like you're trying to land an interview for a job with the right pay and hours or pick out the best value available coffee machine or something like that. "Ooh this one has more features! But that one is lower maintenance!" And it's not just with romance that it feels that way either.

Plus I feel like this feeling might interfere in the future with dating people who've had boyfriends before. Or people who are not dating exclusively.

I've honestly considered just being celibate instead of dealing with this crap and feelings.

https://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=285

This is funny though, thank you.

edit: she's not dating anyone and it's been just 2 years that I've known her... and we're in high school so life considerations like wanting to settle down weren't immediately a factor anyway... I wanted a long-term relationship myself and not a "fling" because I honestly recoil at the idea of those. .

[MrRoboto75]

People say that, but like. She's literally pretty much the only girl I've ever actually liked.

The only girl you ever liked so far.

[MrRoboto75]

^ I'm about 90% certain an online dating service will never work for me.

[Frumple]

So you're saying you just need a 19 or higher on the d20.

Pretty sure folks here have played enough X-Com or Fire Emblem to know how reliable a 90% chance to hit isn't :V

[MrRoboto75]

So you're saying you just need a 19 or higher on the d20.

Pretty sure folks here have played enough X-Com or Fire Emblem to know how reliable a 90% chance to hit isn't :V

To put into perspective, after I quit/refunded the service I was on they gave me an exit survey to fill out, more-or-less involving why I decided to leave.  I chose the preset choice, I got less matches than I expected.  Which was absolutely true, I got zero matches, and that less than I expected.  If I wanted to do nothing for a monthly cost, I'd get a gym membership.

Either way people on the spectrum don't get mates, so why waste effort on something that won't happen.  Especially when we can't go outside anyway.

[bloop_bleep]

No I'm not acting sourly toward her, we're still friends, but privately I'm a bit frustrated...

[Vector]

Trouble is, the person she was when she had a crush on you is not the person she is now, and she's perfectly justified in feeling however she feels about it. Understandably, you're perfectly justified in being frustrated by that, but that is the sort of thing you'll want to handle gracefully lest you send the friendship into a tailspin, as you are not justified in behaving sourly towards her for not reciprocating previously unmentioned feelings.

This is a GOAT poast


Having been in high school before, I still remember how it feels. It really hurts. Not just that, but every year that goes by feels like it takes forever, and having a crush on a person for two years feels like a lifetime. I mean, that's literally half of high school, or more than half of middle school.

I'm not trying to say "they're interchangeable," because they're not, thank G-d, but there are more people you're compatible with than you think. By age 30, this becomes painfully obvious. Honestly, by age 17, it became painfully obvious for me. 14-15 were extremely bad years though, wasted on a guy who has grown up to be one of Those Radical Vegans, gosh I dodged a bullet, and a girl who grew up to be power-hungry and snotty to anyone without money or education, gracious I coulda died twice.

High school is like . . . a diner where there's three things on the menu. You find out the thing you like and you probably stick with that. You want that thing in particular. Post-college is like, well, could be like you're in a city with a nice restaurant district and it turns out that there are 20 restaurants that prepare the one thing you like in 20 different ways, plus all the restaurants that don't even HAVE your favorite thing on the menu but, ooh, I guess catfish is good too once you give it a try.

I'm sorry you're bummed. You're too young for Tinder. Write some poetry, hang with your friends, and do your HW!

... in other wtfry, what exactly is it with dukes and regency fiction/smut? Because they seem to be without any doubt the most prolific title dropped nobility for historical romance, seemingly by like a long shot, and I'm just wondering. Why? Is it just because its similarity with a different four letter D word or is there something else going on there?

Pre-Victorian; smut possible, no machine guns

Post-Renaissance; it can be about something other than the Catholic church

Mid-colonial: Lots of people whose entire job is to be rich on "exotic" resources and wear faboo skirts

[Maximum Spin]

I think a thing that's being overly minimised, though, is that (regardless of the fact that people have the right to have whatever feelings they have) saying "I used to have a crush on you, but I don't anymore" (or anything that conveys substantially the same sentiment) is such a dick move. I think it's entirely justifiable to be modestly angry that somebody would go out of her way to tell you such fundamentally unactionable information, the only possible purpose of which is to make you feel bad. I'm more or less completely missing the ability to lie to protect someone's feelings, but I still know enough to keep that sort of thing to myself.

I don't think you should assume that she told you this explicitly to make you feel bad - there are people like that, but it's kind of a social norm to assume good faith - but it was incredibly thoughtless.

[Vector]

That's a very good point. I actually hadn't thought about it like that.

(Before anyone says anything, I've actually been in those literal shoes and been on the receiving end of that conversation. I just really didn't take it that way at the time, probably because my self-esteem was too poor to get mad).

[Loud Whispers]

I think he'd rather get laid landed.

Baron gang passing through this thread