I wonder sometimes if I might just be some variety of asexual (not outright asexual, but grey asexual). I've previously mentioned my lowering libido, and while it's definitely quite low right now (as if it's not low enough), that's not the thing that's making me question myself.
Let's put it this way; my friends are generally much hornier than I am. And at this point, it's tiring me out. I get it, that desire is natural, but goddamn, why the fuck do these people want relationships (of the romantic-sexual kind; I don't think they have the ability to separate those two) so damn much?! Why does it seem like it's their end goal in life?! Why does it matter so much?! Some of them even sound like they've been reading Freud a bit too much!
I don't get it. Like, sure, I have some desire for sexual relationships, I do indeed wish to have sex, but that's not my life's goal. If anything, it's very far down my to-do list. Sex is the least of my concern. I'm only bringing it up because I'm used to feeling that sex is at least vaguely desirable, if not something I should chase.
Maybe it's because I'm not quite sure what to do with my genitals, since I wish to decouple my biological sex from my gender (for reference, it's "No."), which is a difficult preposition in itself. The whole topic is a bit uncomfortable for me. Notice my unwillingness to state "dick" or "vagina" post(-social-)-transition, instead going for "genitals"; that's quite reflective of it.
Either way, my attitude towards sex is getting closer and closer to total apathy, and I'm wondering what the hell is going on with me. I'm a bit distressed, honestly. Can't tell if it's my enbyness or it's just the sheer horniness of everyone around me that's making me realize that.