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[Rolan7]

Almost everyone internalizes gender stereotypes into their self-identity, because that's how we're brought up in all but the rarest of cases.  Ideas which clash with our assigned genders provoke automatic, trained responses.  Even after the most well-meaning gendered upbringings.

That works fine for most people, which is great!  Others find it deeply uncomfortable, and can't shake a feeling that they don't quite fit in that framing they've been assigned.

Everyone feels like themselves to some extent, but society's perceptions can be an ill fit to that internal truth.  Particularly when people are expected to fit into discrete "ideal" boxes, gender just being one example.

I don't subscribe to those gender boxes.  The easiest shorthand for that is calling myself "nonbinary".

[Dunamisdeos]

Oh gosh.  The important thing is that you're thinking about it, and hopefully writing it out helps you sort and understand your feelings.  That's how it was for me.  There was a lot of baggage I felt too, but it was a while before I felt comfortable even asking questions about it.

The last thing I want is to guide you in any direction, I just wish you well in your search for identity.

Yeah it could mean something, or mean nothing. What's important is that you have the freedom to think, and decide, and learn, and all of that in your own time. We all support you.

I don't really confirm that much to cultural male norms, but I do consider myself male. It's sort of a non-issue for me. I'm just duna, not "duna the male". Only you can decide who you are or want to be. Go for it.

[Iduno]

I'm feeling... conflicted. And confused.

The reason being that a stray thought led me to think a lot about gender lately. Specifically: my own.

Because the more I think about it, the more I feel like gender, or at least the binary two that dominate our societies, does not apply to me. If that makes sense. In other words, whenever I think about what I am I don't think "I am a <gender>", I just think "I am me". Which I guess would make me some sort of... nonbinary?

And then I look back at how I viewed my self-image through the years, about how I always tended to go for somewhat androgynous looks in games (when I'm not trying to make a character some specific type of goofy nonsense) that allow for character customization, about how I planned (and still do, really) to buy clothes that were more gender-neutral (which depended on getting a job, which was derailed by the pandemic). And about how actually giddy I get when thinking of myself as a "they" rather than a "he" or being... I dunno how to call it... less manly and "straight" in my behaviour, not having to police myself all the damn time.

And yet, at the same time, I worry a lot that I may be getting anxious about simply not being "masculine enough" or if this anxiety is born from my depression, or... argh.

Damn this was rambling and meandering and hard to type, but had to say it somewhere and get some feedback, even if it's from random (if friendly) folk on the internet.

Gods, the angst is real and clicking "post" did nothing to aid my anxiety over this.


As for why the WTF thread of all places to post this: I might as well be the incarnation of confusion right now, and this thread is a nice (and weird) place that I feel comfortable in.

Start with:
Male
Female
Both
Neither
Varies

Look, we're random people from the internet. Most of us don't care which one(s) you pick, because we'll never meet you. We may be able to help you figure out what's going on past that, though.

[pisskop]

Ill pick V Aries though.

I am very Aries

[Eschar]

((clarified things that probably didn't need clarification, meh))

[hector13]

No matter what, you’ll still be Deathsword to us.

[pisskop]

Death Sword
or
Deaths Word

[Teneb]

Thanks for the answers and support.

Look, we're random people from the internet. Most of us don't care which one(s) you pick, because we'll never meet you. We may be able to help you figure out what's going on past that, though.

Yeah, it's pretty much why I posted here.

Because the more I think about it, the more I feel like gender, or at least the binary two that dominate our societies, does not apply to me. If that makes sense. In other words, whenever I think about what I am I don't think "I am a <gender>", I just think "I am me".

For what it's worth, I don't think anyone goes around feeling like they are a gender. We just feel like us.

I guess I expressed myself poorly. What I meant to say is that I've come to see myself as sort of... neutral. Or, in the words of Idunno:

Neither

That sounds like you are an asexual men more than anything. Are you atracted to woman and/or men? Dont have to answer, just for you to think about it. How old are you? Also dont need to answer. Identity crisis arent all that uncommon you know and some ages or points in life can trigger them under certain stress, and all the shit is going on doesnt help either. Lots of people rigth now found themselves with more time to think about things, which isnt bad at all.

Who I am, what I am? Those are pretty large answers most people spend their lives trying to figure out, hell some even dont try to find out.

You're kind of operating on an erroneous premise here. I am unsure about my gender, not my sexuality (I'm bisexual).

But the more I think about it, the more comfortable I am being a they, I guess. Functionally, nothing will really change aside that I am a bit more comfortable with myself and have another reason to be anxious about bigotry in the dreaded Physical World.

No matter what, you’ll still be Deathsword to us.

Awww someone remembers my edgy teenager username.

Deaths Word

Pretty sure that might be someone else who stopped posting here a long time ago.

[pisskop]

Im sorry, you guys are being serious and im being a bit of an ass

[Rose]

[snip]

Hello friend! Welcome to the enbie crew!

We have cupcakes!

Also bitchin' flag colors.

[Egan_BW]

Those are some nice colors. Maybe I should consider joining.

[Eschar]

I've always (as in since like three months ago, when I first saw it) thought the ace flag looks pretty cool too. Plus people put it in a spades symbol for extra punnage.

[Rose]

Took me years to realize my gender wasn't what I thought it was, and I'm still figuring it out.

What I'm very sure about is my body, and how I'd prefer it to be shaped.

[bloop_bleep]

Coming from a self-unambiguous male, so take this with a grain of salt if need be, but I don't think you need to worry too much about what exactly to call yourself. Like others said, nobody goes around thinking "I am <gender>. I am <gender>." constantly. Just be you and do you. There doesn't need to be a label. I call people "they" all the time anyway (or at least, I try to), it seems to be a completely gender-agnostic pronoun, so you could adopt it as such.

[Rose]

Yeah, for me it's weird. How I feel about the whole deal tends to vary.

Most of the times it's just potato, but sometimes I feel like the baddest bitch, and sometimes I feel like a pretty cool dude, and hell if I know why.