People are fuckin' shite, including and a-specially in the dating scene.
Who'da known, eh?
So, I'd like to comment a little bit more on this.
I've been trying to "put myself back on the market", in a manner of speaking, and with social settings and norms in Norway being what they are, that basically means going to a bar. So I've been going to bars, trying to work out which bars are actually appropriate/functional for this sort of thing (and not the kind where a bunch of non-single people get together to have two beers and play a huge game of Cards Against Humanity, as will be the case at my usual watering hole later on today).
A few weeks ago, I met a gal in one such bar (the one independently confirmed by two sources as being "where it happens") and we started talking. As tends to be the case with me, the chat got rather deep and rather bluntly honest in short order, but she was happily keeping step all the way. I talked about some of my tragicomedic experiences at the hands of various people I've befriended and dated, she talked about her struggles with anorexia and depression, we got along and flirted heavily. But she made it clear that she was going to meet a friend after, so eventually the night would have to end before things got anywhere in particular. I said that was fine.
The friend was apparently delayed, she tried texting him, then suddenly she turned around and managed to catch him walking past her to the restrooms. What a coincidence!
(Wait, coincidence? Hadn't you agreed to meet him? Didn't you just text him? What part of this is a coincidence?)
So he was sitting outside with a couple buddies, and obviously this is the part where she goes her way and I go mine. Except she invited me along to sit with everyone. So I did.
The night carried on, I made a couple water runs for her, chat with her friends-of-friend, everything's honestly a bit awkward but we're all too drunk to really care by that point. Eventually the bar we were at started closing up, and the two friends-of-friend decided to call it a night. Apparently not yet satisfied, the gal asked her friend and me about other places we could go, and we all packed up and headed over to another pub that tends to keep its doors open a little longer than some of the other establishments (there are still state-defined closing times that everyone must abide by, but some bars push closer to that limit than others).
We settled in, I asked her if she wanted anything, then I went over to the bar to get the drinks and exchange a couple lines of banter with the bartender who happens to be a friend of mine. Not wanting to keep people waiting, I broke the chat off and went back to the table we were all sitting at... Which was when I walked straight into a scene where the gal had her hand deep behind enemy lines in her "friend"'s crotch. Things get very awkward and he excuses himself to go to the restroom.
I figure "Welp. Okay. Guess I misread things again and thought I had a chance where I didn't. Ah well, happens.", and feel a little bad, but it's a familiar kind of bad and honestly something I'd been preparing for before I even headed out that night.
But then she asked me what I was thinking about, and to be honest (a theme that had come up multiple times before that night; she'd mentioned a strong appreciation for my openness and honesty). I just said that I'd apparently mislead myself again, so was a bit bummed and irritated about that. She started gushing about how "It didn't mean anything" and "Sometimes people do things they don't mean when they're drunk", and I just told her not to sweat it, it's fine, and that it's nothing I wasn't used to.
Which, of course, got her really offended, because that of course meant I was comparing her to the women that I've previously met and been walked on by. So I had to spend some time laying myself right out and deeply apologizing to
her for getting upset by
her trying to polish some dude's family jewels in front of me after we'd spent the whole evening getting heavy into expressions of interest (hey, after all... Sometimes people do things they don't mean when they're drunk. Like apologize for things that they shouldn't). The night soon drew to a legal close, I had to go home, she left with her friend after several big and tearful hugs where she insisted that the crotchsnatch had no deeper meaning, that she really wanted to have me be a part of her life, and that she really really wanted to meet up for a coffee some time when I got back from Poland.
After that I had my trip to Poland, came back, sent her a message asking how things were going and if she'd like to take that coffee sometime soon. She explained that she really did, but that it was gonna be difficult to find a good time because that weekend she was going off to visit family, and then later on in the week she'd be driving to Sweden with a buddy (she wasn't sure what day it'd end up being). Time went on, we had a few more little chat snippets here and there, no further mention of either coffee date or Sweden trip, then she left a mid-conversation "How are things with you?" on read for over a week. I figured that was the last I was gonna hear from her, chalked it up as another one in the bucket.
Then when I was out on the town last weekend, I out-of-fucking-nowhere get a message from her asking "Hey what's up?". I said I was out on the town. She asked where, and I'd had a couple drinks by that point so that famous honesty and openness came out to play... "Hmm... I've half a mind to just blow you off, considering how I've been treated lately, but I'm a gullible fucker who's willing to believe you haven't just worked your way down the list far enough to hit my name. I'm at [pub name]"
She asked if it was okay if she showed up, I said by all means. She got there, we exchanged a couple minor pleasantries, then she asked what I meant with that comment. I said "Well, there's how things ended last time, then there's leaving me on 'read' for a week with zero explanation or acknowledgement. Which, by the way, was at a time when we were supposed to meet up for that coffee you wanted so badly".
Now, she got a bit defensive being met with all that, which was fine and understandable, and certainly not unexpected. What I
didn't expect was what she said in response.
"Oh my god, you are really overthinking this- like seriously, that's just waaay overthinking it."
"Is that something you tend to have a problem with? Do you overthink things a lot? I didn't respond because I'm just a really distracted person, nothing more than that. Don't overthink it."
"Is that why you've had problems with women in the past? Because you overthink things so much?"Um. Fucking
excuse me? I had the riot act read to me by a gal I was dating because I accidentally referred to her bipolar disorder as "bipolar
syndrome", which unleashed a venomous flood of biblical proportions because
I was calling her retarded (for anyone else who didn't immediately understand that, here's what that chick's reasoning turned out to be: "X" syndrome == Downs syndrome == "Retarded". She eventually gave up trying to work things out with me, because she found out I wore t-shirts and was therefore an asshole), and that's my fault because I overthink things?
Somehow we managed to keep talking after that. Eventually we agreed to start things over from scratch, and try again. At which point, she immediately started inserting us into every group of guys sitting at that bar (which was fucking hilarious, because the very first batch of strapping young lads we found ourselves sitting with happened to be a couple lovely gay dudes who were far more interested in talking with me than with her), and that's basically just how the night continued, with us man-hopping from place to place while she got people to buy her drinks because she was, like, uber-poor right now.
And then much later, once she'd gotten drunk enough to start talking to me again, she again commented just how important it is -both functionally and morally- to be open and honest. So she was going to be open and honest with me, and she hoped I would be able to appreciate the openness and honesty she was exercising. Because you see, being fully open and honest here, she was dating someone. She hoped I understood.
Uh. Well, clearly I understand it better than you do, if you only decided to tell me this
now of all times... Good openness and honesty there, sugar.
I eventually went home because I felt more than drunk enough and more than tired enough. Left her to talk with the latest group of Y-chromes she'd latched onto, bid everyone a good night.
And that's how I get to know new and exciting people!
trepanitation? Holes in the head?
Trepanation.
Trepidation.
Author
Topic: Things that made you go "WTF?" today o_O (Read 14968415 times)