For dogs that dont want to learn the rules, sometimes crate training helps. You pen them in a dog carrier, too small for them to really move around, but big enough they can lie down comfortably, whenever youre gone. When you get home, let them outside immediately, dont give them the chance to run around the house. They almost never potty in their crate becahse its so small, so theyre forced to hold it, and then the only chance they get is to go outside. After weeks of only going outside, it hopefully becomes a habit and they shouldnt have trouble staying inside, out of their crate. If they still shit on the rug, rub their noses in it, tell them theyre bad, refuse to love them for a few hours, and repeat crate training again.
And if it doesnt work the second time, they can sleep in the crate every night and whenever youre gone. Our pitbull juwt absolutely cannot be left unattended or she will shit on the floor and destroy things, so she sleeps in her crate for now. In the summer, we have a nice big fenced in yard they cant escape from so they can all roam around outside, which they obviously prefer, but the pitbulls just dont have enouth fur to stay out during the winter. I could probably leave the other two fuzzy ones out without a problem but they rarely get into anything besides food we leave out, so theyre fine inside on their own.
[Edit]
Current shower thoughts; celery on its own is pretty tasteless and nutritionally mediocre, so its really just crunchy water.