It might just be a little bit, but that tiny bit of spicy makes everything better.
It really does. I run out of cayenne flakes almost as often as I run out of black pepper. It's just one of those go-to spices for all manner of dishes.
How do you live with such rampant blandness
Immigrants. They come into this country, bringing their strange and bizarre culture involving spices and actual vegetables, setting up specialist grocery stores to tend to the needs of the Forner xenoedit population.
Also setting up fusion restaurants that don't really serve anything and aren't even related to the country of the people working there, but are considered authentic because the staff are brown. Most of the poor bastards are so traumatized by Norwegian tastes that you need to go through a whole nudge-wink routine to get the good stuff.
Yes, I actually want it to be spicy. Yes, I know what a lentil is. Yes, I know what part of the cow that's from, and I'm fine with it. Please no ranch dressing.
For comparison, my full-blooded Norwegian grandmother cannot eat raw onion, because it is too spicy.
Norwegians, eh?
In a country like England, with a fairly multicultural cuisine (properish curries, spicy kebabs etc being most of the fast food), you really want to watch out for authentic foreign cooking.
I first learnt the distinction between UK-hot and foreign-hot when wandering into a well-reviewed place in Chinatown, seemingly like the places all around it, and following some really good starters with a chili peanut soup.
The main ingredient was not peanut.
After ten minutes of slurping up noodles in what felt to me like a mixture of hot oil and extra strong chili table sauce straight from the bottle, I conceded defeat and resolved to always make sure the restaurant catered to the palate of my country before ordering spicy foreign food. I can handle our mouth-burners, but god damn I cannot handle theirs.
Y'know, funny thing about that... I spent 4-5 months in India back in 2008. Now, the rule of thumb is that the farther south you go in India, the hotter the food gets. We were primarily staying in Hyderabad, which is considered south-ish enough to have a lot of coconut and chili in their food, as well as being kind of a gastronomic capital.
Almost nothing we ate there even really registered on the fire alarm. There were some
manchurians with a little piff to them, but for the most part the stuff we made and ate at home was far and away spicier than what they were serving. Really rather surprising.
I suppose we should've made the trip to Mumbai or something, but that didn't really fit into the schedule. We were in Goa for a bit, but that was even milder (potatoes, potatoes everywhere).
A sad thing to note is that my spiciness tolerance has
definitely dropped from being here for as long as I have. It's exceptionally rare to find a place that actually manages to challenge or even stimulate my heat resistance. But, on the bright side, the Turkish shop across the road has finally started carrying proper rooster brand sriracha.
Bizarrely, the hottest thing I have ever eaten was actually here in Norway. There was a short-lived little restaurant that offered a challenge: Finish our hottest burger, and it's free. Fail miserably, and you pay double as well as getting your name put up on the hall of shame.
I got roped into eating this disaster by a journalist friend. They were doing a part on the restaurant, and had grabbed two guinea pigs to make the attempt.
I realized very quickly that the poor sap sitting next to me was
completely out of his depth... When he affirmed his candidacy by boasting about ordering "spicy" kebabs on the weekend, I knew that he wasn't ready for the devilry the Portuguese bastard running the place had in store for us.
And, sure enough, when we finally got served the burgers and the games began, he took a single bite and immediately capitulated, spending the rest of the evening sipping milk. Me? I'm too stubborn. God I'm an idiot...
The burger was estimated at about 1,000,000 scoville. Yes, I finished it, along with the comparitively soothing habanero fries. It didn't stay down very long, but I got all of it down.
The restaurant went out of business a couple months later.