“What would happen if the dwarves from the DF universe were to live on Earth?” this was the question which caused
this thread to be made. A lot of people have been sharing their stories there, but often they were asking for someone to make a true story about DF on Earth. When I read the thread, I got an idea for some stories, instead of posting them right away I looked for a way to make them into a longer one. From one thing came another and I am now furiously writing down all the ideas I can come up with. I already have a story planned which involves almost every major legend I could find on the forums. +2 internets if you can find them all.
The time I have for posting and writing this story is limited though, as for some reason, people expect me to still work for school while I could be writing DF-stories. I will try to update at least once a week, this way I'll be able to refine the stuff I come up with. Also, please note that I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize for any incoherent sentences and/or other mistakes I might make. I'm always open for constructive criticism, so please leave a comment below, even if it's just a
‼comment
‼ (Of course, your praise would also be more than welcome :p)This story is not written from the perspective of an individual, but it consists of several parts, such as news broadcasts or publications. These are not directly related to each other, but they each tell a part of the story from their own perspective and within their own context.
I retain the right to change my mind about that whenever I want though.Warning, some of these (or rather, a lot of these) texts are based on/parodies of actual events that have happened over the past years. This first part begins with a Dwarvenied version of the events of 9/11. Sensitive readers are advised to What am I talking about, sensitive readers? This is Dwarf Fortress! (No, really, no one's forcing you to read this. Though your room will be flooded with magma if you don't.)
I present to you a story about Dwarves, ‼Earth‼ and fatal incompatibilities. It takes place on Earth, where (for reasons unknown) dwarves have recently appeared and have started digging their Fortresses. They are known as "Great Engineers" as they baffle human scientists with their quantum stockpiles and Perpetuum Mobile devices which defy all the laws of nature. The story starts of with the sudden deterioration of human-dwarf relationships and the first steps towards total war.
Chapter One: Prelude to War.Date: 11 September 2001, 11:03 UTC
Toady One Network News live broadcast.Tom: “Hello, I’m Tom for TON News, bringing you kinda non-censored news from around the globe. We have been informed that the strange, drunk, hairy humanoids who call themselves “Dwarves” have gathered today at the World Trade Center to give a demonstration of the so-called “Dwarven engineering”. We’re going to Amie Winslett, live on scene.”
Amie: “Thank you Tom. The dwarves appear to have been in a rather strange mood lately, they have holed themselves up in the basements of the northern Twin Tower and have gone without food or drink for almost a month now. They have refused to speak with us, instead they keep muttering something about a—Wait, one of the dwarves is coming out now. He’s saying something about a lever, I’m going to try to get more details. In the meantime, back to you Tom.
Tom: “Dwarves secretly working on a mysterious device hidden under the Towers, what marvels of technologies will they reveal next? You heard it here first, on TON News!”
date: 23rd 1999
Scientific-ish AmericanRevised Relativity Theory.It has been long suspected that the vicinity of massive bodies can affect the speed of time. This seems to have been proven now by the Dwarves, who, as their Fortresses grow larger and quantum stockpiles are being created, can slow down time itself in a small, specific area around the Fortress. Scientists have now revealed a new, revised relativity theory which they have named the Dwarven Relativity Theory:
E=(m*c²)/U(d+s)
Wherein
U= Urist’s Constant (also known as the ☼Big Dwarven Number☼)
d= Amount of Dwarf-related stuff per square meter
s= total amount of socks that can be reached by a Dwarf
Toady One Network News live broadcastTom: “Hello and welcome back at TON, we’re now going live to Amie Winslett, who is now inside one of the Twin Towers where the dwarves are about to reveal their construction.”
Amie: “That’s right Tom. In fact, the dwarves have just invited us to join them at the top floor, where a handful of dignitaries from around the world have gathered to “Pull the lever” as the dwarves put it.”
Excerpt from “On the Origin of Dwarves” by Charles DwarfinA commonly asked question about these Dwarves is: “Where do they come from? How did they become the way they are?” The answer is, unfortunately, not as simple as it might seem. There is no way to explain their existence with the commonly accepted Evolution Theory, nor are they mentioned in any major religion’s creation myths.
Scientists are baffled when faced with the question “How did they survive?” Some call it a miracle how a species suffering from a congenital alcohol addiction, suicidal stupidity and extreme violent unstable nature, managed to survive for so many thousands of years.
Some scientists claim that their ability to give birth almost instantaneously and while walking has been a large contribution to their survival as a species. Others say it’s the way they can reproduce without any physical contact whatsoever. But I believe that the greatest factor for their survival is the way new dwarf “immigrants” seem to materialize just out of sight of a Fortress, even when there are no other settlements located on the continent.
Date: 11 September 2001, 12:48 UTC
Toady One Network News live broadcastAmie: “The American emissary was about to pull the lever which would reveal the dwarven mysterious construction, when all of a sudden the dwarves ran off, yelling something about a sock and a drowned miner. Wait,
listens closely to her earpiece We have just received confirmation that the lever-pulling can go on. It’s been pulled, we’re hearing strange sounds, almost like water, or maybe somet—OMG, what’s that? Fire, lava? Aaagh! Run! Run! Open the doors d****t! Sh** what’s this? We’re walled in! They walled us in… why… why do they want to kill us… What did we do to—Hey what’s that sound? The buildings is collaps—”
staticTom: “Amie, Amie are you still here, can you hear us? This just came in, it appears that one of the Twin Towers has just collapsed."
In earpiece: "do we have anyone else at the scene?" "We're now going live to Mike Feldman."
Mike: “*ahem* Behind me, one of the Twin Towers has just collapsed after catching fire. Apparently a very important supporting structure, "a pillar" some eyewitnesses say, has been remotely deconstructed by the dwarves. Also it appears that an airplane has been hit by the debris and is coming down. Dear god, it has crashed into the other tower, firefighters are trying to save as many as they can, but the situation is looking very, very grim.”
Excerpts from the speech of the president of the United States of America in response to the dwarven attack on 9/11:...On September the 11th, enemies of freedom committed an act of war against our country... Americans are asking: Who attacked our country? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated digging individuals known as the “The Oaken Tomes”. This group and its leader -- a person named Cacame Awemedinade -- are linked to many other Fortresses in many different mountains... Our war on tunnelism begins with The Oaken Tomes, but it does not end there. It will not end until every Dwarf Fortress with cavern access has been found, defeated, and collapsed.
So tonight I announce the creation of a Cabinet-level position reporting directly to me -- the Office of Aboveground Security. And tonight I also announce a distinguished American to lead this effort, to strengthen Aboveground security: a military veteran, an effective governor, a true patriot, a trusted friend -- Pennsylvania's Tom Bridge. He will cower behind his troops, send them to their demise, and coordinate an almost comprehensive international strategy to safeguard our world against tunnelism... But the only way to defeat tunnelism as a threat to our way of life is to stop it, flood it, and wall it up everywhere it digs its way through the soil...
Tunnels, unmonitored, can not only bring down buildings, it can threaten the stability of legitimate governments. And you know what? We're not going to allow it.
A truly terrible act indeed, but still one to be dwarfed (
no pun intended) by the events that will follow.
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Topic: Dwarf Fortress on ‼Earth‼ (Read 2727 times)