Early Spring 1059
Alleyes, Lead Scryer,
Mine Manager, Nosiness
Tosidetur, Mountainhome
I have been granted the immense honor of Mine Manager, for the remote outpost Whiskeybridle. I hope that my reign will be long and glorious.
I have bought a new notebook to celebrate.
The notebook is masterfully crafted and blank, soon to be filled with decorations and notes commemorating the success of my reign over Whiskeybridle. The notebook cover is made of dog leather. Its pages are made of cat parchment. The notebook is adorned with black diamonds. On the cover is a masterfully tooled image of drunken dwarves in harnesses. I fear that the picture – a reference to the Great Drink of 820 – is not perhaps as solemn as this elevation warrants, but it was the closest I could find on short notice. In an attempt to make this feel more real to me, I have ordered that the back cover be tooled to look like a hatchcover. Communicating with my dwarves at Whiskeybridle seemed an insurmountable task, as the usual method of liasing with an outpost was not available to me. However, I am not a priest of All Knowledge for nothing. Dwarves afflicted with Orderfun are incapable of resisting seemingly senseless urges. As a priest of All Knowledge, I have the ability to inflict senseless urges when I so choose. Still, dealing with a fort only through scrying leaves something to be desired. I am constantly reassuring myself that this is real, and not simply ink puddles on tablets.
In looking over the state of Whiskeybridle, I have noticed a few areas that need adjustment:
1) The state of animals at Whiskeybridle is abhorrent. Some pets are trapped outside the walls, puppies are allowed to roam at will, and four cages contain all the animals in the fort. While I watched, a jaguar died, so surrounded by dogs it could hardly move. More cages are an immediate must, perhaps arranged tastefully in a zoo?
2) Stairs in Whiskeybridle remain without exception uncovered. Hatchcovers should be ordered right away. Glass for the olivine stairs, orthoclase for the floor decorated entirely in orthoclase. I must make arrangements to match the color of other floors immediately.
3) There is far too much ore lying about. Poor management of a fort’s second most important resource, right behind dogs! I have ordered the production of alloys immediately, so that tasteful and valuable bars may be stacked out of sight.
4) Some 17 glass boxes have been made, but not installed anywhere! I have sent orders to have them placed in the larger bedroom floor.
5) Excess stone. I am contemplating ordering decorative slabs for the funeral floors, or perhaps continuing to furnish the empty bedrooms.
6) Children. While I hesitate even now to contemplate deliberately bringing children into this world in a fortress filled with Orderfun afflicted dwarves, themselves likely victims of Orderfun, if it is contagious or inheritable, I must admit that 13 dwarves is not a sufficient number for long-term fort maintenance. While Whiskeybridle is a fort of amazing beauty and order, I do not believe that I will be able to entice my fellows here at the Mountainhome to migrate there.
7) Some elf skeletons are in the refuse stockpile. This is unsightly. Is there anything to be done about this?
8 ) The lack of care for the external holdings of the fort means that thieves, doubtless disgusting little kobolds, are free to pillage at will. While I sympathize with the aversion to dealing with all that land, pillaging kobolds are soon followed by pillaging goblins. We require more cage traps on the off chance that anything untoward may occur.
Arrangements are underway for matters 1, 2, 3 and 4. I must meditate on the possible solutions for 5 and 6. 7 and 8 will doubtless resolve themselves.
It appears that my superiors feel that there is little we can use in Whiskeybridle, but I am sure that there is some ore in the soil. I must use this chance to prove it.
From Her Majesty Axeawe Ugogish
To Uncle Ugogish
You old rat. Why do I care about Aunt’s outposts? Why should I be saddled with them after her bankruptcy? And what do you know about this asylum Whiskeybridle? I’ve assigned Alleyes from Nosiness to it. If I’d had this idea I’d have shipped Alleyes off first thing, so assigning him as liason is the closest I can get. Ought to be good for a laugh, if nothing else.
EDIT: Edited to take text out of spoilers because of small font size. Sorry, still new to this.