Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[x2yzh9]

Well, I was gone for the entire time that the whole incident with Medicine Man happened, and since he got muted I didn't press it further. I'll take your critique into mind, it's just I had originally perceived it as an insult, but I'll do better from now on. My point is to get to a decent writing level by the time of the climax of the story.

[Fikes]

Honestly, why not put story advancement on hold, and start rewriting the first chapter?

[sonerohi]

This whole thing reads pretty shoddily. Very much railroaded. Because you need 'illogical event x' to happen for the plot you want exactly, 'logical event y' does not occur. Any good survivalist is going to remove dead weight and such. John got bit? Fucking shoot him. Who cares if he is immune? He never proved it to the team, and anyway is now a carrier and risk to the team.

[Shade-o]

And then John was a zombie.

[x2yzh9]

This whole thing reads pretty shoddily. Very much railroaded. Because you need 'illogical event x' to happen for the plot you want exactly, 'logical event y' does not occur. Any good survivalist is going to remove dead weight and such. John got bit? Fucking shoot him. Who cares if he is immune? He never proved it to the team, and anyway is now a carrier and risk to the team.

In the story, I forgot to write in a part that Yohann would ask John where the wound came from.

And what do you mean by railroaded?

[3]

I presume he means as he described. That is, everything important that happens obviously occurs for the sake of the plot - things that are obviously the logical or natural course don't occur because the plot dictates that an illogical alternative has to take place.

One aspect of this regards the way characters act in a given situation. When you're considering what should or should not happen in a given scene, try to put yourself in your character's shoes, naturally considering the character you're trying to create (trying to temporarily "be", as such) in the process, and then decide if what the character should be thinking in that situation works with the way you're trying to advance the plot. If you can't get the current scene to fit in with the way the character should act, you're probably better off scrapping that scene entirely, or at least entirely rethinking it. I suggest you avoid trying to do this the other way around (that is, keeping the plot segment the same and moulding the character to it) as that'll throw everything that you've already done off.

Of course, that won't help you get to the root of the issue, but you'll be able to fix that by applying your brain whist writing.

[Fikes]

I presume he means as he described. That is, everything important that happens obviously occurs for the sake of the plot - things that are obviously the logical or natural course don't occur because the plot dictates that an illogical alternative has to take place.

I am Fikes, and I approve this message.

Better than putting yourself into the situation, think up a couple of totally unrelated situations you have been in and figure out how your character would react to them. Someone accidently breaks his favorite toy, does this make him mad? Does he feel bad that they are embarrassed? Now it is the zombie apocalypse, someone accidently kills his dog. How does he react? Someone totally blows a mission, how does he respond?

For instance, if someone killed my dog in the post apocalypse, I would kill them. But I love my dog a little ridiculously. The character I am portraying in my book might be a little more reserved, or maybe he doesn’t like his dog at all.

The character should drive the action; the plot directly should drive very little. I assume you have a direction you are taking the story in, you may even have an ending planned, and that is fine. But you have to have a logical way for your character to get to there from here.

I really encourage you to start from the beginning with all of the criticism in mind.

[x2yzh9]

Right, I'll be starting a new one sometime tonight. I just need to think up a possible plot.

[sonerohi]

Another thing is to try and introduce elements beforehand rather than making it an eleventh hour superpower thing. The Army just happens to show up right then at the exact spot John needs them? Breaks the suspension of disbelief. The group chooses a path that will be near and intersect with the Army, and the Army saves John because of their close proximity? The story still runs ok.

[Fikes]

Why start over? Just take another stab at this story. You at least have a begining and middle to it. We'll all just pretend this never happened.

[x2yzh9]

Yea, let's try that. Will try and do a new chapter tonight.
e; Got home rather late, will have to do it tomorrow if I'm feeling better.

[x2yzh9]

Uh, yeah, not so much. Got really sick today, had to get a doctor's appointment for.. A lot of stuff.

[x2yzh9]

I don't really feel that spark to keep on writing. It was a good exercise, and if I ever feel like writing again I'll go here.