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[x2yzh9]

Why the fuck would the military have to STEAL plans for a boat? Who the fuck are they going to steal it from? Zombies and cannibals? And more importantly, why would they trust a STRANGER who possibly has no training in survival to find plans for a boat?

Um, no, The Military already left. When I said officers I meant officers in The Lincolns, since they have a military structure.

e; Dasleah, your posts are getting a little inflammatory now.

[Medicine Man]

*nevermind*

[Dasleah]

Welp, I was wrong. Killing the dog was not used for a spot of cheap emotional drama at all!

Turns out x2 obviously forgot he existed and couldn't be bothered writing him back into the story, so he killed him off-screen (that the man character will remember about for some cheap drama during a double backflip dual-wielding pistols while an explosion goes off in the background because a car crashed)

radical

[Medicine Man]

X2yzh9, please don't report Dasleah. He will only flame if it's a bad story.

[Willfor]

You keep on writing while asking to be critiqued. It seems to be working as a valid hook for you so far.

He's the author. What 'hooks' him into continuing to write is irrelevant. It's his audience - us - that needs to be hooked, and he ain't doing it, beyond the normal morbid fascination that comes with watching a train wreck unfold before you.

That's what I said... 

[x2yzh9]

X2yzh9, please don't report Dasleah. He will only flame if it's a bad story.

Are you saying.. MY STORY IS BAD?? 

Jokes or whatever aside, I might just ignore his posts in this thread if he does it again, I do suppose.

[Medicine Man]

X2yzh9, please don't report Dasleah. He will only flame if it's a bad story.

Are you saying.. MY STORY IS BAD?? 

It's not bad. It's just terrible.

*trollface*

[Retro]

Sadly, the dog's unexplained offscreen death is the most compelling thing about this story.

[Medicine Man]

Sadly, the dog's unexplained offscreen death is the most compelling thing about this story.

[Jackrabbit]

Okay, seriously, Medicine Man, if you're only here to insult without critique then, and I say this as politely as I can manage, fuck off.

[Medicine Man]

Okay, seriously, Medicine Man, if you're only here to insult without critique then, and I say this as politely as I can manage, fuck off.

NEEEEVAAAAAR!

[Dasleah]

I'd hardly call what I'm doing here 'flaming' unless you judge that 'constructively saying something that hurts my eFeelings' as trolling. I have no great personal grudge against x2 or anything that he does, it's just that most of what he does is awful, and I like to call bullshit on awful things. Everything I've said in this thread I've tried to back up with reason and example, and I'd be happy to elaborate further on any points. The sarcasm and jokes? Well most of what I write is tl;dr, so a little something to make reading it worthwhile never goes too far (that and that's just the kind of internet cool guy I am  )

x2 is of course perfectly entitled to ignore me and anything I say, but all that does is make one less critical voice in a thread where he's asked for critiques and all it really accomplishes is make him look like a petty baby throwing a tantrum because someone didn't fluff his bottom and call him a precious little angel.

Okay, seriously, Medicine Man, if you're only here to insult without critique then, and I say this as politely as I can manage, fuck off.

Yeah, this. The name change from dwarf mcdwarf to Medicine Man didn't change much at all. I can't fault someone for snark, but at least try and make it constructive or insightful snarkarge. This thread is not the place to farm for 'reputation' or whatever by thinking that just because you post alongside cool dudes, that makes you a cool dude.

[Toady One]

Medicine Man is just coming off a mute, and now he's back under for a week.

In general, this thread has developed a pretty crappy tone.

[x2yzh9]

What I'm trying to say Dasleah here, is

beyond the normal morbid fascination that comes with watching a train wreck unfold before you.

You didn't say anything there that contributes to it. It's like adding insult to injury-ish. I don't mind critique, but what I do mind is insulting it blatantly, instead of telling me what to do to make it better.

[Dasleah]

Critique is not 'here let me do all of the hard work for you'. Critique is 'these parts are awful and you should know that they are awful and this is why they are awful'. I'd provided plenty of reasons why this story just doesn't work, and that post you quoted in-context was all about how you weren't hooking the readers with anything beyond shallow action-movie tropes thinking that would satisfy us.

I'm critiquing - everyone's critiquing - and all you're doing is saying "Well, sure, that's your opinion, I guess" and then retroactively trying to plug holes and patch failures in your story to try and make it look like you're doing nothing wrong. You're asking for critique and wanting nothing but praise. Fair enough bitching about pointless insulting - which was exactly what Medicine Man got muted for in this very thread and hey you don't seem to mind him doing it - but I'm offering plenty of critique which you're happy to ignore and invalidate because I hurt your feelings pointing out the bad parts of your story.