From the Log Book of Glacial Nitigkikrost, Big Game Hunter2 Granite, 531As I was heading down to pick up some new ammunition, I passed Captain McGuinty. "You there!" she shouted at me. "You're in charge now!"
Without waiting for an answer, she started to head up top. "Where are you headed?" I asked her.
"I want to check out the siegers."
A vision of her bolt-peppered body crossed my thoughts. "As my first order, I command you to not do that."
"Right, then," Captain McGuinty declared. "Guess I'll go below and find a weapon, then." She marched down the stairs.
"Put some clothes on while you're down there!" I yelled after her.
Extra black space preserved for emphasis.
One of the legendary features of Bellwaxed is the magnificent stone mosaic of the namesake bell built before the castle gate. I went forth this morning to admire it, only to discover:
Some schisthead had built a new fortress entrance over it.
Does no one appreciate art? Is moving the entrance a rite of passage in every succession fort?
That's rhetorical. Duh.
8 Granite, 531Sometimes people ask me, "Glacial, why would a famous, handsome, and successful celebrity big game hunter like you become manager of a doomed dwarven fortress where no one can wear gloves?"
10 Granite, 531I've noticed a gaping need in the fortress: we have no Captain of the Guard. Naturally, I saw this as an opportunity to promote my lover Cheetah. Within a day, she took her duly-appointed place as the fortress's new chief of security.
She came to find me immediately afterwards.
12 Granite, 531 FOR LOVE OF ILON SHE SMASHED ME TOE! OW OW OW!
Cheetah, you should be ashamed of yourself, beating your lover. I bet you feel awful--
Er, no, I guess you actually had a great time, didn't you?
Hey, wait, they bring me food as long as I'm in a hospital bed.
I've made it very clear to everyone that my toe still really hurts. It's smashed open! Look!
This isn't too bad.
1 Slate to 24 Slate, 531"Boss, I tried to Place Item in Tomb, but Item was inaccessible."
"Boss, I tried to Place Item in Tomb, but Item was inaccessible."
"Boss, I tried to Place Item in Tomb, but Item was inaccessible."
"Boss, I tried to Place Item in Tomb, but Item was inaccessible."
"Open the damn gates," I groaned from my sickbed. "Send out the Trampled Stockades and the Beans of Silver. I can't take any more complaining!"
26 Slate, 531The siege is broken. The final casualties on our side were one clothier who decided to do an interpretive dance on top of the fortress, and the valiant swordmaster Thob Lertetherith Ethadodad Oslan, who single-handledly charged two squads of bow-goblins.
Guess which one we'll miss.
1 Felsite, 531And for our courage, a reward worthy of heroes.
Also, some twat made an elephant bone mace named the Yawning Null-Gear.
8 Felsite, 531Food and drink supplies are running low. I ordered the farmers to plant some plump helmets.
"Er," one dissembled.
"Um," another agreed.
...really? No plump helmets in the entire fortress? How is that even possible?
Also, elves showed up.
14 Felsite, 531So did some goblins.
16 Felsite, 531No more ambush. No casualties, no sweat.
25 Felsite, 531We've completed trade with the elves, and have enough supplies to avoid catastrophe until the end of my year of (mis)rule. I may even get production fixed for the next overseer before I'm through.
Why do I not seize elven goods? Because no fort needs 27 pieces of wooden armor and weapons to accidentally get equipped on the military. C'mon, folks -- trading with elves is easy: they want silk debris and metal.
1 Malachite, 531With the siege broken and the food and drink crisis temporarily averted, it's time to focus on the big game I'm here to hunt.
These guys are my quarry:
4 Malachite, 531We had a fey mood dyer, who produced a turtle bone earring. Yawn.
18 Malachite, 531Another forgotten beast has joined the ranks of my prey:
10 Galena, 531To deal with the beasts, I've built a fiendish trap filled with tasty bait animals. The idea is that the beasts will waste their time on the animals, giving me the opportunity to bring them down from afar with well-placed bolts. If I'm lucky, a war dog might even take down one of the more pathetic beasts.
Here is an engraving of my hunting blind. Note that I have two squads of adamantine-shod warriors backing me up if something goes wrong.
No one said hunting is supposed to be fair.
17 Galena, 531
Four of five forgotten beasts down... and an ambush up top! All the animals are dead, and the last beast, the toxic magpie, is at the iron door beating its way in.
19 Galena, 531
All five forgotten beasts are dead. The last one had to be dealt with face-to-face.
I have good news:
And bad news:
Now, onto the goblins.
Tune in next time as Glacial Nitigkikrost and Donpatrick Zuntirkan Ugosh Alnis answer the ever-important question, "What are those horrible blood-filled blisters on my hands, and why do I feel so dizzy?"
Author
Topic: Bellwaxed: Humans and Harpies (Succession Fort) (Read 39505 times)