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[KaguroDraven]

Well I've seen some....well dark stories on here that people are willing to share to I figured what the heck why not make a thread about shareing our worst experiances and sharing them.

When I was around 11, I think, I was more......violent. I got into fights, usually other people started them but eh details, alot and I stopped handing in homeworks becouse I was fed up with my teachers saying it was to 'help learn the matieral' when I corrected them in class sometimes >.>. Anyway, one day I started a fight with this other kid who was being a racist prick, got a split lip, that part is fine and all well and dandy. Now when I got home Paul, my father, was apparently upstairs takeing a bath. My math teacher called and informed him of the homework, and I think the fight but I'm not sure. He proceeded to calmy finish the bath, get dressed, come down stairs, and beat the liveing shit out of me, as my sister just sat at the computer not doing a thing. My mother was at work at the time so she couldn't help. The next day I had bruses covering my body and was bleeding from....a bad spot to be bleeding from. Next day my mom got him arrested and a restraining order filed(yay mom!) and since that day I no matter how much I want to or how much I try my arms won't respond when I try to punch someone. I also, especially after learning some of the shit he did to my mom during their marriage, tend to....blow up when people compair me to him. The experiance also helped finish a process that was already going on, for almost 6 years I went around barly feeling any emotion, I didn't even cry over anything during those years. I am only recently becomeing able to feel, and feeling less sucidal, and oddly enough I'm....happy now, mostly.

[Rooster]

I don't want to sound cheesy, or stupid, but
I feel for you. I understand how you feel. I believe that I understand, just from that little piece of text written without me being able to see your face or know your true name, still I think I do.
You see I have similar experiences. When I glanced at this thread I was like, meh... and then I read what you actually wrote.
This a dark world we live in. And some people (including me) can go emo here.
I actually made a thread to document my feelings and emotions and thoughts here on this forum, from my life.
As a form of theraphy maybe? I don't even know why I did that.
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=47340.msg951417#msg951417
I'm in a Domestic violence "friendly"(sic!) family. I think my mother won't leave because we would be homeless otherwise. Maybe it's this... at least I hope it is. I'm going to be 17 soon. If I'll be lucky I could just move out in a couple of years. My home life sucks, and I was bullied at school. You might want to read the thread I linked to. It's me spilling my tears and blood out. I found out I'm not a very stable person. I actually got back to depressed me from earlier years. For entirely different reasons. I'm not bullied (as much) anymore, but things like school, developing anorexia (yes, it's sick -  a man getting anorexia...) and bipolarity tend to get the best of me sometimes. Sometimes I hope things will get better and sometimes I wish I had a shoulder to cry on. You see being an insecure emotional wreck is sadly not very acceptable. I'll explain. When I read things like a guy saying to his gf that he was molested as a child and that he understands if she wants to leave him, I thought that only a monster would leave a partner at the most vulnerable time. Now I completely understand. People don't like other people with problems. They don't stop to help them. They don't even stop to be sorry for them. I have to always have a mask that everything is fine, even when I want to break down and cry. What a sad world. At least we have the internet. People tend to be more compassionate here. And I don't even want help. I just need somebody to listen. When I'm opening up myself for somebody they tend to tell me to shut up already and get over it... That of course makes the situation only worse. I just want people to feel sorry for me. You have all the right to judge me for that. Nobody likes whiners. I'll need to get a good therapy for the rest of my life. I lost all ability to love others because of my alcoholic-abusive father. I made it my life philosophy to never touch alcohol, and never EVER give in to violence - the things I hate my father for. My life revolves around me being afraid to become like my father. I'm afraid of this more than anything. That's why I'll never be loved by anybody, paradoxically I need somebody to be there for me. The need to be loved by parents and to feel safe were never fulfilled. For the rest of my life I'll have relapses with me wanting to kill myself. I think that in the end I'll keep on living. I'm sorry that this is so long, and that I'm so pitifull. I just wanted to open up to somebody, and wanted to share.
You're my brother in-pain so to speak

[inteuniso]

Jesus... I've never been in that bad of a spot.

The worst thing that has ever happened to me was when I was bullied by my school bus driver and the whole bus laughed. That and other bullying during elementary school. Middle school was alright, but I still felt somewhat like an outcast.

High school has been great for me. I found out you don't have to be thin to play sports, which in turn helped me with my weight. I was finally fitting in. Of course, things never last. During practice one day, I was hit somewhat hard in the knee. I didn't think anything was wrong until I realized I couldn't get up. 3 weeks later, and I'm on an operating table. It's doubtful I will play any sport again that needs me on my legs, except something that doesn't require putting stress on my cartilage, like swimming. I have another 5 weeks on crutches, and another 4 months of physical therapy to get me walking normally. Even now, it's depressing to see my own muscles not even respond to my brain.

Still, I know eventually it will be better. If I persevere, eventually life will return to normal. I just don't have a badass story to tell about it. And when I look about me, I realize I'm not the only one. There are other people who have been crippled, most worse than me. I may have lost certain things, but I can still function. I have been hurt physically, and though it puts a strain on me emotionally, I have support. Friends and parents who care, and who talk to me, and ask me how I'm doing. That, more than anything, guarantees me pushing forward, and my struggle to return to normal.

[KaguroDraven]

Well Rooster if you ever need someone to listen I'm willing to, I like listening to people's problems for some reason if it helps them. But know this, if my experiance has taught me anything, the memories will last, you will likely have atleast one problem caused by these events, but it's likely you can mostly move on and eventuilly try to be happy. I know after what Paul did, combined with shit at school, I tried to kill myself more than once, never went through with it, mostly becouse I was afraid of the pain. Now though? I've grown, I've been through things that have helped me grow as a person, and I'm happy. I can even accept what happend to me becouse.... It made me who I am today, and I like me, If I met someone exactly like me I would be best friend with them, unlike most people who wouldn't be able to stand someone just like them.

[Nikov]

Diagnosed with epilepsy, kept me out of the military.

[Rooster]

Inteuniso: I'm glad that you're doing well. There is a girl in my country (not like that). She's a singer. Rather famous across Poland and Czech republic. She's the only person I know that exists and is 100% mentaly healthy. She's gratefull to be healthy and to have both parents. Wants to have a boyfriend, anjoys life, doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. A truly wonderfull person. I wish I had a daughter like that.

KaguroDraven: Thanks, I appreciate it. Looks like I can call you my friend now, heh. I actually find my personality traits in you and what you describe is well very similar to what I think. When I was this suicidal kid, I never did the deed, because I was afraid of death simply (or pain, is basically the same thing in this situation). I keep thinking what would have been if some things were different in my life, but I like the way it is. The adult life will be hopefully awesome. (provided that I'll get my basic education at least. getting the money is the biggest worry so far).

[Medicine Man]

Diagnosed with epilepsy, kept me out of the military.

Poor bastard. How serious is it now?

The worst thing that ever happened to me would have to be me getting bullied for 6 years. In the end it wasn't the bullying that effected me the most, it was that it felt as if nobody cared. The bullying (and other stuff that happened) turned me into a violent and angry kid.

[BigJake]

In it.  DF and this board have done wonders to help me keep my mind off of it.  Sincere thank you.

[KaguroDraven]

I would be glad to accept you as a friend Rooster, heh who would have thought this topic would make me a new friend? Now I have 6 or 7 friends, yay!

[Ampersand]

The formative years of my childhood were filled with mental and physical violence, which left deep mental scars that had me waking up with night terrors almost every night for years.

I feel, however, that I have developed to become better than my abuser. And though I can still feel her thumbs on my windpipe when I close my eyes, and bitterly remember every occasion when she was nearly caught but the signs ignored, I will not let myself sink to that level.

[Nikov]

Diagnosed with epilepsy, kept me out of the military.

Poor bastard. How serious is it now?

Had a seizure five minutes ago. That answer for you?

[Lordinquisitor]

I don`t think it`s the worst thing that happened to me, but it`s quite annoying, affected my life and could also be considered funny.

So i was in 5th grade. You know, a little pupil. Now our music teacher was an asshole (Like any teacher in the first gymnasium i visited. Full of pedophiles, disgruntled old teachers and terrible teachers and humans.)

I might explain a bit. You all know the Sixteenth note, or? Now, it`s called "Sechzehntelnote" in German. In germany pupils are often told to go to the board where they are asked some questions and then get a grade.

One day i was called to the Board. The Teacher asks me some questions and everything is allright, but i`m pretty excited. (5th Grade!) Then he draws a sixteenth note on the blackboard and asks me how that note is called. Being so excited i pronounce it wrong- So that it sounds more like "Sex zehntel note"
And sex means exactly the same thing in german as in english.

Now, the whole class laughs. Ok, can happen. I laugh too. And the teacher. But then he asks me to repeat it.. And i`m even more excited and i pronounce it wrong again. And again. And he keeps telling me to repeat it. Until i nearly cry (Hey, 5th grade!) I smash the chalk against the board and i go back to my table and sit down.

Long Term Effect: I can`t pronounce the word "Sechzehn" e.g Sixteen right anymore.. Which is quite irritating since sixteen seems to be a very, very, common number. It also killed my interest in music and from that day on i always got bad grades in music.

[Medicine Man]

Diagnosed with epilepsy, kept me out of the military.

Poor bastard. How serious is it now?

Had a seizure five minutes ago. That answer for you?

Is there medication that will stop or at least delay the seizures?