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Author Topic: -snop-  (Read 9289 times)

truckman1

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #60 on: October 09, 2010, 01:43:12 pm »

 
Yeah, ok, consensus seems to be that Ironblood needs to be in. I'll replace Morul's entry with an entry on Ironblood with mention of Nist Akath.



Good idea. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure Morul is really necessary to the article. I mean yeah he's cool, but unless you already are familiar with the game, then why would you care about someone grinding one of their dudes to be good at all game's the skills?

See what I mean? While yeah a lot of the communities legends are epic, we need to have a higher density of things which were both epic and hillarious, over-the-top and generally dwarfy, to set it apart from anything else involving dwarves.
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Spoiler (click to show/hide)
That's the point, it wouldn't be as fun to crush their souls if they didn't have souls to begin with.

Bauglir

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #61 on: October 09, 2010, 04:17:47 pm »

-snip-
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 08:52:57 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Retro

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #62 on: October 09, 2010, 06:03:42 pm »

Think of it as 1 soul-per-cubic meter.

This quote is delicious.

o_O[WTFace]

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #63 on: October 09, 2010, 08:58:11 pm »

I would say include Boatmurdered because it explains the basics of the game, and its pretty funny and a good portion of the people here got into DF by reading it.  A mention of the Headshoots civil war and Holistic Detective would also be good.  It had magma containment failures, tantrum spirals, an east/west division, lava proof champions, rooms beyond space, admantine artifacts, dead nobility and that epic duel at the end.

Morul is pretty awesome but only if you understand the sort of crap you would have to go through to get a legendary small animal dissector or legendary milker.   
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...likes Dwarf Fortresses for their terrifying features...

Darkmere

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #64 on: October 10, 2010, 09:56:29 pm »

Could someone give me a summary of why Ironblood is awesome?

Nist akath is (IMO) to DF storytelling what flarechannel and undergrotto are to over-the-top fort design.

If it were me writing the blurb, I'd spin it thusly:

Nist akath began as a clenched arsehole bored into an evil tundra, a community fort whose chances of survival were grim at best. After scrabbling in the dirt fighting off skelks and the implacable cold, "Captain" Ironblood is elected mayor, and the settlement begins a turn for the better. Military stability leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to political intrigue, which in turn leads to the enlarged, fortified city becoming a new mountainhome. Towards the end, Captain (the player, not Ironblood) started making alterations to the game data to set up dream sequences to further the story (mention flexibility of the game raws in the cracked article here, perhaps?). In the end, Ironblood and his brother end up foiling a plot by a dark priestess to overthrow the fort and turn it into a demonic portal. After (25? 30? 50?) years, the fort is elevated to primary training ground of the dwarven civilization, and left standing guard over the sealed demonic portal. Ironblood releases a dragon from the menagerie and rides off into demigodhood, purging the world of Titans and megabeasts.

Highlights:
Ironblood beats a hydra to death with an artifact stone cabinet.

Ironblood meets with fortress advisers, while defending against a goblin siege.

Babies drowned in the communal baths. (Ok, maybe leave this out, too dwarfy for the uninitiated)

Political intrigue written from both sides, incompetent, oblivious nobles and the ascended common man.

"Fetch me object for my bedroom. I have no idea what. SURPRISE ME!"

The final battle took place at the top of the Hammer Tower, 15 stories of Armok's will. A Marksdwarf (if memory serves, the same one that, earlier in the story, fell out of a tower during a siege, then limped up to the goblin commander and stabbed him in the neck with an arrow.) dodges around for a few days, bonking the demonic priestess with his wooden crossbow.

Ironblood's tomb was 15 stories tall. If breached, the entire platform would break through into a cistern, encasing the entire tomb in water. Then it released skeletal elk. Then the ceiling collapsed, entombing the whole thing in ice.

Over 4,000 dead skelk!

If memory serves, the story went off and on for almost 3 years, from late 2007 to mid-2010.
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And then, they will be weaponized. Like everything in this game, from kittens to babies, everything is a potential device of murder.
So if baseless speculation is all we have, we might as well treat it like fact.

Indricotherium

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #65 on: October 11, 2010, 05:05:03 pm »

My favorite Ironblood quote (from fairly early in the story):
Quote
A child pulled me aside today. He asked me why it was so white outside.
I told him that everything was covered in snow.
He asked me what was below the snow.
I told him that bones were below the snow.

This is Nist Akath. This is where the undead come to find rest.
This is where they come to find my kindly axe.
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That is a wasteful idea that recklessly endangers life. I applaud your genius!
There are as many ways to play the game as there are socks on a battlefield.

tehstefan

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #66 on: October 15, 2010, 09:44:13 pm »

Actually Ironblood didn't beat the hydra to death with an artifact cabinet. He beat it to death with his BARE HANDS.

Yeah. He beat the berserk hammerdwarf to death with the artifact cabinet.
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I suspect you've never tried doing many illegal things yet in your game. The second the CCS knows you're "active", they'll come down on you like the hammer of God.

ZhangC1459

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #67 on: October 16, 2010, 01:05:52 pm »

Actually Ironblood didn't beat the hydra to death with an artifact cabinet. He beat it to death with his BARE HANDS. WHILE NAKED

Yeah. He beat the berserk hammerdwarf to death with the artifact cabinet.
fix'd that

Bauglir

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #68 on: October 17, 2010, 10:44:30 pm »

-snip-
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 08:53:15 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Itnetlolor

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #69 on: October 18, 2010, 05:53:34 pm »

Looks good. Thanks for the credit as well.

Julien Brightside

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #70 on: October 26, 2010, 02:18:47 pm »

I liked the article.

I tend to get a tear in my eye when reading about awesome dwarven historical figures.

Untelligent

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #71 on: October 26, 2010, 05:53:03 pm »

You should probably add something about the 8-bit dwarven computer to that last section.
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The World Without Knifebear — A much safer world indeed.
regardless, the slime shooter will be completed, come hell or high water, which are both entirely plausible setbacks at this point.

Bauglir

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #72 on: October 26, 2010, 09:19:57 pm »

-snip-
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 08:53:40 pm by Bauglir »
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In the days when Sussman was a novice, Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6.
“What are you doing?”, asked Minsky. “I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe” Sussman replied. “Why is the net wired randomly?”, asked Minsky. “I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play”, Sussman said.
Minsky then shut his eyes. “Why do you close your eyes?”, Sussman asked his teacher.
“So that the room will be empty.”
At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #73 on: October 26, 2010, 09:27:43 pm »

It's in the Hall of Legends, like anything else that could conceivably go on that page if there was room.
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darkflagrance

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Re: Cracked Topic
« Reply #74 on: October 26, 2010, 09:27:56 pm »

You should probably add something about the 8-bit dwarven computer to that last section.

Wait, we have one of those? Daaaamn. Link? I could probably find it with even a cursory investigation, but honestly I'm exhausted right now and am planning on just screwing around for the rest of the night.

http://mkv25.net/dfma/poi-22127-dwarvencomputer  :D

Edit: and the link from the Hall of Legends:
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=49641.msg1035291#msg1035291
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