Ah...well, why not.
Anyway, Stab the archer with a dart, and contemplate your own existance, in an egomaniacle manner.
You grab one of your tranquilizer darts and plant it into the guard's head. She looks pretty tranquilized. Or maybe she's just dead. You suppose it doesn't really matter.
Standing there on top of that tower, surrounded by dead bodies, and also that of Tarar ( NOOOOOOOOOO! ), you suddenly feel an urge for introspection. Who are you, and why are you so fucking
awesome?
You spend a few minutes thinking about all the awesomeness that is you. It's fun, but you don't really learn anything new. After all, everyone already knew you are the greatest, smartest and most attractive creature to ever exist, and that it was mere luck you were eventually caught and not because of any mistakes you made, and how you should totally have won that talent show in second grade...
Thinking back to that injustice, you are once again filled with rage, and you're no longer in the mood for this deep thinking. You'd rather kill something, now. You walk up to Horl to see if maybe he deserves to be killed by you.
"Hey, Horl."
"What?", he replies. He looks like he's calmed down a bit,
"Why are you here?"
For a moment, he looks confused by your question, but then he realizes what you mean. "Well, I ran something known as a pyramid scheme. You know what a pyramid scheme is?"
"I don't care what it is unless it involves murder, or some other terrible crime."
Horl frowns at you before continuing. "Not really. Basically, I tricked people into giving me money. Eventually, they went after me and brought me to this place, like I assume they did with you."
Not even a little bit of murder? Just... tricking idiots for money? Man, that's lame. You're not really sure you even want an assistant with such a lame criminal résumé. Still, having an ally now would probably be a good idea, and he'll make you look
even cooler by comparison.
There is one more thing you want to ask him, though.
"Horl, do you want to come with me to Dakapital and conquer it in an amazing rebellion involving massive amounts of Guerrila warfare and evil ingenuity?"
He considers your offer for a moment, suitably impressed by how well thought out your evil plan already is. You let a few seconds pass before deciding that maybe he needs some more convincing.
"Look, the city below us... well, some of the worst criminals in history were locked up here. Right now, they're all probably terribly confused, and confused people do stupid things. Dangerous things. You won't make it out of here alone, I can assure you. But if you help me to take the city later, I'll help you escape now. I am, after all, a Master Escaper."
Wisely, he decides to accept your offer, and you both climb onto StanStan, who seems to have calmed down again. However, just as you're about to leave...
"Wait! One last thing!" you say.
You jump off StanStan and run towards the guard with the dart you slammed into her brain.
"Hey, uhm, do you want to...join me? I know we've had our little disagreements, and...and...and I'm sorry about that dart and all, but hey, you forgive me, right? Besides, if you don't join me, well, I'll...kill you..."
No reply. You roll her off the tower in retaliation. As you turn around to climb back on StanStan, you catch Horl looking at you with a strange look on his face. You wonder why.
"Well, where should we go now, then?" Horl asks stupidly.
"Gee Horl, I think we should jump off the edge of this tower! Because clearly, that's our only way of getting down from here!" You're a little more annoyed at his question than you should've been. It's because of that damn rude guard, you decide.
Skills:
Lvl 1 Animals (6/10 xp )
Lvl 0,1 Magic ( you know a little bit about magic, but can't use it yet )
Lvl 1 Managing (2/5)
Lvl 1 Escape (2/10)
Lvl 0 Speech (3/5) Lvl 0 Gloat (3/5)
Lvl 0 Experiments (4/5)
Lvl 0 Shopping (2/5)
Lvl 0 Blowdart (3/5)
Lvl 0 Stealth (2/5)
Lvl 0 Misc Object User (3/5)
Lvl 0 Unarmed Fighting (1/5)
Inventory:
Magic Flashlight
120 moniez
Blowgun and 26 tranquilizer darts, as well as 15 Tarar-venom darts.
1 syringe filled with Tarar's venom.
Book on animals.
Lab equipment: Syringes, spider farming equipment, labcoat, magnifying glass, animal restrainers, scale
Your animals:
StanStan, the large six-limbed mole-ish creature. Hit by two arrows and stabbed with a dagger, but otherwise fine.
3 small, cuddly bunnies with regenerative powers
3 regenerated bunny clones
Your henchmen
Horl, your apprentice zookeeper. Also a thief, and before that, apparently some kind of trickstery guy. He's really lame.
Health:
Your arm is bleeding a lot more now that you’ve removed the arrow. Your head hurts from when the mayor hit you. You feel dizzy and confused.
I forgot how long these always take me to write...
Author
Topic: YOU ARE CAVEDWELLING ZOOKEEPER VILLAIN, the Master Escaper (Read 11416 times)