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[ledgekindred]

Rather than setting them on fire, confiscating their stuff, drowning them, dropping them onto spikes, feeding them to ravenous cave crawlers, killing them outright or any of a hundred other things I can think to do to them, I've decided on a more subtle approach.

I made a special stockpile right next to the depot that only accepts certain items, and with only the lower qualities of items allowed.  This shall be the stockpile from which I exclusively draw for elven trading.  My dwarves are currently sorting and sifting through my stockpiles to get the right items in place for my insidious plans.

From now on I will only trade used socks and loincloths for elven goods. 

That'll show 'em.

[Urist Imiknorris]

I just steal their stuff and strip them naked. Rope reed fiber clothing is valuable.

[Zaerosz]

Especially dyed.

[ledgekindred]

Pah!  That's not the point!  I'll still take all their stuff.  But then I will send them home with carts of smelly old socks and used goblin *geh*  loincloths.

[m1k3y4e7]

this is the best idea.

[breadbocks]

I consider bowing to your dorfiness, but then I remember that giving them anything makes them want to keep giving you cloth, not ANIMALS.

[Xenos]

no, if they turn a profit they bring cloth.  if they lose money then they bring animals. 

[ledgekindred]

This would be my luck.

Elf Lord: "Welcome back merchants!  What dwarven goods do you bring?  Were you able to convince them of the evils of destroying our precious nature?"
Elf Merchant: "We may be making headway.  Sort of.  A tiny bit.  No probably not.  In fact they said, 'Get bent, you tree-f***ing Elf bastards.'  I admit I don't know how to properly translate that Dwarven word. "
Elf Lord: "Hmm, yes, I'm sure.  Not unexpected from such a distasteful race, however.  Then, what of trade?"
Elf Merchant: (not quite looking the Elf Lord in the face) "Weeeellllll.... yes.  We did get a lot of stuff from them."
Elf Lord: "Very good."
Elf Merchant: (looking more or less at the Elf Lord's left foot) "Weeeellllll.... yes, but then after trading with us they went ahead and took the rest of our stuff too.  But they, uh, they did let us keep the stuff they had already traded us.  Quite a lot... of stuff."
Elf Lord: "Indeed?  Hmph.  Quite odd, but once again, you never can predict how these dwarves will insult you next.  So, what did you bring us?"
Elf Merchant: (now looking directly at the ground) "... crfluv uhzd skzzn lkfsf..."
Elf Lord: (raised eyebrow) "Beg pardon?"
Elf Merchant: (shuffling feet, still looking at ground) "Emmm... cart full of ... *cough* ... used, uh, socks.  And l-l-l ... loin ... cloths.  Sire."
Elf Lord: "Socks."
Elf Merchant: (intensely focused on perhaps an ant or rock) "Yes, Sire."
Elf Lord: "Used socks.  And loincloths.  Also used, I presume."
Elf Merchant: (or possibly a rare type of beetle) *nods head* mumbles "b'lieve so, Sire."
Elf Lord: "Well then."  (pause while the Elf Lord contemplates) "Well then.  What kind of.  Um.  Where did ... that is, from whom did these loincloths come, exactly?"
Elf Merchant: (long, uncomfortable pause) "Sire?  I believe goblins ... and ... trolls ... sire?"
Elf Lord: (brightly) "Used troll underwear?" (catches himself, sounds serious) "Ah, yes, um.  Well then.  Yes.  Shall we just have these sent to the tower.  Yes.  For examination.  To determine, uh, how we shall punish the dwarves in return.  Yes, punish.  Punishment.  Bad dwarves.  Very very bad boy.  *ahem*  Yes.  I will be in the tower.  Very busy.  At least a couple hours.  Probably rest of the day.  Busy busy busy you know.  Yes.  Oh, uh, send the dwarves some more cloth or something. Yes.  Alrighty then, good job!  Gotta run."

(exit quickly stage left Elf Lord.)

(Elf merchants shuffle around, intensely not making eye contact with each other, casually pretend they just happened to simultaneously all have to be somewhere else right now.  Walk off.)

[Sean Mirrsen]

That's epic.

[V-Norrec]

This would be my luck.

Elf Lord: "Welcome back merchants!  What dwarven goods do you bring?  Were you able to convince them of the evils of destroying our precious nature?"
Elf Merchant: "We may be making headway.  Sort of.  A tiny bit.  No probably not.  In fact they said, 'Get bent, you tree-f***ing Elf bastards.'  I admit I don't know how to properly translate that Dwarven word. "
Elf Lord: "Hmm, yes, I'm sure.  Not unexpected from such a distasteful race, however.  Then, what of trade?"
Elf Merchant: (not quite looking the Elf Lord in the face) "Weeeellllll.... yes.  We did get a lot of stuff from them."
Elf Lord: "Very good."
Elf Merchant: (looking more or less at the Elf Lord's left foot) "Weeeellllll.... yes, but then after trading with us they went ahead and took the rest of our stuff too.  But they, uh, they did let us keep the stuff they had already traded us.  Quite a lot... of stuff."
Elf Lord: "Indeed?  Hmph.  Quite odd, but once again, you never can predict how these dwarves will insult you next.  So, what did you bring us?"
Elf Merchant: (now looking directly at the ground) "... crfluv uhzd skzzn lkfsf..."
Elf Lord: (raised eyebrow) "Beg pardon?"
Elf Merchant: (shuffling feet, still looking at ground) "Emmm... cart full of ... *cough* ... used, uh, socks.  And l-l-l ... loin ... cloths.  Sire."
Elf Lord: "Socks."
Elf Merchant: (intensely focused on perhaps an ant or rock) "Yes, Sire."
Elf Lord: "Used socks.  And loincloths.  Also used, I presume."
Elf Merchant: (or possibly a rare type of beetle) *nods head* mumbles "b'lieve so, Sire."
Elf Lord: "Well then."  (pause while the Elf Lord contemplates) "Well then.  What kind of.  Um.  Where did ... that is, from whom did these loincloths come, exactly?"
Elf Merchant: (long, uncomfortable pause) "Sire?  I believe goblins ... and ... trolls ... sire?"
Elf Lord: (brightly) "Used troll underwear?" (catches himself, sounds serious) "Ah, yes, um.  Well then.  Yes.  Shall we just have these sent to the tower.  Yes.  For examination.  To determine, uh, how we shall punish the dwarves in return.  Yes, punish.  Punishment.  Bad dwarves.  Very very bad boy.  *ahem*  Yes.  I will be in the tower.  Very busy.  At least a couple hours.  Probably rest of the day.  Busy busy busy you know.  Yes.  Oh, uh, send the dwarves some more cloth or something. Yes.  Alrighty then, good job!  Gotta run."

(exit quickly stage left Elf Lord.)

(Elf merchants shuffle around, intensely not making eye contact with each other, casually pretend they just happened to simultaneously all have to be somewhere else right now.  Walk off.)

My quality signature senses are tingling.  Sigged.

[LemonFrosted]

"Sire, they stole all our goods!"
"Then they shall have none of our precious cloth! Next season bring no cloth!"
"Then what shall we send instead? We cannot go empty handed!"
"True, that would bring us to their level... load up with something useless. Like that breeding pair of tame giant albino sabre-toothed tigers down in the parlor. I don't know, rustle up some grizzly bears or an elephant or two. You figure it out."

[Itnetlolor]

Get their new cloth for your used clothing, and in front of the merchants, drop the new cloth into the magma pipe. We don't need any more cloth.

Make sure those merchant profits are as low as possible when you do this.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Give them a single sock, then seize all their stuff and magmafy it.

[fluiddruid]

My mayor's tomb is mostly engraved with depictions of one elf attacking another elf, or the same pair but the first elf is devouring the other elf. 

Yes.  My mayor will spend eternity with elf cannibalism art.

If only I could get my engraver to decorate the walls around the trade depot...

[Urist Imiknorris]

Drown your engravers and train up better ones.