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[JuffBuckley]

Hullo! I'm new here!

I'm out of school, have been for a year, and have been doing some thinking. I've been through a longish relationship which was a headfkcuk. I'm over it now, kind of, but that's not the point. The point is that all the crap that happened has lead me to think about who i am.

Here is what has been on my mind (This goes for everyone by the way but I'll put it in my perspective)

I like to think that I'm a kind, sensitive person. I like to think that i can understand things from another persons perspective. But going through a relationship has made me think otherwise. I THINK that I'm a good person but I could be a selfish prick who's subconscious is in it all for himself. I think i am a bit self-centered but isn't everybody? < That's not rhetorical by the way.

Basically what I'm asking is that is it possible to think that you're nice, caring, sensitive etc. but in actuality you're a real self-centered prick?? and if i am a self centered prick, how do i become genuinely caring and thoughtful?

Please give me helpful answers!

[Ø]

Yes.

Hope that helps.

[Euld]

I go through the same thing constantly.  My conclusion is that I can't please everyone and that I make mistakes.  I do what I can, forgive myself, forgive others, and listen to my gut.

Pay attention to the needs others, and do what you're comfortable doing to help them out.  Be honest, but sometimes you may have to bite your tongue because they may not be ready for the truth yet.

[Makrond]

Hullo! I'm new here!

I'm out of school, have been for a year, and have been doing some thinking. I've been through a longish relationship which was a headfkcuk. I'm over it now, kind of, but that's not the point. The point is that all the crap that happened has lead me to think about who i am.

Here is what has been on my mind (This goes for everyone by the way but I'll put it in my perspective)

I like to think that I'm a kind, sensitive person. I like to think that i can understand things from another persons perspective. But going through a relationship has made me think otherwise. I THINK that I'm a good person but I could be a selfish prick who's subconscious is in it all for himself. I think i am a bit self-centered but isn't everybody? < That's not rhetorical by the way.

Basically what I'm asking is that is it possible to think that you're nice, caring, sensitive etc. but in actuality you're a real self-centered prick?? and if i am a self centered prick, how do i become genuinely caring and thoughtful?

Please give me helpful answers!

Sorry, I was going to type up a response but then I noticed your username and spent half an hour on Youtube listening to music.

Have this instead.

[Jackrabbit]

Sorry to say, yes. Check out the late Whiskermeister's thread.

[JuffBuckley]

Sorry to say, yes. Check out the late Whiskermeister's thread.

Ah yes, i know what you mean ;p

Sorry, I was going to type up a response but then I noticed your username and spent half an hour on Youtube listening to music.

Have this instead.

He's the best artist in the world no doubt!

[sobriquet]

a martial arts teacher of mine said something when I was going through a similar period of cognitive dissonance-- he was paraphrasing another student's words.

"Don't try to rush out and change the world.  Just simply be a good person."

[ChairmanPoo]

I was reminded of this:

Most people think, 'AngryBot, yeah, that guy's such a jerk' but what they don't understand is that they're the stupid idiots and maybe if they'd just stop breathing and die for a change I wouldn't be so angry all the time!

[Jackrabbit]

So it turns out WhiskerMeister was actually trolling.

There may be hope yet. Fear not.

[ed boy]

In repsonse to the original post:

Yes, it's more than than possible. Try to value the happiness of others as equal to or greater than your own. Don't limit it to those who you like and who like you, but the everybody, even if you don't like them. I'm not exactly a religous person, but there's a bible quote which I would advise everybody, even to most extreme atheist to follow:

Spoiler: Matthew 5:43-47 (click to show/hide)

You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?

[Jackrabbit]

And if you're not Christian, do it anyway sans the praying because there's too much hate in this world.

[Ullallulloo]

Yes, you can think you're nice and do nice things, and actually be selfish. It depends on why you're doing it. If you're doing it so people will think you're nice and to feel better about yourself, then those are selfish reasons; if you're doing it just to be nice and to help that person and because it's the right thing to do, then that's not selfish. (Sorry if I sound mean. I'm not really trying to.)

[ChairmanPoo]

bah, I find all that "love your enemies" lines silly. I dont think it's natural, or practical, to "love" those who would opress you. I dont think that being consumed by hatred is practical either, but at least it's a more reasonable reaction.
All in all, IMO the practical thing is avoiding strong feelings and keeping a cool head

[Jackrabbit]

I think it means treat them like you would any other human being (well), not that you have to put up with their shit. There are probably better interpretations out there,

"It's really more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules."
- Saint Barbarossa.

[ed boy]

As long as you stick with the spirit of it, you should be fine. I treated everybody (and I mean everybody) as if they were good friends of mine (even those who I disliked). It took time, and it was awkward and hard for a while, but it was more than worth it - since I started, I have had nothing but good relationships with others.