I don't know if this has been said or not, but your fort comes close to Undergrotto in scope.
Thanks guys, the feedback is always encouraging. Undergrotto is a personal inspiration of mine.
Just had to post to say that this is amazing and that it should definatly be in the hall of legends.
Well... *cough*... they do say it's tacky to submit your own fort...
OK, enough with the niceties, here's a story!
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The two dwarves were standing at the entrance to the front of the fort when the Liaison from the Mountainhome arrived.
"Ah, Duchess Sigun, so nice to see you again," the Liaison said, bowing. "And you must be the young new Mayor I've heard so much about." He shook Tekkud's hand heartily. "I trust all has been well since I saw you last?"
The two dwarves exchanged a glance. "Umm, yes, no problems at all," Tekkud stammered. "Really, nothing out of the ordinary, definitely didn't backstab any hu- oof!"
"What young Tekkud means to say is that we really have been doing well," the duchess said smoothly, surreptitiously removing her elbow from Tekkud's stomach. "And how were your travels? No trouble with goblins, I hope?" She grabbed the Liaison's arm and started leading him into the fort.
The Liaison, well-trained at keeping a straight face, hardly twitched a facial muscle at the Mayor's odd remark. "No trouble." With the Duchess leading the way into the massive fort, he politely discussed the hardships of the journey and other small talk. Soon, they were passing massive stockpiles of goods, filled to the brim with the dwarves' handiwork.
Then, something caught the Liaison's eye.
"Pardon me," he said delicately, "but... is that a human skull?"
Sitting in the middle of a side corridor was definitely a human skull.
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Later that day, the three dwarves gathered in the Duchess's chambers for a meeting.
"The humans were coming right for us," the Duchess explained. "It was a do-or-die situation. We had no choice."
The Liaison sighed. The humans had been a valuable ally against the goblins. The last thing they needed was to lose their support. "I see," he said. "How exactly were they attacking?"
"They dressed up like traders!" Tekkud exclaimed. "We almost fell for it."
"Traders?" The Liaison raised an eyebrow quizzically. "And how do you know they weren't just regular traders?"
The young Mayor thought for a moment. "They had weapons on their pack animals. And a bunch of fighters with them. Vicious camels, too."
"Were the weapons... for trade?" The Liaison asked. "It's not unusual to bring bodyguards when traveling with expensive goods."
"Oh no, definitely not," Tekkud said. "I mean, they were in the big bundles with everything else, but if they had untied the bundles, and then taken the weapons out of their scabbards, and then put on the armor... we would really have been in trouble!"
The Duchess rolled her eyes.
"So, what you're telling me is that you jumped a bunch of human traders and took their stuff?" The Liaison asked angrily.
"No," Tekkud said earnestly, "the magma got most of the stuff."
"The MAGMA?!" The Liaison exclaimed. "How did you defend yourself with magma?"
"Oh, we just dumped it right on their heads," Tekkud said.
"Turns out camels can't live in magma after all."
The Liaison slumped over in his chair and buried his head in his hands.
"I know, weird, right? But we found out some other stuff too!"
The Liaison glanced up at the Mayor.
"Did you know that Human's can't fly AT ALL? They just fall right down."
The Liaison buried his head back in his hands. The Duchess rolled her eyes again.
"And it turned out you can just bash them with a war hammer all day long, and they won't even fight back. Takes a sword to do any real damage!"
The Liaison grunted incoherently.
"We learned all of that!" Tekkud exclaimed.
"One more thing, actually." Sigun smiled wickedly. "Our siege operators have terrible aim."
The Liaison jumped to his feet. "The Siege operators?! Why would you let this happen?" he shrieked at the Duchess.
She shrugged. "We were bored."
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Topic: Rimslaughters: Fifteen Ways To Die (Read 20826 times)