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[Eagleon]

Analysis - Girl is lonely, lost in the crowd like leaves in fall. Facing the anonymity of the environment, she feels trapped in her situation (because she's in school, a classroom, where it would be socially awkward but not impossible to leave), and so do you. You too feel alone and misunderstood, a glorious and glistening rosebud in the spring of your tender years.

But together you can make it. Together, the light of a thousand suns casting two-thousand rainbows could not compare to your love, the chains rattling in your mind already, like effervescent keys on a great ring of possibility. Your basement may be dark and full of spiders, but there, together, you shall make your escape into the eternal and fantastic voyage that is marriage.

Also there are some lines on the page. They are blue and red. The page is white. That means America. Some of the page is torn and there are pre-cut holes in them. That means capitalism and mass-production is tearing apart our country.

[Retro]

WhiskerMeister is like ice cream during a diet. You know you shouldn't indulge, you know it's bad for you, but you can't help but indulge anyways because it's just so good. I mean, goddamn, he ought to teach trolling classes. I'm laughing my ass off here, even knowing full well that this is all bullshit. It's just so awesomely good/bad.

[Helmaroc]

i don't think you understood it. i suggest you read it again carefully and spend more than a few seconds parsing it. i've written analyses on its brilliance trying to figure out why it was so good so i can make another just like it. it's easily my magnum opus. i'm open to criticism but when your comments are clearly made simply because you didn't 'get' it i don't think that's constructive

I'm just hoping at some point you'll be all, "Haha, got you!" and we'll all hail you King of Sarcasm.

[inaluct]

The page is white. That means America.

+10000 points.

[ILikePie]

That means capitalism and mass-production is tearing apart our country.

Communism is overrated.

[Jackrabbit]

Goddamn it WhiskerMeister, your poem was not formatted to look like a penis. That might have forgiven everything.

Has anyone else noticed that all shitty emo poetry ends with 'alone'? Recurring theme. I guess terrible poet's minds think alike.

You're still a goldmine of hilarity though.

[Il Palazzo]

Goddamn it WhiskerMeister, your poem was not formatted to look like a penis. That might have forgiven everything.

Brilliant.
Myself, being the crude person I am, I'd just call it wanking off.
Or maybe masturbation. I'm at least that much of an erudite.

[Caesar]

It's okay, but awesome?
I'm sorry, I tend to be positive about another's work, sometimes even too positive, but awesome? Not quite.

You're talking about metaphors, and I'm not quite sure I could say any of those are real metaphors.
"Retreating Green, Receding joy" sounds pretty cool, but that's the best part in the poem, to my opinion.

The 'retreating green' might be a metaphor I don't get. It might be that I'm not native English, and it might be that I'm stupid, but please, explain; What would 'retreating green' be a metaphor for?


I've got to congratulate, though:
You made me read a piece of art (even shitty pieces of art are pieces of art, so it does not necessarily mean that it's awesomely artistic that I call it art) as an artist looking at an artists work, and not like a simple reader.
You made me analyze it, and I hate analyzing texts. It takes beauty out of them. (With very rare exceptions.)


One more thing: It's rather pessimistic, depressing and dark. Were you really planning on giving this to a girl you want to get close with? Bad idea. It's like handing Mein Kampf to a Jew, telling him that the book is about him.


Note to self: Yes, it is fun to reply fully serious to something that is obviously not serious, but you're overdoing it. Really. Go do something useful.

[Huesoo]

I'm way more witty and clever in real life than on the internet, I promise.

Same

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

she didn't say anything

She wants to fuck.

[Jackrabbit]

You could have given it to her and said "hey sweetheart, see this? See how it's shaped like a dick? Well this thread is dildos."

You don't get the chance to say that often enough in day to day life.

[Cthulhu]

This thread is one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

[ILikePie]

See how it's shaped like a dick?

I still don't get it. :-/

[Caesar]

See how it's shaped like a dick?

I still don't get it. :-/

I too tried so hard to force my teenager mind to recognize a dick in some way on the paper.
I failed.

[Eagleon]

The 'retreating green' might be a metaphor I don't get. It might be that I'm not native English, and it might be that I'm stupid, but please, explain; What would 'retreating green' be a metaphor for?

Fall. Or envy. No one is envious of a lonlry girl, especially not in America. It all ties together.

[WhiskerMeister]

here's one of several analyses i've wrote on that brilliant poem.

Spoiler: as per inaluct's request (click to show/hide)

Treatise on: my poem.

It's a deeply moving piece, evoking feelings of both sadness and frustration; anger and confusion. It's easily relatable.

The setting is quite simple; an observer gazes outside, relating her situation to that of the rain, ultimately transient, homogenous, indescribably 'unique' in her own way, but not so much as to stand out from the rest at a glance. She associates herself as one of the single rain drops, seperated from the others, one that will never find its way to a puddle or lake, doomed to a cycle of evaporation and condensation for eternity.

She will never join with another, nor will she ever incur another's love. So long has a barrier existed between her and the rest that to break it down would require  more than her strength alone. It seems ultimately bleak, hopeless -- the only solution to her problems would require another kind soul. She has long since given up on such a chance turn of events.

She's trapped, ostracized -- a girl both unable and unwilling to assimilate. If she tried, she may fail. By not making an effort, she avoids this. She's running away, fleeing; she's trapped herself away, invoked an isolation only she can break.

The typesetting of the poem reflects this. "I" always appears in lowercase, ever in contrast to "THEY", used in reference to everyone who is not her. With this choice, it becomes clear that isolation is inherently a frightening thing, but less frightening, less "big" than collation.

This doesn't stop her from questioning her state. She asks if we've forgotten about her; from her view, no one has ever tried to become close. No one has ever made an effort to befriend her and so she shifts the blame to us, 'THEM'. It's important to note the capitalization, it not only contrasts but also characterizes the words, it personifies them; they represent her emotions and the wall between herself and the rest.

"Rhythmic Tapping" is an interesting title, one that evokes a sense of routine. It s existence as a preface indeed sets a tone not visited again. As much as she may wonder, her thoughts adrift, she's ultimately convinced herself that she's content with things the way they are. She believes that she doesn't want friends, that not having them is 'normal for her'; she seeks isolation because it is the only thing she has ever known, a pattern she ultimately deigns to continue, making no effort to diverge from the expected.

The use of spacing is integral to the poem. By grouping like statements and seperating powerful words from the rest, it can only strengthen the feelings behind each carefully staggered stanza.

It is a tale of utter betrayal, of lost friendship, of despair and finally belonging -- or lack thereof.

also here's my notes and the original copy of the poem (i showed you my 'good' copy; this is the one i used for planning, on ugly graph paper. i have another copy i made as a practice one for the real one. poetry is hard. also i scanned it in at 150 dpi so it's not huge anymore. sorry about the illegible writing, but as it's a draft i'm the only one who was supposed to see it. hopefully you guys will get a better understanding of the feelings i poured into my work, at least.)

You're talking about metaphors, and I'm not quite sure I could say any of those are real metaphors.
"Retreating Green, Receding joy" sounds pretty cool, but that's the best part in the poem, to my opinion.

hey, that's one of my favorite parts too. it sounds kind of ominous. anyway, it meant to mean that, as she was comparing herself to the world beyond the window (i never specify the window, it's part of what makes it so great), she notices the grass is dying off as winter approaches, the bleak skies encompassing and overtaking what was once beautiful. she too, like a flower, has wilted -- she feels as though she's missed her chance to make friends, that she's spent too long alone.