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[dwarfguy2]

you're a hero, living in a land of epics and magic, dragons and princesses, demons and quite possibly aliens (though you haven't gotten to that game yet). you are wearing your trademark blue overalls, red shirt, red cap with your initials on it, and of course an awesome mustache. your brother is out at the nintendopia university school play (he's playing the rock). your name?



MARIO.
what do you do?
oh, you're at your house. you just woke up. your brother left you a note on the table telling you he's left to be a "kindly earth spirit". ah, luigi. always trying to steal the spotlight.

[breadbocks]

First, check in the castle. If Peach is there, hit on her. If she isn't, don't go rescue her. Honestly, she gets captured WAY to much for comfort. Let her realize how stupid she is for getting captured. While she is doing that, go curb-stomp a few goombas.

[dwarfguy2]

peach's castle? hm.... gonna be a toughy. see, while bowser's captured peach, they're appointed to guard duty there. when he's not, they go there for breaks. so basically there are always monsters out there. you go outside, walk up to the familiar formation of flying platforms, and jump on one goomba and defoot the other, knocking him down and having him collapse on the ground in a bloody heap. he's dead, but still poisonous to the touch of every part except, for some reason, the feet. oh hey, there's a koopa.

[iceball3]

Become friends with the koopa. At any sign of hostility, negotiate with asking "How much do you get paid?" and "Is it really worth it?"

[dwarfguy2]

Become friends with the koopa. At any sign of hostility, negotiate with asking "How much do you get paid?" and "Is it really worth it?"

really? when he just saw you bloodily murder two of his CLOSEST FRIENDS?

[iceball3]

Do you really think the koopas would care about goombas, even through all the grudges? Remember the time:
The spinning koopa shell strikes the goomba. It explodes in gore! x8
The goomba has ben struck down x8

[dwarfguy2]

Do you really think the koopas would care about goombas, even through all the grudges? Remember the time:

bowser's forces are very tight-knit with all their whining about stuff like "you just murdered my father by forcing him to painfully melt into lava" and "you jsust KILLED MY SON WITH PART OF MY F%^&ING SPINE" making them think it's best to make as many friends as possible because you lose them so quickly.

[breadbocks]

Ah. Well, kill the koopa, and put the shell on your back, and sneak through the rest of the guard, ignoring any cries of "Hey, [Koopa's Name]".

[dwarfguy2]

Ah. Well, kill the koopa, and put the shell on your back, and sneak through the rest of the guard, ignoring any cries of "Hey, [Koopa's Name]".

you jump on that obnoxious turtle. you think about wearing the shell, before realizing it's toxic, and besides, it's part of the spine, how would you get it off the koopa?

[breadbocks]

Remember that koopa blood contains the anti-toxin, drain the koopa dry, and rip the body apart from the shell.

Ah. Well, kill the koopa, and put the shell on your back, and sneak through the rest of the guard, ignoring any cries of "Hey, [Koopa's Name]".

[dwarfguy2]

Remember that koopa blood contains the anti-toxin, drain the koopa dry, and rip the body apart from the shell.

Ah. Well, kill the koopa, and put the shell on your back, and sneak through the rest of the guard, ignoring any cries of "Hey, [Koopa's Name]".

will do! you drain the koopa blood, filter the anti-toxin out, inject it into you, tear off the shell, tear all the koopa out of the shell, and put it on. and it only took you the better part of the day!

[breadbocks]

Sneak through the rest of the guard, ignoring any cries of "Hey, [Koopa's Name]".

[dwarfguy2]

you sneak in, making your usual stop at the nintedopia underground bank, and are standing by the flag of the kingdom when suddenly you sight a young, green-clad boy slashing down some grass. how peculiar. suddenly he charges out at you yelling out "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ZELDA, FIEND!?" you successfully dodge his crude wooden blade.

[iceball3]

copy him in his words and movements.

[breadbocks]

Take off the shell, and offer it to him, telling him how it works, and giving him some of the extra anti-toxin. Tell him where the princesses are kept, because you've been to this castle so many time rescuing your own princess, and give him the plot advancing boomerang, which you got a while ago.