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[MaximumZero]

That's Darth Vader, Max, not a printer.

[hops]

I find the soothing piano and orchestra go well with murder.

[Eric Blank]

I'm in a pretty serious relationship and I can tell you, the porn never stops.

[Yoink]

Oh wait. I accidentally turned that man into a thalidomide baby.

I would go there and ask questions about horses on treadmills.

So you're outsourcing your dishwashing to a pub?

I'm so forgetful, I forget other people's heads.

I am actually pretty damn sexy for a drug-addled degenerate with mediocre aspirations.

[Arx]

I had a bit of difficulty getting it erect yesterday and today it's all sore.

[scrdest]

So, telling my niece (she's 21) what I did, through her bedroom door.

Me: I got rid of the body.
Her: Ok, Thanks.
Me: But I left the head sitting outside your door.
Her: WHAT?

[Loud Whispers]

What magma through yonder non-magma safe floodgate breaks?

[RedKing]

Because friendship is two friends munching on a well-cooked face together!

[Knit tie]

I am the swag lord, ruler of the swaginion, swagmonger of all I swagvey, the greatest swagstrosity of the swag winds, swagocalypse made swagifest. Where I step, great pillars of swag erupt and fall silent, spreading swag in my path, laying waste the world around me, burying it under mountains of magical swag, mundane swag, and all sorts of swag in between. They have named seven plagues after me, each of which turns a different vital organ into the physical manifestation of the platonic ideal of swag, for which there is no cure and whom the victims are rendered down into their component parts to fuel the furnaces of my swagtories. Seventy seven nations have fallen to me, each throwing themselves at my mercy with swagplications of the most sinuous swag, all to be rejected and brought into my inventory, to be vendor'd off in my eternal search for more swag and the sweet aurum bullion that drives it ever onward. The era that my party crushes beneath its boots would be known as the Infinite Glories of Swag, were there anything left to record its annuals. But there is not.

Look into my eyes, ye' fallen, and know that it is not your form that reflects within them, but your inventory, spread forth and winnowed into its most slot efficient division, inevitably hauled off and sold to a short hairy midget.

[Mr Space Cat]

It means that if she is ever diagnosed, the planet will be engulfed in a cataclysmic annihilation explosion, vaporizing it and sending a flood of neutrinos to neighboring star systems as a warning against ever doing that again.

[GiglameshDespair]

Are you saying that this guy ejaculates wolves?

[Frumple]

The square-cube law is the only thing that gives me hope, some days.

[Mr Space Cat]

I just realised something. All this wolf-ejaculation made me think.

[BFEL]

choosing "your favourite tasting lunch" could seriously hurt other people and cause significant misery.

[darkpaladin109]

17:24   <Kagus>: Goat-staring isn't something you can just rush into.

17:29   <Shinotsa>: So it's kindoflike having a giant penis and bludgeoning people with it while flailing around?