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[Armok]

A sandworm attacks Rincewind!

[NUKE9.13]

Fine. I SUMMON SAMURAI JACK.

Jack appears, magic blade in hand, and prepares to defend Rincewind from any attackers. I mean really, what made you think Jack would attack an unarmed opponent?

I have an idea that might work slightly better: I present a foe, you all explain how Rincewind survives the fight.

So... how does Rincewind survive being protected by samurai jack?

Rincewind makes sarcastic comments on the nature of heroism and the futility of trying to change history; trust him, he's tried often enough.
Jack's stoicism is eventually worn down by Rincewinds constant pessimism and he leaves in disgust.

Like that?

[Armok]

I second NUKE.

[RAM]

Rincewind runs behind Samuri Jack and begins to grab some nearby rocks to throw.

No no no. You can just tell the Jack is going to attract all sorts of trouble. I mean, sure, it start well enough, dangerous-looking fellow, good with a sword, willing to defend the innocent... But soon enough you have some sort of destiny cropping up, all manner of assassins hired to stop it, before long there will be some sort of archfiend of villainy and a terrible horde sent to stop them. And things just go downhill from there...

Rincewind sees this as the obvious trap that it is and runs away. Not the rampant 'there is a dragon trying to eat me' sort of running away, just the subtle, 'I would really rather not still be here when things get interesting' sort of scurrying...

[Armok]

Rincewind sees this as the obvious trap that it is and runs away. Not the rampant 'there is a dragon trying to eat me' sort of running away, just the subtle, 'I would really rather not still be here when things get interesting' sort of scurrying...

THIIIIIIIS!

[dragnar]

Samurai Jack is defeated! Or something similar at least...

Unfortunately for Rincewind, as he runs away from Jack a horde of sand-people leap up from behind some nearby boulders. What will he do now?!

[breadbocks]

Goes Emo. You can't kill sand people.

[Meanmelter]

Jump off the cliff behind him, pray something will break his fall.

[NUKE9.13]

Goes Emo. You can't kill sand people.

He's had dozens of years of not being able to kill stuff. Trust me he's used to it.

Jump off the cliff behind him, pray something will break his fall.

Well no. See: The Light Fantastic. If Rincewind falls of a cliff, something will break his fall. If, however, he is expecting something to break his fall, it won't (and he will die). He must, at all times, attempt to survive in a logical and sensible fashion.

Rincewind surrenders, listens to their leader whine on for five minutes about him trespassing on ancient ground, yada yada yada, then fills his socks with their bodies.

[Meanmelter]

Rincewind surrenders, listens to their leader whine on for five minutes about him trespassing on ancient ground, yada yada yada, then fills his socks with their bodies

[dragnar]

Wait what? How the heck would he fit sand people in a sock?

[breadbocks]

Wait what? How the heck would he fit sand people in a sock?

Well, You could be simply AMAZED at how much sand can go in one sock. If you layered them 5 on one foot and did that for two feet, you could fit a whole army of sand people in your socks.

[dragnar]

But... sand people aren't made of sand... Bah, whatever. Rincewind now has a sock full of sand people.

Rincewind manages to reach a town. Unfortunately, the cast of 8-bit theater is in the same town. How will he escape!?

[Armok]

tell Figher somehting that will triger a chain reaction of recursive meta-stupidity.

[breadbocks]

It happens to be the town 8-bit was in at the time Fighter was breeding the Gold Chocobo.