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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 940009 times)

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1335 on: July 22, 2011, 05:49:41 am »

Quote
I don't know how to make a cat crossbow, but when I do I'll certainly make one.  I saw a link once about syndrome-inducing missiles, I have no idea where, but I'm pretty sure it can be modded in.

See if you can give cats some sort of "ammo" tag.  THAT should make things interesting.

Quote
That Aussie Dwarf on the other hand seems completely bedridden.  He's the one who couldn't stand, and is still in traction right now but I hope he'll take up a crutch pretty soon.

Hmm, The place is going to hell with rampant murder and treason in the corridors and I'm in a nice warm bed with, presumably, a working trigger finger and crossbow.  I think I'll stay in the bed.

Michael_Almeida

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1336 on: July 22, 2011, 05:56:58 am »

Wow, my dorfs are really embracing the spirit of things. o.o May I have another, sir?

Dorf Name: Boozedorf III
Gender: Male
Profession: Axedwarf
Custom profession name: Dead Dorf
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COMPETENT MODDER
ADEQUATE DRAWER
LEGENDARY PROCRASTINATOR
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dariush

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1337 on: July 22, 2011, 06:27:12 am »

Are you absolutely sure you don't intend to kill every named dwarf?

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1338 on: July 22, 2011, 06:37:43 am »

Are you absolutely sure you don't intend to kill every named dwarf?

Considering my dwarf's bedridden and crippled, I think he'd be long-dead if Seth planned to do that.

arcangelsd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1339 on: July 22, 2011, 07:26:29 am »

arcangelsd has the right idea, we can make pamphlets to attract the migrants.  "Come to Failcannon, where every day alive is an adventure!"  It wouldn't be all that much lying.

Yay! My audience with Overseer Sethcreyd went better than expected! He let me make and hang my "Fortress Motivational posters" YAY
In his honour, I'll quote him in the first one of all:
And while I was admiring my work, Captain Aik passed by and I asked him for an opinion
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'll take it as an "They need more work"
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Did we just made reality itself commit suicide?
I think that sentence describes all of Failcannon.

Karakzon

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1340 on: July 22, 2011, 10:26:30 am »

lol....

least by the end of this the millatery wont give a damn and it shouldnt happen again.
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1341 on: July 22, 2011, 11:24:16 am »

lol....

least by the end of this the millatery wont give a damn and it shouldnt happen again.

I'm surprised EVERY dwarf in the fort doesn't have "Doesn't really care about anything anymore" by now.

Teneb

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1342 on: July 22, 2011, 12:52:00 pm »

lol....

least by the end of this the millatery wont give a damn and it shouldnt happen again.

I'm surprised EVERY dwarf in the fort doesn't have "Doesn't really care about anything anymore" by now.
Well, there are the migrants and the huge death rate of old dwarfs.

EDIT: Seth, could you change my profession name to "Loyalist"?
« Last Edit: July 22, 2011, 12:59:19 pm by Deathsword »
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1343 on: July 22, 2011, 05:55:00 pm »

I suggest we take the happiest, loneliest, and most jaded dwarves in the fort, seal them in one of our many food stockpiles (and maybe annex the dining hall, a muddied area for a farm, and some materials for workshops), and let nature take its course for the rest of them, Highlander-style.
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davros

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1344 on: July 22, 2011, 06:43:13 pm »

I would seal away just one dwarf with a farm plot, food to survive on until the crops have grown, a pick, and an axe.
Don't ever let him out, because if the outside goes bad, he can be used as a migrant magnet.
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Quote from: Malarauko
I had an above ground garden built in the grounds of my castle and two young dwarves spent time socialising there over the summer and at the end of the summer they were in love. Remember those long summers of your childhood? That first kiss in the gardens while crossbows dwarves shoot goblins above your head? The rain of dead birds as the hunters get to work? Truly Spearhills is a paradise.

LordSlowpoke

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1345 on: July 22, 2011, 06:44:57 pm »

I suggest we take the happiest, loneliest, and most jaded dwarves in the fort, seal them in one of our many food stockpiles (and maybe annex the dining hall, a muddied area for a farm, and some materials for workshops), and let nature take its course for the rest of them, Highlander-style.

I've set up both of my houses just for the purpose. However, trying to get a farm working in the first one was the entire source of the Flooding of 529. I'm honestly ready to give that away for SCIENCE! and such. All that's missing is a stuff stockpile, but we can annex my nearby mausoleum for that given as it's rebuilt somewhere else.
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SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1346 on: July 23, 2011, 02:31:07 am »

arcangelsd has the right idea, we can make pamphlets to attract the migrants.  "Come to Failcannon, where every day alive is an adventure!"  It wouldn't be all that much lying.

Yay! My audience with Overseer Sethcreyd went better than expected! He let me make and hang my "Fortress Motivational posters" YAY
In his honour, I'll quote him in the first one of all:
And while I was admiring my work, Captain Aik passed by and I asked him for an opinion
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I'll take it as an "They need more work"

That picture keeps making me laugh, it really shows the essence of this place.  arcangelsd is ecstatic right now despite missing a leg and his only negative thought is from being upset that a criminal could not be properly punished recently, which seems to be a common concern among the dwarves and one I share.

We're well prepared to secure any able-minded dwarves in case of a total catastrophe.  I don't think we're in full-blown apocalypse mode just yet, but in the interest of caution I've identified a few good spots to sequester survivors in addition to the house:


Robocorn's Hall is overflowing with prepared food and enough plump helmets for sustainable farming.  It can be sealed from within by the bridge, has a great bedroom, and the wall can be broken down and rebuilt to allow access to irrigated sand.  The only drawback will be rebuilding that wall, and that can be done when the undead are elsewhere to minimize the danger.


The Tomb of LucusCasius has access to a strange muddied hallway with some underground trees and plants, while the tomb itself has a small stockpile of food and stone for building workshops.  It wouldn't be an ideal situation but a survivable one.  It looks like someone was prepared to be buried alive.


Finally there's the entirety of Lower Failcannon.  That's where most of the prepared food is stored, and there are forges, beds, workshops and a dining hall.  There's muddy ground thanks to the laboratory, access to water, and the whole place can be sealed off with a lead bridge, but its size makes it more difficult to filter in the dwarves we want to keep safe.  It's also right next to the Ocean of Slime and the majority of Aluonra's FB population.

We have several options, and hopefully we don't have to take one yet.  If it gets really bad we can always send dwarves to all the safe spots and wait out the trouble.  Statistics say at least one of them should survive.

Whatever happens, don't rely on Tupu for a solo survival.  He can't do civilian work anymore.  I don't even know how he's still holding the hammer and shield, but he can't carve bones anymore.



The bronze chain I'd heard so much about was lying on the ground beneath the ghostly dwarf looking sadly about the small room in which his body lay.

"Yes?" he intoned as I entered the room.  "What do you want?"

"I was curious.  A dwarf named Andreus said you were the ghost of a god."

With bitter eyes, the ghost looked down at himself.  "I am a mortal soul now," he said.

"But before?"

"Before I was Lur Thiefwitch, the Jealous God, the Spire of Zeal.  But before no longer matters.  There is no after.  Soon there will be no before.  You and I shall meet in the oblivion after time in equal nothingness."

I nodded to myself.  A forlorn haunt if I've ever seen one.  They like to mope around their bodies and ruminate their past lives, and this one seems to have a bout of dementia to deal with.  I tried to get more out of him but he is quite detached from rationality and so I left him to his quiet ramblings.  He might be in there for a while, since we have to quarantine the area and I don't know when I'll get around to a memorial.  There's just not enough time in a day.


1st Hematite


The butcher with a fondness for tainted meat has died from fever, shocking many without a basic understanding of hygiene.  We buried his body after dumping it a puddle of water outside to rinse off.

Most of the dwarves here are migrants from the past few years, according to these records.  Very few dwarves live more than couple years at Failcannon, so there's a healthy mix of jaded dwarves who seen it all and the innocent waiting to be traumatized.  By now the good soldiers are near fully desensitized to tragedy, and while a good portion of angry recruits remain, the in-fighting is good for a variety of combat skills to rise, and I hope that soon they won't be complaining about the draft anymore.  Sparring, Battlefailed style.

At any rate, with some intentionally misdirecting orders I was able to trap Aik in a closet long enough to convince her to disarm.  Failcannon falls quieter now that the disgruntled workers are either dead or hospitalized.  Perturbed as I am by the sanguine methods employed by our security, they appear to have weeded discontent out of our ranks, for now, at least, and so we may return to our important work.


Poet has assumed the aspect of one fey, and was locked inside one of the cloth houses, where he's to stay until turning the entirety of that stockpile into whatever it is that he's making.  Most fey dwarves stick with one or two pieces of their artifact's main component pieces, but not Poet: he's not allowed to!  Whatever he's coming up with, he's officially mandated to make it as elaborate as dwarvenly possible.


And please Poet, nothing useless.  If you waste all that cloth, you're Uristein's new assistant.


Hematite 3

Uristein reports a breakthrough in bone block making.  By pulverizing the bones and using a cartilaginous plaster we are finally able to use our vast collection of skeletons for something besides decoration.  Things may be taking a somewhat unorthodox turn here at Failcannon, but there's nothing macabre about using your resources, and if there's one thing we have in abundance, it's bones.


The possibilities are endless.


Hematite 9

Poet has finally finished gathering all the cloth in that tiny room so he was let out for some fresh air.  He went to the surface and returned with the gargantuan bones of some creature we slaughtered a while ago.  I still have no idea what he's making but it may turn out to be the most incredible bathrobe in all of history.  I'm keeping those fingers crossed.



Hematite 16

Almost all of those wounded during the trouble are back on their feet, more or less.  Our doctors must be exceptional, I've never seen a dwarf allowed to use an artifact crutch before.  I think Greader may actually prefer it to his leg.


The only people still showing their signs of unhappiness are the children who haven't any parents to keep them in line.  Filthywalrus has been especially petulant since the passing of her mother.  I've never had to console an orphan before so I'm rather hoping the problem disappears on its own.


Hematite 22



Hematite 24



Hematite 28

At last Poet unveiled his masterpiece.  Let's see what he finally finished.


A pig tail fiber bag depicting much of the history of Dastog Cog's nobility leading up to the foundation of Failcannon.  Notable images include the foundation of Battlefailed, the conquest of the goblins in 111, the first dwarven king of year 1, lots of renditions of Tuftedfatal the Roughness of Roaring the adamantine spear, the ascension of Queen Led, goblins falling to their death, dwarves dying of thirst, numerous renditions of the goddess Enshal, and pictures of various artifacts, including itself.

I dunno.  It's a bit plain.  Needs more cow bone.


Hematite 28








Goblin attack.  Tupu has single-handedly dealt with a squad of archers and their trolls.  Heh.


A toothless, jolly old maddwarf was killed by the bridge he was building outside.  Rest in peace Felcis.


Other than this, Dete took an arrow to the left hand but it's just a flesh wound.  There were no other casualties.  Goblin corpses closest to the gate have been collected for block making.  Goblins throw their dead up on pikes to scare off invaders, but here we are far more resourceful.  We have a city to build!


Galena 2


With her mother and father both dead, Filthywalrus is considerably distressed and there's no one to look after her.  Naturally she found her way to the upper level of the fort where the new trade access bridge is under construction.

The thing about bridges is that while they require less raw material than solid floors, they're also much easier to destroy, especially when you're the bulkiest three-year old this side of the Windy World.  I sighed and prepared myself for the rebuilding of even more architecture and the engraving of several new headstones.


This time, however, the target was not the bridge, but Elderont, who was thrown and plummeted four stories into the reeking ocean and nearly drowned to death.  He managed to crawl out of the water before passing out from a fractured wrist and was taken to the hospital where he's since remained.  I tried building a kitchen in the hospital for him but there just isn't any room.


It's only a matter of time before the guards come for Filthywalrus.  I'll do what I can to protect her but the day will arrive.  Luckily there are still many unclaimed coffins in the mortuary.


Galena 18

A human caravan pulled into our gates and unloaded their junk in the Depot.  We'll purchase a variety of metals and gems in exchange for goblin clothes and wooden arrows.  They're a different bunch of traders than last year's, I suppose that medicine was no help after all.


LordSlowpoke is unhappy to be locked out of her own quarters.  She just doesn't understand the concept of "quarantine."  I'd send her off the Diving Board a few times as a lesson in manners but kids never sit still long enough.


Galena 20


See?  Filthywalrus destroyed a bridge!  I knew I wasn't just being paranoid!



She fell in the same waters that claimed boozedwarf and Draconik last year while building that very bridge.  The ramps we dug after that incident have saved the girl's life.  They might appreciate knowing their deaths weren't completely in vain.  Here is where I'd make a contemptous remark about Fate's sense of fun but I wouldn't want it proved correct.


Filthywalrus swam to the shore, drenched and smelly and angry, but alive.  I decided to lock her outside for her own safety.  There she can harm no one, and more importantly, no one can harm her, unless a sea monster comes out of the ocean or something, but no matter what horrors lay deep in the Blueness, until the Fortress Guard decides to make use of the pleasant new prison she's far better off staying put.


Sprout the Surgeon ended the day by shooting a few bolts at Filthywalrus' older sister Gilgameshclone in the memorial hall.  The eight year old has lost full use of her arm, and was rescued by DorvenEngineering and Kaamanen, the latter of whom did the stitches.  Normally that would be Sprout's job, but for some reason I don't really trust her near kids at the moment.


I miss the Sprout from six months ago, who would lovingly carve the rotting tissue from Gilgameshclone's bare, filthy feet.  The Sprout here and now would probably hack at them until she found an artery.  Isn't it amazing what time can do to a person?


Galena 21

You'll pay for this, LordSlowpoke!


Sprout's daughter continues to act out.  The plump helmet spawns not far from the field, it seems.  It took all the willpower I have not to teach the little marauder why one does not punch the dwarf with an axe.  Still, one has to applaud her daring.  She'll make a fine villainess one day, if she somehow survives to adulthood.


Galena 24

Today I got some bad news.


Painiac lost his temper dealing with the greedy humans and decided one of them needed a bolt in the chest.  Well, the other humans took this unkindly and the marksdwarf was soon full of arrows himself, and since no one was sure what was happening, the entire militia rushed to our trader's aid.


From what I understand of the scuffle, Xenos lost a hand,



but Tupu avenged her,



Kaamanen got his first kill,



Strategia improved her aim,



and all the humans are dead, so yes, another fine day for foreign relations.  I guess human bone blocks are on the menu.  If any good came out of this disaster, it's that all of the soldiers are now ecstatic from the joyful slaughter and all just a bit closer to not caring about anything anymore.


This is how we train here at Failcannon.  We don't need archery targets and Danger Rooms and other such frills.  We just get into lots of fights and let the skills develop themselves.  That's the thing about a place like this.  Tupu is the prime example of what we're capable of.  He's been here longer than almost any of us, has fought off goblins, monsters and the undead.  Has survived unbelievable injury.  Has endured much trauma and seen much death.  And still he fights on, unfettered by circumstance.  It would take the legions of the Underworld to stop him, and even they'd need earn their prize.

At a place like this, only the most exceptional people survive.  If these folk live long enough to ever see Queen Led arrive, she'll be surrounded by the most vicious, bloodthirsty, hard-to-kill dwarves outside of a goblin tower, and many of them have a grudge against her.  And she is not a spring chicken.

I doubt Queen Led will ever come here.


Galena 25


For once LordSlowpoke, I agree with you.  Mountain-King doesn't deserve such a nice coffin.  This mess was all his fault to begin with.  And Ledi's too.  Which reminds me, I meant to find out if gabbro is magma-safe.



Galena 28

I passed a dead baby in the hall on my way to Lower Failcannon this morning.  Grath was understandably unable to feed the child since her murder.  The baby's father Elt was unable to feed the child on account of it being "not my bloody concern," as he put it.


They say you can judge the worth of a people by how they take care of their offspring.  With this in mind I'm tempted to let the goblins take our last kids away in the hopes of providing them a better life.  Anywhere, literally anywhere would be safer than here.


I want to pull that lever so badly right now, but the sign says I'll regret it.  It could only add to the list.
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Dariush

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1347 on: July 23, 2011, 02:46:59 am »

Quote
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tell me you didn't destroy half of my 'FUCK YOU' sign. NOW.

SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1348 on: July 23, 2011, 03:10:43 am »

Sorry Dariush.  I intend to rebuild it.  Actually, the cave-in of the "YOU" was what put Dariush III in traction, now that I think about it.

But yes, it's down to this
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Dariush

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1349 on: July 23, 2011, 04:22:48 am »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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