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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 939407 times)

Zeocin

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #405 on: December 13, 2010, 12:23:45 pm »

Wait.. if I'm reading that right... Was the Lobster wielding a pig tail fiber cloak, with which it was beating sword dwarves to death? Cause that's hardcore, and shows just how much of a "Chuck Norris" Derm is for taking down a fabric brandishing crustacean of unusual size... WITH HIS BARE HANDS
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Dermonster

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #406 on: December 13, 2010, 12:29:10 pm »

I know it's like Towersoared all over again. Except much more awesome because I don't even bother using a weapon.
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I can do anything I want, as long as I accept the consequences.
"Y'know, my favorite thing about being a hero is that it gives you all kinds of narrative justification to just slay any ol' jerk who gets in the way - Black Mage.
"The bulk of [Derm]'s atrocities seem to stem from him doing things that [Magic] doesn't actually do." - TvTropes
"Dammit Derm!" - You, if I'm doing it right.
Moved to SufficientVelocity / Spacebattles.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #407 on: December 13, 2010, 01:36:58 pm »

You are more deserving of my username than I.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #408 on: December 13, 2010, 02:07:29 pm »

You are more deserving of my username than I.

You say that now...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: December 13, 2010, 02:09:42 pm by SethCreiyd »
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SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #409 on: December 13, 2010, 04:44:16 pm »

Journal of Sethrist Cosmopaddles, Alchemist


I am throwing up every five minutes.  It's been like this for a week, so that's how long it's been since I slept.  My guts emptied themselves long ago, now all that comes up is bile.

This all started when I got that lobster's goo all over me.  If Derm and I survive this ordeal, I'm going to harm him.  I'm certain that the monster's blood is toxic, and responsible for the stomach ailment vexing a sixth of the populace.


Six dwarves have been stationed in the hospital area.  Their only task is to clean away blood, vomit, and any other residue that may be contaminated.  They may leave only to eat.

The implications of this disturb me.  Fortress records indicate there are many strange similar entities in the caverns around us.  Was a creature such as this lobster responsible for the plague that ruined Battlefailed?  Was such a creature responsible for its mysterious failure?


I made sure that there's no way for THAT to get into the fort.



Foul kinsman of Stuzang, the infernal mayfly tore up the stairwell, bent on killing everything in sight.  Fortunately, a young soldier named Urist had other plans.


At last, we've completed the necessary security bridges, so that means no more unnanounced guests.  With any luck, we can now proceed to --






WHAAT!?


Urist came across this monstrosity stinging Cheese in the torso repeatedly while the poor dwarf lay helpless in the monster's claws.  The scorpion continued its attack on Cheese despite Urist's assault, until finally:


NOW then, can we actually get back to work?



Of course not!


This fortress will be the death of me.


The creature headed straight for the smithy.  Urist was there, dressing in new equipment, and was the first to engage the monster.



It seems that it was wise to provide the soldiers with truemetal.  The results have been spectacular.  And now, at long last, after an entire day of fighting wretched abominations from the deep, the halls have grown quiet.  The danger has passed.

Scouts have unearthed an ancient structure near the stairwell.  The passage leads to a great underground sea of pearly white 'stuff.'  I need to find out what it does.

The stench was overwhelming, but I ordered the scouts to press on.  They unearthed something else.




I am beginning to understand what drives a dwarf to madness.



As the wretched thing fell to the ground with one final roar, the stench began to fade.  the mist began to clear.


I hope to find out who built this place, and for what purpose.  At this time, I'm simply glad to have stopped vomitting.  When the military is fully equipped, we will send an expedition into the caverns to determine exactly what secrets the Plains of Ooze are keeping.


Excellent.




You know what?  I'm going to bed.  Wake me up if everyone dies.
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #410 on: December 13, 2010, 05:01:05 pm »

Quote from: MS Paint Adventures
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things are looking up for us.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Mountain-King

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #411 on: December 13, 2010, 05:27:59 pm »

oh god it never ends

by my turn we will have more forgotten beasts than we do dwarves
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dragonshardz

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #412 on: December 13, 2010, 05:33:52 pm »

Did...did I kill a forgotten beast?

cappstv

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #413 on: December 13, 2010, 06:33:29 pm »

My god, FailCannon always had a lot of forgotten beast, but we never had them like this.
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The French were adept of the "Losing is Fun" philosophy long before Dwarf Fortress.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #414 on: December 13, 2010, 06:34:45 pm »

So far it's been Forgotten Beasts as far as the eye can see.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Dermonster

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #415 on: December 13, 2010, 06:39:33 pm »

My kills were still better.

I was unarmed, then armed But still chose to use my fists.
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I can do anything I want, as long as I accept the consequences.
"Y'know, my favorite thing about being a hero is that it gives you all kinds of narrative justification to just slay any ol' jerk who gets in the way - Black Mage.
"The bulk of [Derm]'s atrocities seem to stem from him doing things that [Magic] doesn't actually do." - TvTropes
"Dammit Derm!" - You, if I'm doing it right.
Moved to SufficientVelocity / Spacebattles.

SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #416 on: December 14, 2010, 01:13:58 am »

Journal Excerpts Con't


I woke up this morning.  I guess that means we killed the fucker that broke my smelter.


I am left with two options.  I can wall off this bridge to an unexplored lake of evil-tempered toxins whence these monsters seem to be coming from, or, I can assemble a team of dwarves and charge across into the cavern to uncover whatever is hiding there.

It wasn't really a choice at all.  Soon as the Conquerors of Earth were prepared, we stormed into the cave.  I had to lead the expedition myself.  If something of value is found, I must be there to claim it!

Before venturing too far off the bridge, we stumbled across our first obstacle -- or rather, it stumbled across us.


Otik's Breath... it was horrible.  The worst thing I've ever seen or smelt.  Words fail to contain the tears it brought to my eyes through my nostrils.  But now it is slain, and we are cleaning up and reforming before heading on further into the caves, and Derm is a step closer to that house I've been thinking about.


LOOK OUT


(The rest of the page is covered in forgotten vomit.)


*     *     *

The first thing Sethrist noticed about the Ocean of Slime was that it was very warm.  He then noticed he was drowning.  It was by virtue of his uncanny intuition and not his enfeebled eyesight that he noticed the ponderous glass-spider quickly approaching through what he would generously refer to as 'the water.'


Sethrist did not know how to swim, but he was quite skilled at getting away from things that could obviously kill him.


As he slowly paddled away to safety, the glass being closed in on hellbored.  The flesh was quickly parted from his bones in the corrosive liquid around him.


When the monster emerged, hungry for the blood of more dwarves, the fortress guards were there at the shoreline to greet it.  Urist, who had fallen in the sea, ignored the layer of slime coating him as he battled the nightmarish spider, much easier to spot now outside of the water.


The fight was finished before Sethrist finally managed to pull himself out of the muck.


'I feel fine,' he thought.  And he did.  'But all the same,' he thought, 'we'd better get checked out, so we know what we're dealing with.'  And so the soldiers who had fallen in the poison sea formed up for a final inspection before getting ordered to the hospital for evaluation.


On their own power, they failed to make it past the bridge.

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EmeraldWind

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #417 on: December 14, 2010, 02:00:43 am »

What the heck is going on in here all of a sudden!? Did you set down a fort on the Forgotten Beast Fair Grounds or something. Yikes.

I love how the Plains of Ooze has a massive cavern filled with Unmentionable Yuck underneath it... wait... Didn't that happen to the previous fort, too? Talk about a sequel, right. Next thing you know Stuzang will show up... which would raise this fort to a level of awesome beyond that of any single fort.

Also, my dwarf got his head caved in by a cloak-wielding three-eyed lobster. NEAT! That's just the kind of death I was hoping for, it made me laugh.

Continue the descent into madness that is FailCannon!
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We do not suffer from insanity. We enjoy every single bit of it.

LordSlowpoke

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #418 on: December 14, 2010, 08:06:30 am »

So much awesome going on, and the hammerlord's sitting in the prison, chained.

That stuff calls for revenge when he gets out.
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #419 on: December 14, 2010, 08:41:13 am »

WHICH URIST IS ME
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!
Pages: 1 ... 26 27 [28] 29 30 ... 189