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Total Members Voted: 319

[Robocorn]

Hmm, when reading the original Battlefailed I was kind of dissapointed.
You guys had a fortress next to an ocean and no-one even tried turning the ocean into an obsidian fortress? How dare you call yourselves dwarves!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Or is it impossible to turn ocean water into obsidian? in that case: My most sincere apologies. You should've replaced the ocean water with some other kind of water!

We had trouble getting the magma to the surface, we were too busy dying and having our pump stacks broken and flooded.

[Mekboy]

So the previous overseer came and shoved a load of paperwork into my hands, saying ‘Screw this, you take over’. Finally. I knew my natural talent would shine through. So let’s have a look at this fort...

THE HELL?
Where is anything? Where’s the mason’s workshops? And the mechanics? And the booze? Also, why’s no-one doing anything?



I quickly sorted through the jobs, sorting them into two kinds of dorf: useful and not. The useful dorfs got ordered to do nothing but their best skills, and the useless ones got told to do everything else (hauling, wall build et.c.). Note to later leaders: set the profiles on any workshop you make to only lets good dorfs work there.
From what I understand, the leader had plans to set up some kinda mist generator in the meeting hall. Now I like a nice bit of sparkly mist as much as any dorf, so I happily continued his requests. I also found some weird room out in the sea.



Neat. I’ll have it engraved and make it into my personal chambers. Probably extend it too.
I also found a rather confusing note.



Evidently a lever of some kind once stood here, and was not supposed to be pulled. Ever. How boring.
In an attempt to make this fortress a little more organised, I made plans for a huge staircase to be dug, around which we could base our home.



Even in this hellhole, apparently you can find some happiness. Turkey and Lupusater have gotten married. Luckily, they did not hold any celebration. Probably because we’ve got nowhere to celebrate.



 As if spurred on by this, our militia commander ‘Spanner’ and our armourer ‘Glacial’ also got married.



In preparation for the mist generator, I ordered somebody to empty buckets of water down a hole until we had sufficient water for it to run.



Fuckwits couldn’t find anywhere to get water from. We live by the fucking seaside. How hard can it be to find some water?
Oh goody, migrants. A ton of useless idiots, and not one but two high master masons. Neat. Also of note was the oddly named ‘Vee’, an experienced hunter who I promptly put in the military (you wanted danger, and now you’re expected to protect Battlefailed. Have fun.) As other migrants ran around shitting themselves at the mere sight of a zombie ground hog, she shot it in the face.



As soon as the migrants began to reach Failcannon itself, Glacial suddenly went mad. Speaking in a voice that was not his own, he demanded someone to build him a crafts workshop. The migrants’ first impression was some nutty dwarf demanding a workshop to be built. Welcome to fucking Failcannon.
At least he calmed down once we built him a workshop. He grabbed four pieces of gypsum and started working away feverishly.



Also some random nobodies got married.  But I don’t really care.



What will Glacial make? Find out next time!

[Urist Imiknorris]

Evidently a lever of some kind once stood here, and was not supposed to be pulled. Ever. How boring.

Yup. The lever controlled the bridge that used to be between the room and the ocean. I removed the bridge and replaced it with a wall. Feel free to use that cobaltite mechanism for another flooding lever.

[Dariush]

Some random nobodies?!  I'll dump your dwarf in magma for those words 

[V12US]

Sweet, I'm a hunter.


I hope my dwarf will be able to bring in some meat that doesn't continue moving after it dies.

[MadJax]

Urist, you gonna update the first post?

[Nat]

Sweet, I can't find water.

Did you figure out that problem? Last time that happened to me, most of my dwarves got stuck outside for some reason after I designated a new water source right next to the old source, on the river. I couldn't even get them to go back inside after ordering them in with burrows... I think somehow I broke the pathfinding with my elaborate goblin-grinding maze.

[Felcis]

Maybe the dwarfes only recognize drinkable water as "Water source"? I never had this problem, but I also have no experience in playing next to an ocean.
We seem to have a good amount of masons now. They can prove useful, once we begin building outdoor structures and megaprojects. :3
Hopefully the wildlife will be a bit more ferocious in the future. I don´t see any undead rampages as of now. But maybe they are still busy feeding on all the corpses and braaaaains in Battlefailed.

Also, I claim a turn later on. I think this will be fun, if the fortress survives that long.

[Glacial]

As if spurred on by this, our militia commander ‘Spanner’ and our armourer ‘Glacial’ also got married.

...

As soon as the migrants began to reach Failcannon itself, Glacial suddenly went mad. Speaking in a voice that was not his own, he demanded someone to build him a crafts workshop. The migrants’ first impression was some nutty dwarf demanding a workshop to be built. Welcome to fucking Failcannon.
At least he calmed down once we built him a workshop. He grabbed four pieces of gypsum and started working away feverishly.

This is not actually that unusual a response to getting married.

Woo hoo, I'm an overachiever!

[mr. macduggan]

I'd like a dorf, named Macduggan, who is an engraver of some sort.

[Ledi]

I would like a dwarf, if I may...

Ledi, female, preferably not in the military, who likes cats for their aloofness. Custom job - Crazy Cat Lady (can be any profession you want underneath that).

Why yes, I do like cats, and unlike other dwarves, not just in the stewpot.

If you don't have a female Crazy Cat Lady dwarf yet, that's okay, I'll wait. ^^

[ArcaneSaint]

We had trouble getting the magma to the surface, we were too busy dying and having our pump stacks broken and flooded.

Since when is that a valid reason to stop working?  Pathetic, real dwarves would continue even if they had to carry the last magma up 80 z-levels in ‼ashen bucket‼s!
Just kidding though  . But in situations like the one in Battlefailed (naked, rotting, crazy dwarves and not-waterproof water-and-magma reservoirs) megaprojects should be approached with a different style of thinking. Namely: If we can't get the Magma to the Ocean, maybe we can get the Ocean to the Magma? Generally, "down" is easier than "up" right? Of course, you should start the flooding at the end of winter, so your successor is the one tasked with preventing the water from going "down" too much, resulting in the water going "almost anywhere"


I haven't been dorfed yet  ? Really, any dwarf will do, as long as his job doesn't put him/me in any immediate danger.

[TurkeyXIII]

megaprojects should be approached with a different style of thinking. Namely: If we can't get the Magma to the Ocean, maybe we can get the Ocean to the Magma? Generally, "down" is easier than "up" right?

Ah, but if you read the last few years of Battlefailed that's exactly what we did.  Albeit not intentionally...

[Mekboy]

In order to get the water needed for the mist-machine, I built a pump specially to extract water from a pond, to aid the filling.



Finally the idiots got to work. Ah, nothing like a nice cloud of mist.



Wait, what’s that coming over the horizon?



Elves. Bugger.
And a kobold ambush to go with them.



Ordering the civilians inside, I had Spanner and Vee attack the kobolds.
You can do it, Spanner!



Bugger.
Seeing this, I quickly ordered a handful of mooks no-one would miss to attack them with their bare hands. This went surprisingly well, with only one getting pincushioned, while the kobolds fled.



And where was Vee the whole time? Asleep. Damnit, Vee.
Seeing that Glacial was now demanding cloth, I quickly rushed to the trade depot. I quickly haggled with the elves to get some booze, lots of wood and even a bin of cloth for Glacial in exchange for some spare mechanisms and some dead guy’s clothes. But the wait was too much.



Not really Spanner’s day, is it? First he gets shot, then his spouse dies. Good thing we’ve got a baddass waterfall!

When will something good happen? Find out next time!   


So that’s first failed mood and first dead named dorf.  Two awards for me!

[V12US]

But I am le tired!