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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 939402 times)

TALLPANZER

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #435 on: December 15, 2010, 12:36:19 pm »

I am sure Mrbobbyg was once a Fetus.
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"So while a handful of psychopaths in lab coats are turning Japan into a land of mythological beasties to bang, the USSA's drowning in stupidity, China doesn't exist anymore, and Canada's just sitting there waiting for all this shit to blow over so they can go back to being Canada. Oh, and South Korea think they're Zerg now." <-Slag explains fallout in a nutshell

mrbobbyg

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #436 on: December 15, 2010, 01:40:51 pm »

NOOOOOO!
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!!Elves!! would actually be kinda cool as a civ symbol.  !!Clowns!!, however, you get the impression they're on fire of their own free, malicious, evil, will.

Also, much scarier if literally clowns.

Zathel

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #437 on: December 15, 2010, 02:21:55 pm »

Man, I just caught up with the thread.

This is unbelievably epic. Well, apart from my dorf dying in a random scuffle. But shit happens :D.

Keep it up, I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.
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SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #438 on: December 15, 2010, 06:18:11 pm »

I tried to keep Zathel alive, he was starving in prison so I deconstructed the rope, but then Xenos found him and beat him to death instead of taking him back to jail.  Truly a tragic end for the legendary miner.

The thing about Failcannon's beast population is that Robocorn genned Aluonra
remarkably hot and dry, with the maximum number of titans and an unreasonably low set parameter for attracting their attention (around population of 30 I think).

As for them showing up now, all it takes is a little carelessness.  :)

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SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #439 on: December 15, 2010, 06:18:47 pm »

Sethrist's Journal, Excerpts

We are under siege by an evasive enemy.  It has no body to destroy, no land to invade.


Half of the population is sick with the beast sickness.  Without rest or reprieve it threatens every moment of our lives.  Pools of venom collect on the floors near the well, forcing me to micromanage their construction and deconstruction and force these disgusting little morons to clean the mess.  The baroness works day and night to contain the illness, and appears to be losing her mind.  mrbobbyg died on the operating table last night, while Mezbuth was 'attempting to induce sedation' with a war hammer.  The shape of mrbobbyg's head suggests she was trying very hard.


The hospital is currently under a full quarantine.  The infected who are still walking are now assigned there permanently, tasked only with keeping the floors and water supply as clean as possible.  I expect them to live long enough to fulfill their duties.  They've managed to eliminate or contain the raw puddles of extract, but those already very sick are probably living only to die.

Oglokoog approached me last night demanding we seal off the caverns, but I just can't think of a good enough reason to do so.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I understand the soldiers' concerns, but I'm not exactly reckless.  All it takes is the pull of a lever to raise the bridges and cut us off from danger, but I still expect there's something hidden in these caves, and I'm not yet done searching.  Oglokoog was granted exclusive permission to pull the lever at the first sign of trouble. 

Besides, if the caverns are sealed off, Neotemplar won't be able to scout them for us.  She's a recent arrival who's started hunting the creatures of the caves to add some exotic meat to our hoard.  Already she's bagged a few crundles, which made a phenomenal stew.


She wasn't understating the word "exotic."  I doubt I'll partake in her latest catch, it's shaped like something I once had a nightmare about.


Curiously, she chased it all the way up to the burial hall from the caves.  I'll ask someone else how it tastes.  She gets bolder every day and I suspect she'll soon return from a hunt with something even more repugnant.


Everything else has been delightful.


The supply caravan from Dastot Cog was spotted a few minutes ago.  The outpost liaison will surely wonder what the hell is going on, and I've got to come up with an explanation.  Here's hoping an adamantine trade depot can make up for the mass pestilence we have going on.

The militia is patrolling and the local skorses are keeping their heads down for a change, so the workers were sent outside to gather clothing and armor from the dozens of corpses lain across the plains.  The more garbage we feed to these cretinous traders, the better.


Alarm!  Goblins without!


Mezbuth and Oglokoog were shot dead at the very start.


Every soldier in the fort ran to the fore screaming and brandishing pure adamantine.  The first two squads of greenskins fled in terror, but two more emerged from the trees to the east and fired their crossbows.


Another group flanked us from the west as we advanced.  It was a grim day.


When we slew the leader, the rest of them scattered into the wilderness.  We won the day, but there are many injuries and the hospital is already filled, so we've started building another one.  Trading continues at the Depot.  With the baroness dead, I must be the one to meet with the liaison regarding matters of migration and commerce.  Not to mention we've lost our best doctor.






Thank goodness the hospital and wells are clean.  The liaison is still inspecting the dining room, so I'll head down to the smithy to finish that order of iron spikes I've been trying to --


I suppose we can close that bridge now.


This one was an enormous grouse.  I've lost count of how many creatures we battled this year, but this one stands out in my mind.  It's tail feathers spiked out of its back like daggers even sharper than its terrible beak.


Tekkud was casually tossed into a wall where he exploded in gore.  With a roar, Derm charged down the beast while Elt kept the abominable bird off-balance.


Elt was rather off-balance herself.  The two of them fell into the magma pit with a horrible plop.  Derm ran forward.  There was no way to save Elt, but the Beastslayer made sure his comrade would die knowing the bird had been dealt with.


I wonder what she thought as she sat there in a tunnel of fire, slowly burning to death.  It can't have been pleasant.




The Conquerors of Earth are recruiting.


*     *     *

"And this is my office," said Sethrist to Melbil the Outpost Liaison as they neared the end of the official's tour.  I'd like to add a window to the magma sea, if I can just figure out how.

The liaison had maintained a cool expression for most of the visit, but this room seemed to surprise her.  "You built an office in the adamantine vein?"


Sethrist smiled and offered the liaison a seat.  "These are quarters fit for royalty.  Should the Queen decide to visit, they'll be hers for the stay, of course."


Melbil nodded slowly as she sat down, staring at the smooth floor.  It seemed to glitter in the dark with a pale blue light both peaceful and menacing.

"May I offer you a drink?"  Sethrist moved toward the cupboard, but the liaison lifted a hand.

"No, thank you.  I must tell you, mayor, I don't think the Queen will be coming here anytime soon."


Sethrist's smile faded.  "Why do you say that?  Our wealth is tremendous, our warriors implacable.  Whatever Led wants out of us, I imagine she's getting it."


"Mayor, this place is uninhabitable.  You have more vomit in the halls than stone.  On the way in here I passed a child crawling around on the ground because his legs no longer work.  Did I understand you correctly when you said you had thirty dwarves locked in the hospital?"

"We are managing the disease.  I have every confidence in our doctors' abilities."

"Look at you!  You look as though a dragon digested you!"

"Save your cheek.  It was an easily avoidable accident."

"Then why did you not avoid it?"


Sethrist slammed a fist on the table, and shook it as he realized the gesture hurt more than it impressed.  "The situation is under control," he grumbled.  "Now, if we can just discuss our trade agreement.  I'm sure there's something here that's caught your eye."  He swept his hand dramatically.  "There's no need to trouble the Queen with such trivialities.  I give you every assurance, we are fine."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Melbil looked again at the sparkling floor.  A large passage of pure adamantine wound down out of sight.  He pointed towards it and asked, "How deep does that run?"

*     *     *

Sethrist's Journal, excerpts


Sprout... she's dead.  My wife is dead.  How will I raise my son without her?

My... my son?


My son is dead?!

« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 06:24:45 pm by SethCreiyd »
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optimumtact

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #440 on: December 15, 2010, 06:28:28 pm »

M M M M Multi Kill.
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alternately, I could just take some LSD or something...

NightmareBros

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #441 on: December 15, 2010, 06:36:22 pm »

So, this is how Failcannon dies - death by FB rot. and no food, oddly.

Did my dorf die by rot, just so I can know? Or did I die during a previous turn?
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neotemplar

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #442 on: December 15, 2010, 06:48:10 pm »

I enjoy that I'm hunting monstrosities and coating the burial area in their blood. :)  (Also I'm a heart breaker, oh yeah!)
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If not under Neotemplar look for Vellum.

<22:07:06> "Terry": If a kid is old enough to play D&D
<22:07:20> "Terry": A kid is old enough to experience a dolphin being strangled

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #443 on: December 15, 2010, 07:26:20 pm »

Am I still alive?
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Oglokoog

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #444 on: December 15, 2010, 07:46:49 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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So we got monsters above, monsters below, dwarves in the middle and a party in the dining hall. Sounds good to me.
If all else fails, remember one thing:  kittens are delicious, nutritious little goblin-baiters, cavern explorers, and ambush-finders.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #445 on: December 15, 2010, 07:49:27 pm »

*slow clap*
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

neotemplar

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #446 on: December 15, 2010, 08:08:01 pm »

I'm personally one to never seal all caverns anymore, I usually keep at least one open because FB rampages are hilariously unpredictable.  Also I want my glorious cave wood.  So open caverns gets my full support. Onward the giant lobster battle!
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If not under Neotemplar look for Vellum.

<22:07:06> "Terry": If a kid is old enough to play D&D
<22:07:20> "Terry": A kid is old enough to experience a dolphin being strangled

Aik

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #447 on: December 15, 2010, 10:23:15 pm »

Sooo ... how many dwarves are still alive, and how many of those are still happy, healthy and sane?
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SethCreiyd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #448 on: December 16, 2010, 04:07:19 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

----------

Thoth was watching Failcannon carefully.  If the world fell to ruin now from Sethrist's incompetence, all hope of maintaining existence would be lost.  The gods would need to involve themselves as they swore they never would.

It meant breaking the Rules, But Ura had already broken them, and so would Thoth, to keep them around.  Warping time and space, he focused on the very moment Sethrist became mayor of Failcannon.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In a mysterious explosion that no one would ever fully understand or explain, Sethrist was killed and history irrevocably altered.  A certain sorcerer who'd been a thorn in the gods' collective side was also caught in the blast.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Failcannon never fell to the prideful whims of the tyrant mayor.  The adamantine was never discovered, the caverns never uncovered.  The dwarves were not visited by a devilish diplomat, nor did they do battle with the beasts from the underground.


Under Mezbuth's rule, they lived peaceful lives devoted to craft and making Failcannon a great place to live.  A dining room with solid gold furnishings became the new meeting hall of the fort.


But still, Mezbuth was unhinged from the start.  Xenos was forced to kill her when she went beserk in the training barracks.  She wounded Pisano in the struggle, but not badly.


Below, the beasts slumbered still.  More of them came.  But they never attacked.


LordSlowpoke would die of thirst in prison, which led the new mayor Derm to place a booze stockpile in the jail.  Unfortunately, Derm's reign was also shortlived when he failed to get the mysterious leather he'd been waiting for; none of the other leather would do.


Aik would be elected mayor the next day.  The dwarves would live unaware of how close they all came to the end of everything.


But what would have happened?  What would become of the Failcannon in the other timeline where Sethrist still lived?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

No one would ever know.

----------

Save is here:  http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=3567

Everybody on the dorfing list is dorfed and alive.  I redorfed LordSlowpoke after he died and put him in the same squad position so he should have his armor, but I haven't given him back his house yet.  I didn't redwarf Derm since he's still alive.

There's a really nice dining room and new stockpiles for armor and goods.  A bunch of skeletons got butchered so there should be enough to start really making bone blocks.  I tried making the Baroness as nice a house as I could but she went beserk anyway.  I also built a few roads when the coast was clear, since we need roads to get royalty.

The fortress is really clean and there are lots of smoothed out spaces waiting to be filled with something.  Also, this is connected to the rough microcline support right outside the fort entrance to the left, use it in case the panther devil comes:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A firebreathing thrips came to the caves right before I finished.  Andreus is now "Andreus VIII, Quasimortal" a novice Strand Extractor with terrible intuition.

Thanks for letting me play.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2010, 02:06:17 pm by SethCreiyd »
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Dariush

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #449 on: December 16, 2010, 05:50:16 am »

You pulled off the best turn ever in Ardentdikes and now you did the same with Failcannon. Congratulations, you won DF.
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