I think I am beginning to grasp how some of the game works
Third restart, playing as Duke Dirk of Holland. Finally things seem to be going rather well.
First I happily joined the Kaiser in the de jure war for Zeeland, after which he transferred vassalage to me.
Not much later, he must have appreciated me joining forces with his army in the battle for Zeeland, he granted me the title Commander of the Holy Roman Empire.
Married a Norwegian Duke's daughter with decent stats and only positive traits (19/5/10/5/9).
Declared war on Gotfried III of Lower Lorraine over my de jure claim on Sticht, which was won easily.
Bribed all bishop into liking me enough to pay me taxes, married off the one sister that doesn't like me to a lunatic somewhere far away to get her out of my court, built a castle wall in Holland, and started a plot to revoke the County of Zeeland title.
Ofcourse the Count of Zeeland wouldn't go down without a fight, but his forces stood no chance against the troops lead by my now proficient commander Duke.
So yay, managed to get my demesne to 3/3 for the first time. It's only april 1073, my Duke's only 19.
No male heir yet, even though my wife just gave birth to a daughter.
I guess I should try to become King of Frisia next.
EDIT: Heh, my wife died after giving birth to a second daughter. I am now married to the 43 year old Queen Mother of England, who has a claim to the Kingdom of France, and the Duchy of Flanders, which could prove interesting.
EDIT: she is also a dwarf