Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[BFEL]

Wait, that's not right!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I don't see a problem here.

Karl, King of Ducks.

Totally need to make the Karling dynasty into the King of Ducks dynasty, and have them have a preference for naming children Karl.

And don't forget to make them big bearded hunters who hate homosexuals!

[Loud Whispers]

im fairly sure its impossible to truly eliminate the karlings

Why eliminate when you can assimilate?

[Digital Hellhound]

Karlings are like Orks. They give off spores which scatter with the wind through every court in Europe, only to pop out hundreds of fully-grown claimants when the time is right. You cannot assimilate a plague.

[Grim Portent]

Had a moment of panic when Basileus Gabriel III died in his forties without a male heir and I switch to his daughter who was married non-matrilinealy to a prince. Fortunately a bit of murder solved my problems quickly and I'm now just trying to produce a male dynastic heir with Born in the Purple to supplant my non-dynastic male heir.

6 kids and only one's a boy, and he's not even dynastic, all three kids born since my matrilineal remarriage have been girls. I may need to send the older kids to take the vows as soon as they hit 16 just to keep the Empire in the family. 

You'd think seducing half the dukes of the Empire would get me at least one dynastic male kid but nooooo, everyone's firing out X chromosomes at me. 



Good news is that the Sultanate of Egypt has just three Duchies left before I wipe them out, I have just one last county to take from Italy and need to retake Jerusalem and then I can recreate Rome and set about my religious and ethnic genocide of all non-Orthodox non-Greeks. 

I may even liberate Spain from it's Sunni overlords.

[Grim Portent]

Well, what a load of bullshit that was.

Byzantines managed to pull a 13000 man strong army out of seven boats. There were no more boats anywhere, and they didn't march up to Russia. I'd have noticed that.

Nope, they just walked off of the 7 boats. I can only assume the game was REALLY REALLY wanting to dick me over. No matter what I did, I would lose my land to the Byzantines, so I elected to cheat when the time came, since the game gave me no valid reason that the child was the mother's courtier, as opposed to the fathers (it was a regular non-matrilineal marriage, too), it just was absolutely ADMANT that the child was the mother's. So, 15000 man army.

Hey look, the LEADERLESS 13000 man army marched off the boat and splattered my 15000 man army with generals I had hand seleceted to be best in this battle with fucking ease.

I swear this game LOVES doing this. 'You know what he'll find fun? Getting screwed over completely and utterly no matter what he tries to do and for no apparent reason!'

I could have probably thrown the might of the Aztecs and Mongols at them simultaneously and I'd still have somehow managed to lose.

The game just wants you to have the fun of being Byzantine.


After all, Byzantines are best-tines. 


I sincerely apologize for that joke.


EDIT: YES! The Roman Empire is mine!

Tremble non-greeks, for my armies will soon be knocking at your doors to bring you death and yoghurt!

[Loud Whispers]

Karlings are like Orks. They give off spores which scatter with the wind through every court in Europe, only to pop out hundreds of fully-grown claimants when the time is right. You cannot assimilate a plague.

The only thing deadlier than a Karling infection is a Miroslav one; just as the Karlings are the black death bacterium that targets whole living families the Miroslavs are the viruses that targets all. In such cases assimilation of the plague is inevitable, as from each burst Karling spews forth several million Miroslavs.

[Andres]

So I was Emperor of Hispania again looking to combine it with the Byzantines again. I matrilineally married my daughter to the first-born of a guy who had a strong claim on Byzantium, after which I promptly declared war on Byzantium and installed him. The plan was to marry the Byzantine branch with the main branch a few generations later so they wouldn't be genetically similar. What I noticed, though, was that the Byzantines decided to elect the new emperor's third-born son who was NOT matrilinealy married to one of my daughters. I noticed this after my emperor died and my new emperor had to deal with two civil wars and a peasant uprising despite having good stats and traits.

I was very fortunate, however, because early in the reign of my previous emperor, I installed my antipope as the real pope and said new pope was of my dynasty (appointed by me thanks to Free Investiture.) This made the pope a vassal of me. I mostly used the pope in this game and other games to grant divorces and excommunications on loyal vassals, but then I realised that I owned the pope not merely the anti-pope. This meant I could excommunicate, claim titles, and - most importantly - request invasions on every Catholic in the world. Luckily for me, my previous emperor forced the new Byzantine emperor to convert to Catholicism while in court so he could catholicise the Greeks while we waited.

Cue request invasion against the Byzantines and a successful invasion after it was automatically accepted. Since I can claim any non-independent titles too (or at least duchies), I shouldn't have any problem with taking Ferrara and all the other Italian-held duchies crucial to restoring the Roman Empire. So long as I keep my Piety high, I can excommunicate any problem vassals who may wrongly choose to vote for people who shouldn't be emperor.

Seriously guys. If you're an emperor, get a dynasty member as antipope and install him as the real pope. It's so worth it.

[Loud Whispers]

Don't forget: LOADSA MONEY

This is why I'm so disappointed that you can't play Pope when mods manage to do that sneakiness with the Lord Commanders that allows the head of the title to inherit beyond dynasties... Who wouldn't want to play as the head of the religion, expanding the influence of your religion because more religion coverage = more taxes = more power = more crusades = more religion coverage and so on? And then you can begin the great clash between the head and the sovereign lords as they try to fight for influence over their own bishops. And then the theocracies!

...

I'm sure there could be some way to rip out the Lord Commander stuff and repope it to play as the Pope. Or you could lose the college of cardinals and use Caliphate mechanics, that seems much easier. You'd lose antipopes but... Close enough.

[Baffler]

I've finally succeeded in reforming a pagan faith, Germanic as Norway. King Oddr "the Fat" av Asko attacked the Danes during a pretender revolt and captured the holy site of Sjaelland without too much difficulty, and with Skane long since lost to Sweden and the revolt still going on it wasn't be hard to hold onto it. Zeeland was a problem though, it was held by the huge Francian blob that at this point held pretty much every single Catholic province.

Even with Sweden's help I had to use underhanded tactics to take it. Sweden distracted the Francian host by being eaten, mostly, while I split my forces between the tribal armies, laying siege to Zeeland, and my regular levies attacking the capital as raiders. My original plan was to breach the walls and capture some of his relatives before they finished eating Sweden's army and moved on to mine I would be able to enforce my demands in exchange for their safe return, but the King himself decided to lead the small army meant to disperse the raiders. It was a gamble, but I sent the raiders away to try to capture him before he could meet up with more of his troops. It worked. I had enough moral authority (from burning Irish churches) to reform with three sites instead of all five, and I wasted no time. I just let them take Zeeland back when they attacked me for it a few years later, and did the same for Denmark once they sorted out their nonsense and came for Sjaelland.

I just barely managed to adopt Feudalism and change to elective monarchy before Oddr died, but I'm not quite sure what I should do now. I suppose I could try to unite Scandinavia, but I plan to export this game to EU4 and I don't want to start out as a gigantic blob.

[Teneb]

I've finally succeeded in reforming a pagan faith, Germanic as Norway. King Oddr "the Fat" av Asko attacked the Danes during a pretender revolt and captured the holy site of Sjaelland without too much difficulty, and with Skane long since lost to Sweden and the revolt still going on it wasn't be hard to hold onto it. Zeeland was a problem though, it was held by the huge Francian blob that at this point held pretty much every single Catholic province.

Even with Sweden's help I had to use underhanded tactics to take it. Sweden distracted the Francian host by being eaten, mostly, while I split my forces between the tribal armies, laying siege to Zeeland, and my regular levies attacking the capital as raiders. My original plan was to breach the walls and capture some of his relatives before they finished eating Sweden's army and moved on to mine I would be able to enforce my demands in exchange for their safe return, but the King himself decided to lead the small army meant to disperse the raiders. It was a gamble, but I sent the raiders away to try to capture him before he could meet up with more of his troops. It worked. I had enough moral authority (from burning Irish churches) to reform with three sites instead of all five, and I wasted no time. I just let them take Zeeland back when they attacked me for it a few years later, and did the same for Denmark once they sorted out their nonsense and came for Sjaelland.

I just barely managed to adopt Feudalism and change to elective monarchy before Oddr died, but I'm not quite sure what I should do now. I suppose I could try to unite Scandinavia, but I plan to export this game to EU4 and I don't want to start out as a gigantic blob.

Regardless of whether or not you are in ironman, you could do the achievement to become norse king of the Tarim Basin and then abandon your original territories, so you can expand east in EU4.

[umiman]

I figured it's been long enough after the patch for most major bugs for After the End to be fixed so I picked it up again.

This is what I ended up with:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Unfortunately, because there are basically no native Japanese at the start of the game, we all ended up as white or black or native or what have you. Our family tree is more or less a rainbow.

I've also noticed one interesting benefit of having all your family members hold positions of power in your lands. All your vassals are allied to each other and so they wage war on others constantly. For the past generation or so I haven't waged war on anyone. My vassals have been holy warring nonstop and conquered most of what you see in that picture with no effort on my part. And because they're all viceroyalties, I'm not really afraid of them rebelling.

[Loud Whispers]

The weaboo Empire is strong

[Teneb]

What's with the purple glow?

[Descan]

So there's a Japanese culture now?

[Teneb]

So there's a Japanese culture now?

There's been for some time, I think. It's one of the four invasions.

Spoiler: all the invasions, mostly in order (click to show/hide)

British (from east)
Brazilian (from south)
Japanese (from west)
Russian (from north)