Blarr, fricken Abbassid Caliphate can DIAF.
I'm playing Abbyssinia from 769, managed to unite all of Miaphysite Ethiopia. Abbyssinia and Nubia. To form the empire I need to hold Egypt (to the north), but that's part of the massive Abbassid Caliphate. They have about 22,000 men, I have about 7,000 without mercs. So... I decide to hang tight, upgrade my duchies, and continue spreading the Lilithian heresy.
That's right, I'm using the Better Gender Laws mod, and I lucked out with an early "heretic finding" from my chaplain. A Miaphysite heresy that declares Adam was made from Lilith's rib, that she eventually gave birth to Jesus, and that Jesus, Lilith and Lucifer guide humanity. Not sure what the hell a crappy mortal king like Lucifer is doing there, but yeah. ExTrEmE HeReSy.
I'm also using Enatic-cognatic, but amusingly it's 820 before I finally get a female ruler. Despite using ultimogeniture she's 26 and a decent administrator, not so good warrior. Vassals are still pretty happy, particularly since they're almost all women too.
Abbassids instantly declare war. For the entire kingdom of Nubia, which apparently they can just do for 1000 piety. They send in 5000 to start, which I manage to defeat - though it's a tough battle for my 7000-man army. Possibly because 2000 of that is cultural light infantry. They do lose about 1500 men though.
Then another 3000 arrive and their 8000 stomps my 6000 with practically no losses. Then the 8000 stomps around the desert with no attrition, chasing down my army remnants until they're dead. It's not so fun when they do it to me...
The absurd thing is that they're doing this with 70% decadence. Hell, the King of Egypt has been sitting at 100% for years! Where are the tuskan raiders? Where is the massive morale penalty?? And where the hell are my holy orders, Lilithian has 4 more counties than original Miaphysites. I should - oh damn, I just checked and I need just 1 more province for holy orders to convert. Uh, assuming Miaphysite even gets holy orders in 820...
Fortunately, thanks to the mod I'm not playing ironman this time. So I'm going to reload to the beginning of the invasion and see if 5000 mercs (the only two companies I get, thanks to capital location) can turn the tide. If not, I'm unashamedly taking control of the Caliphate and making it fall apart like it ought to. 70% decadence... And the Caliph was a kid for much of the last decade, too. If it was just a duchy I would tank the loss and hope for the Byzantines to step up. But they're Iconoclast (which may be why the Abbassids are ignoring them) and I don't feel like losing a whole kingdom to this stupid stable blob.
If I take Alexandria, I can form a Lilithian Papacy. Female pope! I'll probably quit then because I'll have hit the critical mass to eat everything, particularly since it'll be about 860...