So, I bought this game on steam summer's, and have yet to download it, but I intend to do it as soon as I get life out of the way. In the meantime, what should I do as a first-time player? Any hints, or good (non sleep-inducing) tutorials?
Everyone says start in Ireland, AKA newbie island.
And they are right. I recommend you pick one of the southern ones, though, since north has a land connection with Scotland and Scottish rulers may decide that your lands look good enough to conquer. I started as the Petty King of Munster, the one that's more to the south.
Once you pick him, find a good wife or a soon-to-be wife, appoint the people with best relevant stat (keep in mind to avoid people who hate you a lot) to your Council positions unless they are already on it. Setting up the Council is not really crucial, but you want them to be away on the missions, since they are useless if you don't send them there (save for Marshal, who can lead armies decently).
Once you feel more or less comfortable, declare a war on the province on southernmost end of Ireland. Raise levies, put all of them in one region, select all of them and press the little -> <- button. You now have one single decently big army. Appoint the guys with best stats as leaders of all the flanks, wait until your morale is high then march into the region you declared war on.
With some luck you will win the war. Now you control three provinces, which is pretty good in comparison with the other fiefdoms in Ireland. Now you can start arranging your son's marriage to your sister, murdering six-year-olds and otherwise engaging in common medieval pastimes.
Oh, and a tip - use your Chancellor to Fabricate Claims if you want to conquer a province but those pesky Christian laws get in the way.