Hopy shit, it is finished. As of right now, it rolls a confirmation and attack roll at the beginning. If there is a natural one on the attack roll, the attack fails. If the attack roll is higher than 12, the confirmation roll is used. If the confirmation roll is a one, the confirm fails. Depending on the values of these numbers, various flavor texts pop up. Soon I'll work on the flavor macro to use after I am told if the confirmation fails, wherein the entered original confirmation number is entered to produce a suitable flavor text
TL;DR - I had an epiphany and now this is easy. Time to make it more colorful.
[h:dex=floor(Dexterity/2-5)]
[h:str=floor(Strength/2-5)]
[h:bonus=13]
[h:target=foe]
[h:crit=2d4+4-2str]
Rorakar slashes at the foe with his +1 Enfeebling Bladed Gauntlet!<br>
<b>Target</b>: [r:target]<br>
<b>Roll</b>:[t:attack_roll=1d20]<br>
<b>Attack</b>: [t:attack_roll+bonus]<br>
<b>Damage</b>: [t:1d4+2+str]
[h,if(attack_roll>12): confirmation=1d20]
[h,if(12>=attack_roll): confirmation=0]
[r,if(attack_roll>12):"<br><b>Confirmation</b>:"] [t,if(attack_roll>12): confirmation+bonus]
[r,if(confirmation==0):" "]
[r,if(confirmation==1):"<br>Rorakar stumbles at the last second!"]
[r,if(attack_roll>12):"<br><b>Crit Damage</b>:"] [t,if(attack_roll>12): crit]
[r,if(12>=attack_roll):" "]
[r,if(attack_roll==1):"<br>Rorakar's wide swing makes it impossible for him to hit his foe!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==13):"<br>Rorakar swings his gauntlet wildly at his target's throat!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==14):"<br>Rorakar brings his gauntlet down upon his enemy's abdomen!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==15):"<br>Rorakar's bladed gauntlet strikes his foe in the hamstring!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==16):"<br>The blades of Rorakar's gauntlet strike the sternum of his foe!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==17):"<br>Rorakar tries to sever his opponent's bicep!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==18):"<br>Rorakar stabs his blades at his opponent's right eye!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==19):"<br>Rorakar stabs his blades at his opponent's left eye!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==20):"<br>Rorakar dives forward, blades aimed at his foe's lungs!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==13):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==13): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==13):"<b>strength damage</b> by shredding his foe's jugular!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==14):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==14): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==14):"<b>strength damage</b> by disemboweling his target!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==15):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==15): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==15):"<b>strength damage</b> by crippling his foe!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==16):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==16): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==16):"<b>strength damage</b> by breaking their heart!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==17):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==17): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==17):"<b>strength damage</b> by slicing his foe's muscles up!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==18):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==18): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==18):"<b>strength damage</b> by removing his enemy's key motor functions!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==19):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==19): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==19):"<b>strength damage</b> by causing his opponent incredible pain!"]
[r,if(attack_roll==20):"<br>He deals"] [t,if(attack_roll==20): 1d6+2] [r,if(attack_roll==20):"<b>strength damage</b> by deoxygenating his foe!"]
There were easier ways to do it, but this way an attack that isn't a critical shows neither a confirmation roll nor a critical damage roll. I'm currently working on a method that allows me to input the enemy's AC (or at least the lowest I've hit it at) to check for auto-confirmation, with a way to bypass that step to use the current macro.
In the meantime, I can customize one of these for anyone who wants one; it'll be less work with lower critical threat ranges.