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I'd like to become a professional writer in the next decade.

7 (29.2%)

Less than videogames.

6 (25%)

I am a professional writer.

3 (12.5%)

More than my health.

2 (8.3%)

I'm not sure.

5 (20.8%)

More than videogames.

0 (0%)

Not at all.

1 (4.2%)

Total Members Voted: 24

Voting closed: April 23, 2012, 11:42:36 pm

[Fishbreath]

On a related note, what are people's writing schedules like? Do you do a set amount per day whether you like it or not? Do you measure by the word or by time? How fast do you write?

I generally try to fill at least one page of a notebook whenever I sit down, and preferably two (~300-600 words). Sometimes I end up going much further.

I find that handwriting a draft and typing later is the ideal method for me: the distractions are fewer, and when I'm not stuck on phrasing something, I write at about the same pace at which I can think of good prose. For whatever reason, I find that I strike the right balance between revising on the fly and pressing onward when I write by hand, too; things I don't catch on the fly I get a second shot at when I type up. I try not to get more than a few thousand words ahead on paper, though. It's hard to have backups of paper.

[kaijyuu]

Ooh this place looks like a good place for technical advice.


I'm just writing fanfiction for fun, but I'd love some crazy nitpicking to make sure I'm on the right track, and I've annoyed my friends for criticism too much already. Tell me what I'm doing wrong; practice makes perfect of course, but I don't want to find myself becoming really good at writing the wrong way.

This shouldn't require any knowledge of anything, is 890 words, and is just the starting scene. Fire away, if someone would be so kind.

Oh, and beware: ponies.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pen Pusher sat at his desk, like he did every day, monitoring the lab equipment. He didn't much like it down here in the basement of Sweet Apple Corp, what with the dank, musty air and flickering lights. He had the title of scientist, yes, but only the lab coat draped over his shoulders fit what he had hoped for in the job. Instead of performing experiments, his routine consisted of keeping inventory and making sure the equipment was in order. He sat at the bottom of the ladder; a nopony, not worth anyone's time.

His unicorn horn aglow, Pen Pusher continued his work while lost in thought. Boredom wasn't the only thing he hated about this place. He could only cringe while thinking back about the events of the day: his boss and CEO of Sweet Apple Corp, Golden Tiara, had paid the lab a visit. The arrogant pony had strode down here yet again, demanding progress, and today's rant was especially full of vitriol. Pen Pusher's team was researching a cure for her condition, and that fact certainly didn't make her more patient.

What really annoyed Pen Pusher though, was Golden Tiara had no respect for science. She seemed to think they could cook up a cure under a day. Taking the time and doing the research properly were things Pen Pusher respected, but she would have none of it. It was true, Pen Pusher thought, that they had made almost no progress with the test subject in the past week, but you had to find wrong answers before finding the right ones.

Oh yes, Pen Pusher thought to himself with a smile. The test subject pony. Twisting his chair around, he looked over at the glass tube in the center of the room. There she was, hovering inside a stasis chamber. She had been unconscious since she was brought in, never smiling, never even opening her eyes... but something about that mare always brightened Pen Pusher's day. Standing up with his work forgotten, Pen Pusher started striding toward her. So beautiful, he thought to himself. Her purple curly mane and soft pink coat. Those cute little pegasus wings. What he would do to just see her smile.

Reaching the chamber, Pen Pusher adjusted his glasses and stared up at her. They had never told him her name, and he never dared ask. He knew nopony would understand if he told them what he thought of her. Often, he had tried to devise an antidote himself, but none of the other scientists would listen to his ideas. Get back to work, they said. Clean up the lab and let the real scientists do their job, they said. Frustrated, Pen Pusher wondered why they wouldn't even let him try. Why he couldn't just take some lab materials, mix up his own antidote, and...

A thought occurred to him. Certainly they'd see past one little unauthorized experiment if it worked. Golden Tiara would thank him personally... or at least not yell at him, and he might even get a promotion. This might be his one chance to prove himself to be an actual scientist. And not only that... The pony hovering before him, which he felt so much for, would be free. He'd finally be able to see her smile. He'd finally know whether she could feel for him what he felt for her, and oh how he hoped she could.

His task set before him, Pen Pusher returned to his desk. There wasn't much time before his shift ended, and other ponies might get suspicious if he stayed too long. Sitting back down, he hurriedly brought his notes up on the computer. All the data he needed was there; what had been effective previously, what composed the toxin that nearly killed her in the first place... So far the other scientists had only been able to stabilize her, but now he hoped to cure her completely. Confidence, he thought. He just had to believe in himself and take a chance.

The lab had all the equipment and ingredients he needed. Slowly he mixed and heated the potion, carefully ensuring everything was precisely measured. He had been planning this potion for weeks, going over every detail; it had to work.
Moments later, Pen Pusher had a completed potion in front of him. Shaking slightly with anticipation, he corked the glass vial and carried it with him toward the stasis chamber. All he had to do was gently lower her to the ground, administer orally, and..

Pen Pusher's eyes opened wide and the vial dropped to the ground, shattering on the floor. The pony inside looked down at him, her eyes open. She was awake! Nervously he moved forward, putting a hoof on the glass. He stared up into her eyes, and she into his, and finally she smiled down at him. It was a warm smile. He smiled back, unsure of what to say.

Suddenly Pen Pusher felt a shock as lighting arced from the mechanics at the bottom of the stasis chamber. Knocked back, he hit the ground hard and felt his glasses fly from his face. Groaning in pain, he turned his head to see the glass tube shatter violently. Still looking down at him, the last thing he saw before the lights blinked out was her smile.

[Willfor]

You're using way too many commas for what you need. "Pen Pusher sat at his desk, like he did every day, monitoring the lab equipment." -> "Just like every day, Pen Pusher sat at his desk monitoring the lab equipment."

There are sentences in there where it fits, but over the whole of the story you're using too many sentences which rely on using them. Or even using them where you don't need them. Commas slow prose down by their very nature, and having too many of them can slow your reader down to the point of frustration. Though I think you're not far from the mark of acceptable comma levels if this is even a problem. Minor critique.

[kaijyuu]

Hrm, alright. I use commas a hell of a lot when talking online, so I guess it translated to this.

Unbroken sentences sound stilted to me, most of the time.

[Willfor]

Yeah, I've found it's best to have two (or three or four) separate writing styles. I don't make forum posts in my prose voices, and likewise I don't write with my forum voice. The reason is because you're attempting to engage two entirely separate parts of the brain with each. On a forum you're attempting to push raw information into a reader's mind as they are sitting at their computer, and are interested in reading pure opinion pieces. With prose, even fanfiction, you're attempting to invoke that same primitive storytelling technique that people employed even before Homer. You're appealing to a brain that has sat down with the intention of engaging with a polished narrative. However, they are often not completely engaged until you pull them with the way you construct your sentences.

The other side of the coin is that people will read absolute shit writing if you pull them in with the story, and they will even greatly enjoy it. The problem is that you have to use a particular kind of writing style to write in that way.

EDIT: Also, please realize that the reason I can point this out so easily is because I have the hardest time with commas in my own work. I still deal with my overuse of commas any time I sit down to write. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.

[Supermikhail]

Strangely and unexpectedly for myself, I'm here with feedback, I guess.

For my lack of cents - or pennies - I think it's an absolutely bad starting scene. It depends on what kind of starting scene it is, but I'll assume that it's for the whole story. I'm searching for an apt adjective, and not coming up with anything better than "boring". Or, maybe, "expository". My technical advice for a beginning writer is, start with action. It's sure helpful to know that scientific work is boring even if you're a pony, but if you must convey it, do it quickly and entertainingly. Three paragraphs is not the way to go.

in my opinion.

Aaand, also cliché. I mean it seems only lazy filmmakers don't do a scene in a thriller where someone in a tube suddenly/unexpectedly/thrillingly opens his/her eyes. Although the angle on the witness's personality is pleasing. (Or it may contribute to the boring-ness.) It depends on whether the personality plays any role further in the story.

[fqllve]

I have to agree with Mikhail that it starts out with too much exposition. I understand it's all necessary for the scene that follows, which is pretty good and could be taken in a number in of different ways, but you open with about three paragraphs of exposition which is just too easy to lose the reader with. Almost lost me, in fact. I think maybe you could start the scene having Golden Tiara paying her visit which would be a much more involving way to do it. You could also use that as a opportunity to show Pen Pusher being looked down on by the more serious scientist ponies so you could get rid of the other bit of exposition in there and allow us to become more emotionally involved with the protagonist. As it stands now it's really hard for us to empathize with exposition.

I don't agree that climax was cliched though because I don't feel like it was played in the way it's always played, an easy way to shock the audience. Instead I see it as the logical consequence of the narrative. Rather, the shock is the other consequences of his actions which we're still left anticipating. Besides, I don't see how you could do it any other way.

[kaijyuu]

*swoon*

Some of the best feedback since I've started writing. Note to self: write small stuff so they don't get terrified and run away.

@supermikhail

I can see the "too much exposition" thing. Trying to do some foreshadowing for later stuff but hey. I'll see what I can cut out to make it go faster.

Length is something I've struggled with since I started this. I go on too long.

@ fqllve

Golden Tiara was introduced earlier, but since I'm thinking of cutting that earlier part out and making this the "true" beginning, bringing her in might be a good idea.


As for "cliche"... heh yeah I know this sort of thing has been done a million times. Hell, just listen to my inspiration for it. I hope to take it a couple places you won't predict, but of course I can't say that until I actually finish writing it. I mean, half my source material is all about cliches done right, so it's not a huge red flag for me.

And as for "where this sits in the narrative", well, Pen Pusher's just a one shot character. His story will be done within the next dozen or so pages. I'm trying for a more episodic style; you shouldn't even have to read chapters in order. As such, I'm really in agreement that I should cut down on exposition; too much time on one dude who'll be gone in a flash. Trying to make the reader be a tad bit creeped out while still slightly sympathetic to him, but I can do that in less words.

[Grakelin]

On the topic of the poll - I already am a professional writer.

Of marketing materials.

[Bilgewater]

Hi. I'm nearly brand new to the forums and I think I already screwed something up. I posted a DF inspired story to the Community Games & Stories section and after reading a bunch of the other posts in that sub-forum I now realize it probably should have gone in this thread (or hereabouts). You can find the story here, and if someone could let me know what I ought to do with it - or if you want to comment on the story itself - I'd appreciate it.

[kaijyuu]

Ah, this should hopefully be a simple technical question:

There's a particular fight scene I've been having trouble with. Not gonna link it here since it's horrible, but the big problem I've been having with it is one of the major players doesn't have their name revealed until the end of the fight.

How do you effectively refer to a character constantly without giving a name? I've been referring to them by a major trait (in this case, age), but it sounds odd to keep calling someone "the old lady" something like 12 times. I fear I'm going to confuse the reader, especially since there are other unnamed characters in the same scene and I can foresee them getting mixed up.

[shadenight123]

the granny? the white haired woman? She? the wrinkled face? or maybe add a description of her dress, like, if it's pink, "the pink dressed woman grabbed the shotgun and began shooting while yelling strange words" "the strange yelling woman..." synonyms!

btw i usually write 3000 words once every two days. I'm trying to get on a stable rhythm, since somebody introduced me to fanfictions I actually started writing one albeit I know it's horrible, it's a nice exercise.

[kaijyuu]

since somebody introduced me to fanfictions I actually started writing one albeit I know it's horrible, it's a nice exercise.

Horrible? Pfft. A story's a story. There isn't a high or low tier to fiction, and originality be damned; if it's good, it's good.


Re: synonyms. That's exactly where I'm concerned people will get confused. Guess I should bust out a thesaurus, and try to be a big more creative...

[Supermikhail]

There isn't a high or low tier to fiction, and originality be damned; if it's good, it's good.

That certainly depends on the context...

@ Bilgewater DF fiction is not my cup of tea. As publishers say, could you post something else, preferably in the sci-fi genre or more conventional/original fantasy?

@ Grakelin I can see it's a fun occupation. Well, you're published, anyway. I'd like to point out that we've at least got two people who earn their living by putting words on paper/hard drive. And five people who hope to do so. If there were a person with organizational skill, know-how and something special, we probably could get a good ball rolling.

[kaijyuu]

There isn't a high or low tier to fiction, and originality be damned; if it's good, it's good.

That certainly depends on the context...

Well yeah. If you want to make money, you have to care about copyright and all that.
Cliches can bore people too, but cliches became cliches because they work (and were overused). Sneak em past the reader's cliche radar and they work just as well as they did the first time.


But my point was there's nothing "horrible" about derivative works. Only practical concerns. A fanfiction can pull just as large an emotional response out of a reader as a completely original work.