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Poll

How important is writing to you?

I'd like to become a professional writer in the next decade.
- 7 (29.2%)
Less than videogames.
- 6 (25%)
I am a professional writer.
- 3 (12.5%)
More than my health.
- 2 (8.3%)
I'm not sure.
- 5 (20.8%)
More than videogames.
- 0 (0%)
Not at all.
- 1 (4.2%)

Total Members Voted: 24

Voting closed: April 23, 2012, 11:42:36 pm


Pages: 1 ... 31 32 [33] 34 35 ... 38

Author Topic: Bay12 Writers Guild  (Read 58810 times)

Supermikhail

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #480 on: May 24, 2011, 07:37:59 am »

Er. It kind of is. The whole story is heavily grounded in computer game tropes. Or is supposed to be.

Edit: Vague is my second name. No, it's not, but pretty close. The segment is set in some kind of a roguelike dungeon crawler. But not Nethack specifically. So if you haven't seen pig-heads in Nethack, don't be cross.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2011, 09:04:26 am by Supermikhail »
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #481 on: June 07, 2011, 02:36:08 pm »

ALright, I'm kind of stuck. Here is the short story I promised I don't know how long ago, but it isn't finished, and I'm not sure how to finish it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I humbly await your scathing ostracism.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2011, 02:37:46 pm by JoshuaFH »
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Supermikhail

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #482 on: June 08, 2011, 01:44:03 pm »

I just caught up on my sleep requirement and got to know that I've got an attention deficiency and problems with long-term memory... So my take may be... subjective, I guess. Nevertheless, as you've asked for it

(Oh boy, I love me some fancy English words, I sure do! ;D)

Your story starts with a lot of weak words, and very long sentences (by the way, this link). "Fine day", "rather quietly", blah-blah-blah blah-blah blah-blah. The introduction ends with "This is an account of one of his fine days." Which calls for a question why we should care for one of his fine days. You've got to make us care about your story, and this is not the way to do it. Usually you would replace this sentence with a sneak peak to the resolution of the conflict of the story, like "And on this fine day, Mr. Stafford was destined to find out that his father was Indiana Jones."

To add up to this, the third paragraph ("You see, if there's one thing...") seems to go on and on about some self-important matters (if I may), apparently trying to assure us that this is exactly what the story is going to be like - a narrative of everyday matters of Mr. Stafford who has lived a boring life and nothing is going to change it. I think the third paragraph is the place where you'd do better if you showed not told, as in, by showing us a dialog-driven scene of Mr. Stafford's conversation with one of the waiters, instead of telling us of how polite the waiters are.

I was just going to congratulate you on a consistent present tense, but you had to do it:
Quote from: Mr. JoshuaFH
However, perhaps there was a queer wind blowing that day, or the sun shone a little too finely, or some other contrivance to make the day unordinary, but it would seem that this assumption is about to be proven entirely false.
So is it happening now, or did it happen in the past?

Quote from: Mr. JoshuaFH
The gentleman, however, ignores him, and makes idle chitchat with the waiter.
"Show don't tell" would do finely here, to give more character to the stranger, although if the dialog is too idle it might do more harm than good.

Quote
He sets his coffee down
This is confusing, because it is uncertain at this point, who "he" denotes.

Quote
and it sure did.
Tense.

Quote
“I apologize sir, but I usually sit by myself.

Quote
You are busying my idle time
Maybe "wasting"? Also
Quote
overlooking the unbusied road
"Quiet road"?

Quote
unfazed at his frustrations.
This seems to be stylistically inappropriate (hopefully someone will give another opinion). You'd have a dialog-tag like this in a casual conversation... or actually, it looks more like a screenplay parenthetical denoting a character's emotion than a story dialog-tag. Adding "the stranger is" in the front would seem reasonable to me.

Okay, the rest was kind of cool. Although I wouldn't know what the story could end with. I myself always think about it before beginning the writing. I've got the sentiment though that I'd hate it if anything happened to Mr. Stafford. He's such an amicable fellow. Have Mr. Mister save him.

Alternatively, have the story slide into violence and realism, with Mr. Stafford realizing in his last moments that the empty box meant emptiness of his own life.

---

So I thought, maybe my writing misfortunes are to blame on my psychological peculiarities? I wonder what I should do about it. It is now even more apparent that I'm unable to muster enough strength to grind-write my way through the day. I just can't. On the other hand, I feel like sometimes it's lack of confidence about my writing skills. I thought about having a writing-prompt-flash-fiction marathon with myself. The problem with this is that quite strangely, I haven't been able to find a prompt generator that I liked on the Internet. If anybody reads this, tell my family that I love them... Er, I mean, if you know of a nice prompt generator, I'd be much obliged for the link. Or maybe it's a better idea to ask on the NaNoWriMo forums.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Fishbreath

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #483 on: June 08, 2011, 02:19:16 pm »

Quote
This seems to be stylistically inappropriate (hopefully someone will give another opinion). You'd have a dialog-tag like this in a casual conversation... or actually, it looks more like a screenplay parenthetical denoting a character's emotion than a story dialog-tag. Adding "the stranger is" in the front would seem reasonable to me.

For once, I actually agree with you on a question of usage. :P

Supermikhail

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #484 on: June 08, 2011, 02:48:27 pm »

Quote
This seems to be stylistically inappropriate (hopefully someone will give another opinion). You'd have a dialog-tag like this in a casual conversation... or actually, it looks more like a screenplay parenthetical denoting a character's emotion than a story dialog-tag. Adding "the stranger is" in the front would seem reasonable to me.

For once, I actually agree with you on a question of usage. :P
Yay! :D

You don't know how much it means for my self-esteem!
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #485 on: June 08, 2011, 02:54:36 pm »

Thank you so much Mikhail. I've always had trouble maintaining consistent tense, so it helps pointing it out. Plus, I wrote most of that while in the same day, then I just never finished it, and it was done while I was in a whimsically wordy mood. I will probably finish it now, but I will wait before correcting those things you mentioned, so that I don't obsess and backtrack.

Trivia: the name Mr. Stafford was taken from a story question on one of my class tests. Except it was originally Ms. Stafford, I just changed the gender.
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Supermikhail

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #486 on: June 08, 2011, 03:07:38 pm »

Quite interestingly, Firefox spellchecker knows Mr. Stafford. It doesn't know itself, disappointingly.

You're welcome. I'm stoked for an action-packed finale!
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Fishbreath

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #487 on: July 29, 2011, 09:55:02 am »

Rise, thread! Rise from the dead! Serve me in death as you once did in live! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaaaa...

Er, would there be sufficient interest in, say, a bi-weekly writing prompt for me to commit to providing said prompt?

Willfor

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #488 on: July 29, 2011, 02:23:00 pm »

Rise, thread! Rise from the dead! Serve me in death as you once did in live! MWA-HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaaaa...

Er, would there be sufficient interest in, say, a bi-weekly writing prompt for me to commit to providing said prompt?
Have a weekly one.

Or do one every two weeks if you are committed to the bi-weekly thing.
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In the wells of livestock vans with shells and garden sands /
Iron mixed with oxygen as per the laws of chemistry and chance /
A shape was roughly human, it was only roughly human /
Apparition eyes / Apparition eyes / Knock, apparition, knock / Eyes, apparition eyes /

Supermikhail

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #489 on: July 30, 2011, 12:01:14 am »

Whatever. Yeah, the thread arises from the dead around its first anniversary. I dunno. Hooray?

I find that I don't have a problem with writing prompts in the sense that I have other more pressing writing problems. For example, having not written a word for maybe a week because of a silly thing. Or not being able to break through the 500 words/day barrier for a month. Or taking approximately 3 hours to scribble the said 500 words/day, which is sort of not reasonable amount of time to spend writing 500 words/day if you have a day job which I only intend to get this year, but nevertheless. I find myself in an impaired position as NaNoWriMo draws closer... So a writing prompt is better than nothing, but you had better make it a good one so that the results could deserve to be posted in a different thread in hopes that someone would read them because in this thread they would very likely go incognito, and it would be a bad thing because writing a writing prompt in a company of two is a rather... lonely business... don't you think?
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Ehndras

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #490 on: March 21, 2012, 04:16:55 pm »

I put 2 hours into this, turns out. You probably shouldn't critique this. Why can't I write something reasonable?

From the escheresque depths of intertwined wiry squares, golden circles, sharp angles, clockworks and spires, an echelon of shining eyes rushed at him. The tap-tapping of their feet sent him into tired trance, as their sharp tongues pinned him to the metal frame of his bed.

He was in Mandelbox. He was Mandelbox. His arms circled around him in an endless clockwork spiral, intersected by his square-cross-section-prism legs. His bronze ribs sprayed out into the void away from his barbwire spine twisted into triangular fly-trap knots. His twin-black-hole eyes lusted for the rich womb of the black cosmos around him, but his reinforced steel heart oscillated in a screeching cacophony of dying metal.

He sloped his concrete guts into the road for an army of robot drummers marching to the walls of elder gods and dilapidated pyramids. But as the trenches submerged into infrasound, he put a drill to his temple and took over the altar of his mind in a single calculated strike.

Even though on some level I like it. :-[

I see this thread is dead, but contains a wealth of useful information and links. Would probably be frowned upon to necr-



...Oops.
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Quote from: Yoink
You're never too old to enjoy flying body parts.  
Quote from: Vector
Ehndras, you are the prettiest man I have ever seen
Quote from: Dorsidwarf
"I am a member of Earth. I enjoy to drink the water. In Earth we have an internal skeleton."

fqllve

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #491 on: March 21, 2012, 05:21:26 pm »

Welp, since it's been necro'd I might as well add some content to justify it. Here's a little flash short I wrote a couple months back when I was feeling jaunty. Hope you enjoy it.


There's Only One Way to Kill a Dragon


"I wish I had a magical sword," Claude said as he and Elle walked down the road back to Villeton.

"What for?" Elle inquired. She was a girl and she had been taught by her mother to question everything, especially the things Claude, her future husband, said, for that was what was expected of a woman.

"What for?" Claude parroted. "What for??" he stammered again with extra inquisitiveness. "So I could slay a dragon or something. I dunno, I really hadn't put much thought into it."

Elle imagined a dragon and smiled as wide as a cabbage at the thought of Claude murdering it for being different. And how many ways there were for him to kill it! Her very most favorite had to be beheading. The magical sword would easily cut through the dragon's thick spine. "That would be amazing!" she said.

"I know. I wish I had one." Claude folded his arms, matching his posture to his sagely words.

Sadly, magical swords were only for rich little boys.
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You don't use freedom Penguin. First you demand it, then you have it.
No using. That's not what freedom is for.

Willfor

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #492 on: March 21, 2012, 05:54:43 pm »

I suppose it's for the best that I hate everything I've written that I've posted here now. Well, perhaps not hate, but have drifted far away from at the very least. I see various flaws, and find it hard to even bring myself to reading it.

I'll eventually be able to do Hera justice. Until then I'll just have to settle for not having done her justice.
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In the wells of livestock vans with shells and garden sands /
Iron mixed with oxygen as per the laws of chemistry and chance /
A shape was roughly human, it was only roughly human /
Apparition eyes / Apparition eyes / Knock, apparition, knock / Eyes, apparition eyes /

Ehndras

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #493 on: March 21, 2012, 06:15:14 pm »

I suppose it's for the best that I hate everything I've written that I've posted here now. Well, perhaps not hate, but have drifted far away from at the very least. I see various flaws, and find it hard to even bring myself to reading it.

I'll eventually be able to do Hera justice. Until then I'll just have to settle for not having done her justice.

Good, that means you've progressed as a writer.

I look back at my old short stories and absolutely cringe.

Like this for example.

To Wish Upon a Fallen Star
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Quote from: Yoink
You're never too old to enjoy flying body parts.  
Quote from: Vector
Ehndras, you are the prettiest man I have ever seen
Quote from: Dorsidwarf
"I am a member of Earth. I enjoy to drink the water. In Earth we have an internal skeleton."

Newbieman

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Re: Bay12 Writers Guild
« Reply #494 on: March 21, 2012, 06:35:35 pm »

I wrote a song. It's rather my first attempt, and I have very little (read: no) talent with instruments, but I like to play around with lyrics some.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not sure what to think of it.
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