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I'd like to become a professional writer in the next decade.

7 (29.2%)

Less than videogames.

6 (25%)

I am a professional writer.

3 (12.5%)

More than my health.

2 (8.3%)

I'm not sure.

5 (20.8%)

More than videogames.

0 (0%)

Not at all.

1 (4.2%)

Total Members Voted: 24

Voting closed: April 23, 2012, 11:42:36 pm

[Vector]

Posting to follow.

[Supermikhail]

Fishbreath, learn on Labs' example
@Labs, I didn't get any further than the first post (although as night is getting closer, I'm starting to realize that it's not my best day, in general, and especially for reading), but now, after reading the blurb, I'm really intrigued. Adding.

On that note, oomph, I've decided that I should take on one story at a time. I've read first post from Many Words, and I must say, that Fishbreath, you are too hard on yourself with purple prose. I didn't notice anything except said-bookisms. The style is very moody and really fantasyish, I think. But maybe I'm old-fashioned. Or a literary pervert... I'm thinking about putting emphasis on the style, unless further on you get more modern.
Also, if it's possible with Wordpress, you could put a link to the next part in each issue. It'll be much easier to navigate. Or separate Many Words and commentary into different blogs, and they'll do navigation for you.

[Fishbreath]

@Supermikhail:
I'd love to do links from one entry to the next, but at the moment the only way to do it is by hand. If I were hosting it myself, I could do links within categories, but that would cost me more in both time and money, and I don't really have either to spare. I've looked into the multiple-blogs-single-ecosystem model, too, and I'll probably move in that direction eventually.

What I do feel kind of bad about is posting those links just as I'm halting updates for a month to get September through December done. <.<

[Karnewarrior]

?!
I gotta find my Roy thread.

Also, I should probably restart the Imik thread. I probably won't, but I should.

[Supermikhail]

Yup, buddy.

By the way, in my sweep through the creative projects I dismissed several stories, one of them quite probably Karnewarrior's, on the account of randomness. Besides being hard to come up with a blurb for, I don't really find them funny, but that's a subject for debate.

Crap. "Tomato People".

[Willfor]

I am not very good at blurbs.

Spoiler: The Spider's Crown (click to show/hide)

Hera is about to be given the biggest job of her life, and while she anxiously anticipates it she is confronted by several close friends of hers.

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63854.0

[Vector]

I almost have a finished work to link here, but unfortunately it's the story to go with a Mafia game.  Erm... I happen to think it's rather good, but you may disagree.  Anyway, I hope that counts, and I'll let you know when I'm done so you can take a look.

[Supermikhail]

@Willfor: All in all, the previous version was much better, in my opinion. I'm going to add this one alongside. I don't think you should worry about it being online before submitting to a publisher, because, frankly, you've got a lot to improve. Also, the previous version was proofread much better.

Firstly, the beginning is confusing, kind of. Everything until "They nodded..." passed right by me. Maybe because there's too much information without any background. Or maybe because there isn't any introduction. A description of the speakers and the surroundings could help. Seamstress' shop can look differently depending on the era and the country. A person in a wheelchair can be a weathered war veteran, or a Victorian youth devoted to sciences.

Secondly, you should use more varied sentence structure. There are places where "She did..." repeats far too many times.

Thirdly, I guess it could be attributed to purple prose. Your dialogue is very dynamic, but then you insert a completely superfluous description of the landscape. Like

The city of Leanne sprawled out before her. She breathed in a puff of coal fumes mixed with flower scents from a stand across the street. The sky was full of small clouds, and the sun was behind one of them. A few trails of smoke were rising up from the city on the other side of the river. The skyline was full of construction with three new towers being raised. Reds and whites dominated the colors she saw. Hera stopped looking around, and focused on her company as they made their way through the streets.

Fourthly, he didn't really mean it, I hope. The way Hera acts doesn't really imply that Hector is able to kill her on a whim. Don't play with the reader.

Fifthly, unintended laughs. You know how I imagine a person would act if their guest spilled milk on the table? "Oh, goodness!... Don't worry, dear, I'll bring a cloth." I don't think that's what Renée's reaction was supposed to be.

Sixthly, I thought people would post in this thread instead of creating other threads for their stories. Well, I guess, for advertisement purposes, your way works better. But if your story is intended for this thread, post it in this thread, please.

[Fishbreath]

Sixthly <snip>

Being that I'm on my phone a hundred miles or so from my nearest computer, I'll have to be brief. This thread is probably going to be a different creature than the Engravers' Guild, because in all honesty it's way easier to get ongoing prose works started, and way harder to post the equivalent of sketches.

There is a possible solution, though.  One of the things I credit the most with improving my writing is the writing prompt--a word or phrase someone else comes up with, and about which you write a few hundred words over the course of 15 or 20 minutes. It's a great way to practice, since it gets you outside your comfort zone, and it would give this thread more of a purpose beyond just advertising.

Also, it's much, much easier, in my experience, to accept negative criticism on something you've banged out in 20 minutes, as opposed to something you've poured your soul into, and it's an important step to realize that the critics aren't always wrong.

[Supermikhail]

Ah, I guess it takes a happy resolution to a food poisoning to see reason.

With that I must apologize to Willfor for my previous post. I must work on my reviews. Mental note "Collecting all your negativity in a single post is a bad idea". There is a line over which constructive criticism turns into destructive.

@Willfor: The positive point is that, knowing where you're going from the previous version, I see that you probably have got a very epic adventure, a kind of a saga, in mind, and if you've pulled off completing it, even if it's a rough draft, I must really commend you.
Also, you've got a note there, and I think you're wrong. The dialogue is just fine, it's the canvas that could use work.

It's a good thing that we've got Fishbreath with us.

@Fishbreath: it's a really nice idea! I'm ready to jump on it right away, although all words and phrases that come to mind are dumb (like "Surveillance" and "Water in the fields of rice", just because I met them recently). Ugh, I need good ideas. I'd like to arrange it as a kind of contest, although I'm not sure that I'll be capable as a jury.

By the way, I'm in the middle of Three Arrivals, and have finally decided to add your story to the Ongoing Works with your blurb, but added something of my own to it, because I don't dare to speculate about the plot, but appreciate the style.

[Willfor]

Spoiler: Snip (click to show/hide)

@Willfor: All in all, the previous version was much better, in my opinion. I'm going to add this one alongside. I don't think you should worry about it being online before submitting to a publisher, because, frankly, you've got a lot to improve. Also, the previous version was proofread much better.

Firstly, the beginning is confusing, kind of. Everything until "They nodded..." passed right by me. Maybe because there's too much information without any background. Or maybe because there isn't any introduction. A description of the speakers and the surroundings could help. Seamstress' shop can look differently depending on the era and the country. A person in a wheelchair can be a weathered war veteran, or a Victorian youth devoted to sciences.

Secondly, you should use more varied sentence structure. There are places where "She did..." repeats far too many times.

Thirdly, I guess it could be attributed to purple prose. Your dialogue is very dynamic, but then you insert a completely superfluous description of the landscape. Like

The city of Leanne sprawled out before her. She breathed in a puff of coal fumes mixed with flower scents from a stand across the street. The sky was full of small clouds, and the sun was behind one of them. A few trails of smoke were rising up from the city on the other side of the river. The skyline was full of construction with three new towers being raised. Reds and whites dominated the colors she saw. Hera stopped looking around, and focused on her company as they made their way through the streets.

Fourthly, he didn't really mean it, I hope. The way Hera acts doesn't really imply that Hector is able to kill her on a whim. Don't play with the reader.

Fifthly, unintended laughs. You know how I imagine a person would act if their guest spilled milk on the table? "Oh, goodness!... Don't worry, dear, I'll bring a cloth." I don't think that's what Renée's reaction was supposed to be.

Sixthly, I thought people would post in this thread instead of creating other threads for their stories. Well, I guess, for advertisement purposes, your way works better. But if your story is intended for this thread, post it in this thread, please.

Not much time before I have to go on a trip (weee, vacation at last), but I'm going to address a few points. But before I do that, I do want to thank you for taking the time to look it over and post your views. Good criticism is hard to come by.

When I put down "early draft" I wasn't lying. I am more aware than most the amount of improvement it needs, and I have had to fight my internal editor all the way to keep myself from taking too much time to clean up earlier sections while I ignore getting any progress done at all. My first chapter of the previous attempt was in every way better than this, but it had the advantage of being worked over several times after I already had a few more chapters. But while it was better, I had very little grasp of the setting. Since I've revised it (though it doesn't show) I have a very good grasp of the cultures involved, and I could very easily add any number of descriptions to anything in the city. The whole thing could be set in note form to myself, because I am likely going to have to gut the whole thing. I would be more worried if I hadn't already had to gut my previous work several times to make it as good as it was.

There is only so much that this first chapter will be able to do in the end though. It's not a standard fantasy world, and I have a lot of characters and concepts I have to introduce. Probably too many actually. The ones introduced at the start are going to be very important for the whole book, and I am likely going to have to come back to this first chapter several times to weight it against everything else. Leanne needs to be fleshed out a lot more simply because it's being introduced, and then abandoned for about two chapters, and then it gets very important again. (Woo, working with an outline is awesome, I need to do it more often).

I'll take all of your criticisms under advisement when I go back to it, but I would like to move forward, which means it's probably going to be awhile before revisions can be seen. Novels are hard work.

@Willfor: The positive point is that, knowing where you're going from the previous version, I see that you probably have got a very epic adventure, a kind of a saga, in mind, and if you've pulled off completing it, even if it's a rough draft, I must really commend you.
Also, you've got a note there, and I think you're wrong. The dialogue is just fine, it's the canvas that could use work.

Dialogue is my strongest asset. If I can do nothing else, I have several times been told that I can do good dialogue. I don't ever really start believing it, but it's nice to know people enjoy it. Description has always come the hardest for me, which is why I am writing Hera: Her characterisation lives and dies on my ability to do good description. I am going to be exercising my description muscles a lot, and hoping they get stronger as I go.

[Supermikhail]

I've realized something that might help you. What you've done in the first chapter kind of reminds me of Dune. Dune, by Frank Herbert, read it if you haven't, reread it if you have. There are similar things and kind of similar situations, and maybe even similar characters, and maybe you'll get some inspiration from it. Also, it's very original sci-fi, it could be helpful in finding out how other authors introduce completely strange universes. You know, strange psychologically. Your illusions must have this.

[Vector]

I almost have a finished work to link here, but unfortunately it's the story to go with a Mafia game.  Erm... I happen to think it's rather good, but you may disagree.  Anyway, I hope that counts, and I'll let you know when I'm done so you can take a look.

Meh.  Here it is.

I'll try to write something "real" at some point.

[Supermikhail]

I almost have a finished work to link here, but unfortunately it's the story to go with a Mafia game.  Erm... I happen to think it's rather good, but you may disagree.  Anyway, I hope that counts, and I'll let you know when I'm done so you can take a look.

Meh.  Here it is.

I'll try to write something "real" at some point.

One problem. I don't know where to go after the second post, and links in "Flavour" don't help.

[Fishbreath]

... it's a really nice idea! I'm ready to jump on it right away, although all words and phrases that come to mind are dumb (like "Surveillance" and "Water in the fields of rice", just because I met them recently). Ugh, I need good ideas. I'd like to arrange it as a kind of contest, although I'm not sure that I'll be capable as a jury.

There are plenty of sources of daily and weekly writing prompts on the Internet that we could crib from. There's also this random phrase generator, which I've used when I don't like any of the other prompts I find. <adjective + noun> and <adverb + verb> are the best ones, normally. TVtropes' story idea generator is a decent tool, too, if a bit more difficult to turn into a good prompt. Most other forums in which I've done them have simply come to a consensus on which one(s) the readers like the best, which seems like the best way to judge them--tastes do, of course, differ. I'd be willing to kick us off--say, with a prompt today (right now, even!), one on Wednesday, and one next Sunday, but following that I'm going to be away from regular Internet access for a few months, and I don't want to commit to doing these on a regular basis.

I'd suggest the following as more-like-guidelines:
1. Keep responses to about 500-750 words.
2. Don't agonize over them. Hammer out something quick; you can always refine it and expand it later.
3. Don't be afraid to tell other people which parts you don't like. We have rule #2 so that we can appreciate bluntness in criticism.

And now, without further ado, I present Bay 12 Writers' Guild Writing Prompt #1:
joyfully mutinies